Pregnant men

[Darth_Taco]

The thought of pregnancy in general horrifies me. I don't even think it's a trans issue for me since pregnancy in anyone seems to make me feel sick. I just think most people reproduce for the absolute stupidest reasons (thanks to Maury :'P). The concept of needing to be a biological parent is completely foreign to me.

My boyfriend desperately wants to be a biological father. At first, this caused issues because I know for a fact I don't want to get pregnant. Eventually we came to a compromise. I would be willing to have a biological child with him only if it's through surrogacy, and we stop at one. I also have to get this egg harvesting thing done before T. I just want to get it the ->-bleeped-<- over with @_@. He's thankfully more than happy with that decision because that means no spawning before we can afford it xD.

I really want to be a father, but not biologically :'P. My need has always been to be a foster and adoptive parent. There's so many kids out there that need a stable home, and dammit I intend to be that for them. My extended family tells me I won't have that "biological bond" with my kids, but they each have like 5 kids and can't even afford one! ->-bleeped-<- them and their "biological bond"! D:<

[Nathan.]

I could never do it. I want those organs gone asap, them being there cause me enough dysphoria as it is.

[Aussie Jay]

Yeah I agree with Nathan. It is completely crazy for me (nothing against anyone who has/would) to even consider entertaining the thought of being pregnant or birthing a child as a man! I accepted long ago any children I raise will not be mine biologically but also that it doesn't take genetics to be a parent. I'm at the stage now where although generally I like kids and love my nephew/niece to death it will depend on what the person I end up with wants - if she wants kids I will walk down that path and if not I think I will be ok too.. I don't have that unquenchable thirst to be a parent like some people do.

I've also had people ask if I would approach my brother as a potential donor and my response is the same every time - hell no!! I could not look at him and then look at my child and know that he could do something I can't (if that makes sense). And although that would make the child somewhat genetically linked to me, no way I couldn't do it! I can't know - so anonymous donor is the path I would choose, but again will depend on what my significant other wants. And by the time I am making this decision I would have had bottom surgery and have no functioning reproductive organs to throw into the mix anyway...

[mementomori]

I was very much against giving birth pre transition (when I was 7 I declared at christmas dinner I was never having kids lol) & my absolute fear & grossed-outedness revolving around childbirth stayed with me my whole life. So....no, I would never be a pregnant man (but have no problem with folks who do decide to be)!

off topic i know , but if thats you in your avatar , damn what an insanely good looking guy

[Darth_Taco]

I was wondering about this a little - if there's much pressure on gay guys to get pregnant.  The thought of having to explain to someone why I won't have their kid under any circumstances feels kind of bad.  It's hard to give a satisfying explanation of how pervasive dysphoria can be to someone who doesn't feel it. 

Since there's no real equivalent for him, that was one of the harder parts of dysphoria to explain XP. He tried his hardest to understand though, and never really placed pressure on me to get pregnant (especially since we're so young @_@), but he was still let down that being with me could mean not having biological kids, something he's always wanted. That's when I came up with a compromise. I was surprised he never tried to negotiate for a higher number. I guess he was just happy to have one. It's gonna be expensive as hell, but I'd rather spend the money than ever produce one with my own organs @_@. I think that's when he finally understood how against getting pregnant I was xD. I'm so cheap I'll duct-tape myself before going to the hospital to get stitches. If I'm willing to spend so much money to not get knocked-up, then he figured I must be serious about this.

Alas, his family isn't as happy about this. They're old fashioned over stuff like this and see that if I have the ability, I should use it. When it got brought up around one of his brothers, he said that he could never be with a woman who never wanted to get pregnant. We both got the hint that he was telling my boyfriend to either change my mind or dump me. We both figured he wanted to start a fight, but unfortunately for him I'm an internet troll so we both knew not to give him what he wanted.

[poptart]

I would rather stick needles in my eyes.

[aleon515]

I would rather stick needles in my eyes.

Androgyne here. But I'm kinda with poptart on this one.
Yikes.

--Jay Jay

[dalebert]

off topic i know , but if thats you in your avatar , damn what an insanely good looking guy

IKR?! I didn't think we were supposed to say it.

[Kyle_S]

I never wanted much to do with children until the last few years. I'm only 22, but I deeply desire to be a father someday to a child biologically connected to myself.

Part of this comes from the fact that I am the only one left now to carry on my last name, and in my eyes, our true family genetics and character. In this train of thought, I would seriously hope that if I had a biological child, it would be a boy. Call me horrible, but if I do not have one.... our branch of my family name + genetics dies out.

I would only resort to the pregnancy option if I could hide inside the house for the ENTIRE duration of it. I would feel bad enough about it personally. I would not want others to see me like it and go WTF??? and proceed with laughter at myself, and all the rest of us.

I would prefer to go down alternative routes to achieve this child though. Egg harvesting, with a sperm donor and implantantation into the woman I would be with.

Eventually though, I wish to have bottom surgery. Not that I care overly that much about the organs that are there, but I want to piss right....oh! and that little thing about FULL legal marriage rights to protect myself and possible wife. So I guess if that comes before the family scenario, If she wants to have children, I will likely have to suck it up and accept that I am sterile, and that some other man has gone to bat where I could not......

It tears me apart just to think about it all

[Arch]

Pregnancy in general creeps me out. It reminds me too much of parasitism. To me, it's like having a giant larva that sucks the life out of the host. And I don't like babies and small children, period.

