Dear Terry,
Welcome to Susan's.
You asked,
QuoteI guest my point is can the two side be happy
The two side thing nearly drove me crazy. Let me explain
Oh, Terry I'm a 56 year old TS girl.
I'm going to try to share some of my thought on what I have gone and still am going through.
I hated the male personality and want to destroy (kill) it anyway I could. I knew that he wasn't real just something I made up. I felt that he had locked me (Jillieann) in a prison for years and I eventually just forced myself out. This was my thinking when I was at war with myself and I hated him for what he had done to me and all the wasted years.
But that is not the real story. It's just how I felt.
In reality all of me, yes I, decide not to hide anymore and that it was safe to come out. I said the hell with what other people think; I'm going to be me. I wanted my real spirit the real person to be free. Free of fear, free of rejection, free of my self inflicted bondage.
But during my years of acting I had learned how to behave in any and every situation that I had encountered in the male personality.
How could I now learn how interact with the world around me as a female? I had very little knowledge and no experience.
It took me over a year and some trying situations but I made peace with that created person and we are united. You see another way of looking at the male personality is that he was just my way of dealing with life and what I needed was to save that data (information). I have decided that is what he really was just a lot of information and that I used to deal with the world around me, even if I didn't always make the best or the right choice. Now I'm using the data to learn how to become the person (woman) that I should be.
I believe that when a transsexual (you may or may not be one) sees themselves as 2 separate personalities, this is a coping mechanism, because they are not quite ready to accept the truth about themselves. They may refer to when they are being their true selves in the third person. I think as they adjust to the idea that they are really female and the male persona was just an act, this feeling of 2 distinct personalities starts to fade. Look at it as a halfway acceptance and you know you are at least part female, but perhaps not ready to accept that you may not actually be male.
What I wrote is my own belief based on my own acceptance of myself and it may or may not apply to you, but use it as you will.
I'm sure allot that our Androgynies will have a different point of view.
Jillieann
