OK, so here is the letter. I've edited out a lot that could be personal identifiers for me and my friend.
Shortly after I sent it, I went to sleep and woke up a few hours later, remembering that I sent it. I had waiting for me a text and an email response showing nothing but love and support. He promised not to say anything to anyone.
I know it's too much to ask for that from everyone but at least it's out there.
Without further ado, my first ever coming out letter:
[INSERT NAME],
I'm sending you, and you alone, this email because for the past decade you have been my best friend and closest thing I have had to a brother. We have been through quite a lot since the summer of 2001, including you naming my beloved [INSERT DOG NAME].
Sounds deep and serious, doesn't it? [INSERT INSIDE JOKE HERE]!!!!!!
Anyway, this is my first pass at something like this so you're just going to have to deal with being my guinea pig, mostly because I trust you more than anyone else and to know me for me.
For the past several months, I have been meeting with a therapist to discuss a certain issue that I have been dealing with as long as I can remember. The issue is GID, aka Gender Identity Disorder and yes, it's what you're thinking.
It's hard for me to try and explain this besides the cliche of I just feel like I do not feel comfortable in my own body and feel like I need to take measures, including taking female hormones, in order to feel comfortable in my own body.
My plan, is to begin this process at the end of the summer, maybe a birthday present to myself.
The weird thing is, as you know, I've hit a point in my life where I'm achieving all the goals, at once, that I had set for myself when we set out for [INSERT CITY I LIVE IN] from [INSERT CITY I WENT TO COLLEGE IN] six years ago. I just don't want to wait any longer. The more I wait, the less I can pass as the person I feel like I should and need to be. I'm also at a point where I have set many variables in motion that by the time they hit, I should be well on my way to being my true self.
I'm sure you have plenty of questions and I cannot be any happier to answer them for you, even the most minute. I just ask that you keep this to yourself for the moment. You are the first person I have come out to.
To help you, here's a FAQ:
Am I getting "THE" surgery?
I have no plans at this time to have it. I don't think it defines my transition
Are you into men or women?
Women. Although I have found that Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) has changed people's orientation, I am currently attracted to women and have no plans of changing. Again, I cannot predict all the changes that HRT may do, just right now, men are not attractive to me, so I will not be breaking up [INSERT NAME OF GAY FRIEND] and [INSERT NAME OF FRIEND'S PARTNER] anytime soon.
How long have you felt this way?
On and off, for the past 31, almost 32 years.
Does anyone else know?
I said something to [INSERT NAME OF COMMON FRIEND] back when I lived in [INSERT STATE I GREW UP IN], probably 8 years ago. Odds are he has long since forgotten since it had nothing to do with being a vegan. Does not count as far as I am concerned.
What do I want from you?
Nothing new. My need to change genders should have no impact on our friendship. [INSERT LONG LIST OF MORE INSIDE JOKES -- YES, WE HAVE THOUSANDS]
What are you going to change your name to?
I am kicking around a few ideas but nothing has been decided on. Right now it is between Ashley, Amanda and April. Feel free to weigh in and make fun of all three.
Why am I coming to you first with this?
Because you've been my closest friend for the last decade. You have had a major role in the biggest events in my life over the past decade-plus. You've been there for me and I hope that I have always been there for you.
I realize I may be asking for a lot from you but I believe I am not. I hope this changes nothing. I plan on being at your wedding in [INSERT NAME OF COMMON CITY TO GET MARRIED] in [INSERT MONTH] and standing at your side, if you'll have me. I just may be prettier than your hot bride by then.
I hope that this does not change anything between us but if it does, I understand.
