My Vision is Being

[Your Humble Savant]

Basically, a poem I wrote ages back. Hope y'all like it 

"My Vision Is Being"

I dream of being

Judgment is a thing of the past here
Hardly a thing at all, merely the
Whisper of an idea

That I could sing and dance
like nobody's listening or watching...
I want to be, like nobody's judging

Here is where things are
Only what they are;
that suffices for now

Now is what matters

I dream of being without having to wonder
am I being the "right" way?
Am I being at all, if I think this thought along with
its relatives in the same vein?

Thoughts in this vein, like blood gone bad
Slowing, crawling, suppressing its own flow
I inadvertently suppress my own flow
of being...

This "now" is kinda lame.

How sweet it'd be
(to travel any path,
Beaten or otherwise),
Just as I am

[Jamie D]

This place is full of talented people.

What is the back-story?  The poem is fascinating.

[Your Humble Savant]

Thanks, Jamie 

Basically, this poem is the incarnation of my anxiety surrounding judgement. Long story short, I had a really, really hard time believing I was worth much (thanks to bullying and my own self-doubt) from about 6th to 11th grade. Not to say I hadn't experienced bullying before then, but it was at that time that it really started to get to me in more psychological ways.

I worried, every day, that everything of what I was was being judged by others negatively, and that if so many people were taunting me for the same things over and over again, that there must be some truth to it. I started retreating internally, suppressing who I was to avoid attention. I tried to fit into various cliques through a variety of methods, but none of it filled  me as being true to myself did.

When I finally managed to pull myself out of all that, regained who I was and so forth, I was practically shouting my joy at the sky. The moment I realized it was okay to be me was the single most liberating moment of my life thus far. This poem I wrote last summer, after coming out as bisexual. The concept had been stewing 'round in my head for quite some time, it just took awhile for me to put it into words.

I think that everyone should be able to feel that way. We're all made the way we are for a reason, I feel, and there's no point to devaluing what is already beautiful for what it is.

[Jamie D]

I like the attitude.  I like the poetry.   Keep going!

[Your Humble Savant]

Yay! Will do