worried

[marybeth]

hey i'm coming out slowly but i have'nt got a whole lot of friends to hang out with and do thing's with
like go shopping for dresses,undies,night gowns etc and i get the strangest looks when im in a store shopping for what ever in the womans section and it really makes me feel uncomfortable.but i know that in my heart and
mind that i want too be a woman but then again sometimes when i go to a walmart persay i don't care what people think of me i'm haveing mixed emotions sometimes but i know what i want but there are people out there who really don't understand or they just don't care to so with that being said how do i over come diversity

[Devlyn]

I love a good typo! We embrace diversity, it is adversity we all want to overcome! Just get out there and be yourself. If you want someone to light up when you walk through the door, shop in privately owned stores. The owner really wants your money, and will work for it, whereas the chain store employee has no stake in it. Hugs, Devlyn

[Brooke777]

Just a little trick I learned as a kid.  When shopping for something that is not what society considers "typical", just carry a list.  People see you with a list and assume you are shopping for someone else.  Now as an adult, I carry my phone out like I am reading a list.  I have bought panties this way, and nobody gives me a second look.  If you are still worried, try and look a little frustrated.  Men are not supposed to like to shop for their wives, so if you pretend that is what you are doing, no one will think twice.  Hope this helps.

[auburnAubrey]

Give what you want to recieve.  If you want a smile, smile first.  Just keep your head up high!  Make eye contact.... smile.  People can tell if someone isn't confident.  Usually a "hi" and a smile disarm the other person.

I was in a store once and this woman was looking at me... ok, staring.  I noticed out of the corner of my eye, so I turned, smiled and said "how are you today"?  She was taken back (aback?), but then smiled and said, "I love your hair! It's a beautiful red".  I simply disarmed her, and she saw I was human and approachable.  It lowered her defenses, and she was free to just "be".

How we carry ourselves is the first thing we can change for how people react to us.  And that goes for everyone.. not just trans people.

[Carbon]

I was just going to say to not worry about what other people think and let them assume it's for a wife/girlfriend, but I like the list idea. If I ever get "unmentionables" I might do that, although I'm pretty sure I could pull of anything else as being a gift.

I never really cared that much about clothes and things but I feel like even pre HRT (at least I better be pre HRT!) I have opened a pretty big can of worms. I find myself looking at some dangly sparkly thing and thinking "oh that's so pretty!" or wishing I could try on a cool looking shirt. Maybe it's just the excitement of considering something new. I can totally see why so many trans women start off  dressing way off from what their age/social group does, though, since there are SO many choices. I think society is moving in the right direction by giving women so many pretty or interesting things they can use to dress themselves, but saying it's okay if they just want to not worry about it and have some practical man work pants instead. Then again maybe we are all spoiled when most people in the world are probably happy just to have some decent clothes to live/work in, if they're lucky enough to have decent clothes at all.

[Cindy]

As others have said it is confidence. People selling clothes really don't who they are selling them to.

I was out two days ago and went to a small shop selling great clothes. I  was dressed as female but I did not have a wig on and looked like a guy in female clothes. I spent an hour in that shop. I was shown how to wear a Paris wrap. We went through tunics, I then saw a scarf to die for in another shop. I asked the girls how to wear it. I was the only customer, so I had four woman showing me different ways of wearing this scarf. There was laughter, and there was fun, NONE of it was rude, it was four shop assistants and a customer.  I really enjoyed it. Then O bought a ring and the assistant commented about how soft my hands were. Just what you say to a guy? The she told me that she had bought make up at a display during her lunch hour and it was on discount. So I went there, had my colours done and was made up in the seat. NO ONE laughed.

It is normal for woman to shop and talk and chat and enjoy the experience.

Go for it. There is only one person stopping you. And she just needs confidence.

Hugs

Cindy

[Eva Marie]

As others have said it is confidence. People selling clothes really don't who they are selling them to.

Cindy nailed it. Confidence flat out disarms people, along with a smile.

For example, I recently went shopping at a large chain retailer, wondered around the women's department quite a bit, made my selections, and carried them to the counter where the checkout girl didn't bat an eye at a obviously bio-dude with an armload of women's clothes. I was confident and had no issues other than getting a few weird looks, which i simply disregarded. If you are nervous people will peg you every time.

To gain confidence - try shopping in thrift stores. They absolutely don't care what you are buying or who you are buying it for. You'll be scared to death the first time you browse the women's racks and when you go to check out but once you find out how easy it is - your credit card will be in trouble 

The only place that i consistently have issues is at grocery stores (inevitably they will ask "Sir, is this yours?" while holding up something femme that was in my basket for everyone to see - i just look 'em in the eye and say yep  ). I also had an issue at a discount retailer where i think an employee thought i was trying to steal something - I just looked her in the eye too when i made my selection and walked out). Also, in my experience teen girls working at a checkout may cause more trouble than just about anyone else.

A tactic that you can use is to try to think ahead and imagine scenarios that might happen and rehearse your response to them so that you won't be caught flat footed and stuttering. As an example - If someone challenges your presence in the women's department you can respond by getting a stern look on your face and asking them if they know who you are buying the stuff for. That should disarm pretty much anybody.

You have every right to spend your money buying whatever you want - don't let some simpleton take that away from you.