Irrational?

[AlexW]

This is perhaps a bit stupid, but do any of you get territorial about things like home maintenance?
I'm living with my parents (financial reasons, and I'm not out to them), and I usually do the maintenance around the house/grounds, including things like cutting down trees, fixing the roof, cutting firewood, and lugging heavy stuff where-ever it needs to go.
Now, my sister and her boyfriend are staying with us for a while, and my father has started asking her boyfriend to do some of those things instead of just telling me what needs to be done and I'll do it like usual.
It makes me, idk, irrationally jealous/territorial.
I can do it/usually do it, why the heck are you asking him?
Am I just being irrational?

[geek]

Not at all.. my mother is unbelievably supportive, but once a few weeks/months ago, she wouldn't let me carry the bbq out to the deck, i usually do it, but i let it slide.. then my dad and the neighbour were out the front watering the lawn and she said to my sister "the men folk are out watering the lawn" and i seethed, what im trying to say is, i think you could be feeling emasculated a bit? even though you aren't out, you usually do the 'manly' things about the place, and now someone else is doing it. its late so if i dont make sense or im completely off the rail, ignore me =p im not even sure my story is relevant lol

[Alexthecat]

Come cut down our trees, they are about 3 times the size of a single story house.

[DriftingCrow]

I don't feel territorial about things like chopping and stacking wood. . . but I don't like it when I am shoveling my car out of snow and then gus come over and try to do it. It's like, I have it man.

I also like putting stuff together, like furniture and stuff like that.

It's not irrational at all. Even if it wasn't "manly" stuff, and even let's say you were two girls and you always make dinner (and you enjoy making dinner), you'd feel the same if some girl came over and everyone told her to cook instead. We all have our things that we take pride in, that we're good at and think we're good at, so everyone would feel replace and unwanted when someone else comes along and takes over.

Come cut down our trees, they are about 3 times the size of a single story house.

Yes, I have work for you too, after you finish at AlextheCat's house. . . .chop and stacking for you. 





There's a few more cords in the back too.

[Mr.X]

I don't think you are being irrational. Those (manly) jobs were your jobs, and it is never nice to see them being given away. But it is possible your father had not given it any other thought apart from 'well, he (the boyfriend) can pull his weight too. It would only be fair and it means AlexW has more time for other things'. After all, they are chores, and generally chores are not a whole lot of fun.

[blink]

I'm like that too, and double it if I get the impression someone is offering to help because I'm small. Part of why I started lifting weights was to move the heavy things/do the strenuous yardwork myself, no I don't need help, thanks.
I guess it reaches irrational territory if you hurt yourself trying to do things outside your physical limits (this is a thing some cis guys do too, unfortunate when somebody hurts themselves).

[Natkat]

I'm very much like that, I use to carry heavy stuff if my parrent asked for help I say "I can, I will, I do, by myself" (it dosent really make sense in english.)
for heavy stuff im mostly allowed to carry it so it not a problem, for tecnological stuff my mom has a problem with me using her phone or computer for help, she say I will "mess it up" while my brother is allowed, but we both know she are the best person to mess things up as she dont even know what a friend request is.

[insideontheoutside]

Nope, not irrational.

I think a lot of us could have similar stories. So many people have gender bias but they don't realize it, because it's just ingrained in them that men should do the manual labor thing and women should be in the house cooking and cleaning. It's lame. Especially when there's usually no reason to make bias like that. But it's perpetuated by people who follow along with that (on both sides - like women who play like that can't lift a finger to do manual labor and make the men do it, and men who play like they can't possibly do house work and make the women do it).

[Nikotinic]

I agree with the other posters so far. It's definitely not irrational to get annoyed at this.

I've felt this too, although we live in an apartment so there isn't any yard work, if we bring home flat pack furniture (the kind you have to put together yourself) I get very territorial and my husband knows to leave it to me.

I've worked in a few traditionally male jobs like labouring and landscaping and I found that in those, mostly people left me to do my work rather than constantly offering to help. It only seems to be outside of work that people feel like they need to do things or carry things for me.

One memory that always makes me laugh was when I was working as office admin for an engineering company. There were only 6 staff members, so everyone needed to pull their own weight. Although my job was technically all paperwork, I was asked to help measure, fit and install blinds on one of the floors in our building. One of the engineers walked into a room to find me standing on a table, using a power drill to screw the blind onto the window frame, all while wearing a bright blue dress. He hadn't yet figured out that I wasn't your average office girl, but from that day I had his respect.

[randomdude5]

Definitely not irrational. As others have said I think everyone experiences this to some extent.

I always used to shovel the snow at our house (whenever it snowed that is, lol) Then for some reason, my dad started doing it even after I had said I will shovel, I WANT to shovel. I found out he did it one day before I got up. I started questioning him like it was an interrogation. I asked him why and he said well if someone were to drive out with the car the snow would all get packed up under the tyres and hard to remove. I then asked him if anyone had even driven out with the car after he shoveled. (His need to do it so early?!) He said no. He didn't really have a reason to do it for me, I did get kind of upset. Makes me feel like they think I am incapable of doing it or something. But I am trying to think of it like "Fine, if he wants to do it, he can do it. More free time for me."

[AlexW]

geek: That makes sense. I guess me feeling emasculated is pretty accurate.
Alexthecat and LearnedHand: You pay air-fair and room/board for however long that takes, as well as provide materials and tools, and you're on!
Mr. X: Might be the reason, though my dad usually doesn't care WHO does anything as long as he doesn't have to do it.
blink: I haven't quite gotten to the point of letting my pride keep me from recognizing my boundaries (yet). It'll probably happen at some point.
Natkat: About computers, I have the opposite problem. My mum uses me as tech-support, even when I have no idea how to solve whatever the problem is. Usually I can help her, or find the solution online, but sometimes I just have to tell her that I'm a gamer, not a techie and that she should talk to my programmer-sister instead.
insideontheoutside: Yeah, gender-bias. *sigh* Even if I was really a woman, I am pretty sure I would be deeply annoyed. Heck, my dad even has double standards about that between my sisters and I. I am allowed to use any of the heavy machinery (table saw, chain saw, welders, etc) but my sisters aren't. I've been calling people out on that, especially my family and nephews, but it seems like no one listens.
Nikotinic: Great story!
randomdude5: That sucks. I had a similar couple of episodes recently (hence the thread). A few days ago we needed to go pick up about a ton of wood-pellets for the furnace. We get it in 25 kg sacks on a pallet. I do the carrying every month, so I don't consider it all that hard work. About an hour before we were going to go, my dad says to me "I'm bringing [sister's boyfriend] to help me instead." To which I replied, "No. No, you are not. That is my thing. I will lug the sacks, like I usually do." very firmly. Afterwards, he asked me tentatively if he should ask (SB) to help me carry them in, and I said no. He went in, then (SB) came out when I was nearly done and started 'helping' me.
We had a small-ish hurricane the other day, and a tree tipped over in the garden, so it needed cutting up and removing. Me, sister and (sb) were having lunch, and my dad walks by and casually says "(sb), could you remove that tree from the garden?" at which point my pride reared up, and I ended up removing the tree directly after lunch.

Edit: I just realized that it sounds like I was rude to (sb). I made sure to thank him for his help, and showed him how to lift the sacks, and how to stow them without rupturing them. It slowed down the work, which was a bit annoying, but by that time, I wasn't ungrateful for the help.