I've never really understood the urge to procreate. It's not just that I don't want to bear children; even if I had my own sperm-producing testicles, I would not want to procreate.

I spent about fifteen years hearing that I would change my mind, and I never have. Even when I was a little kid, I always figured that if I wanted a son, I would adopt. But I definitely don't want children.

[Cindy]

I hope you don't mind a few Cindy comments.

One of the biggest clashes I had with my mother when she 'caught' me yet again as teen dressed in female clothing, was 'don't you want to be a man and father your children?' 'NO, I'm a woman I want to carry them and give birth'. I think that is one of the points when I realised that I was fully female but not organically so. She was also totally lost in despair at that comment.

When I started AAs my therapist asked if I wanted to store sperm in case I met someone and wanted children. I was so amused by the idea I laughed out loud. 'I want the tumours cut off, I never ever ever want to use them.' was my reply.


I love children and dote on my friends babies and children. I'm totally comfortable with them.

So cruel, why me?

Cindy

[dalebert]

I spent about fifteen years hearing that I would change my mind, and I never have.

I'm actually one of those people who did change my mind about wanting a kid after never suspecting I would. It's true that the things we want likely change as we get older, but I would never try to tell someone else that it's going to change for them. Just because it did for me doesn't mean anything about someone else.

I'm at a stage now where I am not ready to go out actively pursuing fatherhood. However, if I was with someone else who wanted to be a parent, and the means was reasonably within our grasp, let's just say it wouldn't take any arm-twisting for them to convince me. I wouldn't care whether it was biologically mine or adopted. Adoption is actually more appealing in some ways because it means one less unwanted child that's already out there. I think I would just go for the most expedient method, but as a gay man, that's not a simple question to answer.

[dalebert]

To be more on-subject with the thread...

If I were in a relationship with a trans man, and despite liking the idea of a child, there's no way I would DARE ask him to do something like that. IF he came to me and it was his idea, I'd entertain the notion, and only then. It just seems SO inappropriate for me to start that conversation.

[Auryn]

I'd do it. I'm not ready for kids any time soon, but I've always wanted to be a parent. If that means getting pregnant then I'm okay with that.

[Natkat]

I hope you don't mind a few Cindy comments.

One of the biggest clashes I had with my mother when she 'caught' me yet again as teen dressed in female clothing, was 'don't you want to be a man and father your children?' 'NO, I'm a woman I want to carry them and give birth'. I think that is one of the points when I realised that I was fully female but not organically so. She was also totally lost in despair at that comment.

When I started AAs my therapist asked if I wanted to store sperm in case I met someone and wanted children. I was so amused by the idea I laughed out loud. 'I want the tumours cut off, I never ever ever want to use them.' was my reply.


I love children and dote on my friends babies and children. I'm totally comfortable with them.

So cruel, why me?

Cindy

reminds me of me and my mtf friend (probably told the story before)

where she was very sad and cryied cause she couldn't be pregnant..
and I was like.. "god I would just be satified with being a father, and never be pregnant but it wont happent.

and into our conversation I our of sudden I just a started to laugh
she was like. " what are you laughing at?"
me: " I just decovered we're like cis-genders right now, talking about famely issue"
her: "oh yeah"

ït was funny how extremly simular it was, yet so imposible.. very strange felling..
---------
btw for all the folks who wrotte, they really wanna, have kids but not be pregnant. I would ask what you would choose if the option is between never getting kids at all, or be pregnant.
meaning, no adoption, no egg donation or anything.
the reason is cause thats how life is for some trans folks, and also why I understand that some who really want children no matter what would be pregnant even when there not found of the idea in general.

[MaxAloysius]

Bah, even just the passing thought of it chills me! It's one of those big things floating around in my skull that the tendrils of awareness touch on very delicately, before retracting quickly with loathing.

Thinking about the fact that I even could be capable of such a thing literally makes me shudder, and I feel nauseous right now having to acknowledge it enough to address it.

Of course if a man has the ability to reconcile the process in his own mind, and the desire to do so, then more power to him, but it is not for me. Not in this life, or any other.

EDIT: On a more morally centred note, I would never personally do this to a child (here assuming the father was on T). We can't possibly know what goes on inside our bodies that could negatively effect a developing child, and in my opinion the risks are huge. I just simply couldn't justify possibly bringing another child into a painful existance, when there are so many out there already who could benefit from a loving family.

[Nygeel]

I do want kids...just don't want to carry 'em internally.

[Arch]

I know that people want to pass along their own genetic material. It's built into most of us, for obvious reasons. So, logically--but not emotionally--I understand why people have their own kids.

I've always been a big believer in adoption, but I know that a high percentage of those kids are screwed up. Some people just don't want to cope with that. Thrown in the procreation imperative, and you wind up with a lot of lonely, messed-up kids who have no families.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Bane- You stop T before trying  to get pregnant, though I know of one guy who was on T and not trying and ended up pregnant, him and his gf (a MTF on HRT for 10 year) had been under the impression his gf was sterile.

[Natkat]

Bane- You stop T before trying  to get pregnant, though I know of one guy who was on T and not trying and ended up pregnant, him and his gf (a MTF on HRT for 10 year) had been under the impression his gf was sterile.

thats why I always play safe, even when people say "your on T nothing can happent" or mtf say "I am on E so nothing will happent"
sure sure....
But dont wanna play that kind of games..