How do I know my friend won't freak out when I tell her I crossdress?

[EmmaS]

Hi,

I am a 19 year old male, and I recently made a pretty good friend. We have talked for some time now and I think she seems really cool, the other day we got into truth or dare somehow and she dared me to wear one of her dresses and at first I tried to act like I didn't want to do it, but of course I wanted to and I did. I hope this is the right place to post this but to be honest I don't know where I fit in. I want to tell her that I enjoy wearing women's clothes and if she supported me, we could go shopping together. I am really worried she would not accept me and it would be horrible. Does anyone have any advice for me? I really appreciate it in advance.

M

[Sarah Louise]

Welcome to Susans.

It seems like she has opened the door for you.  All you can do is talk with her, ask her why she dared you to do that.

[EmmaS]

Yeah possibility,  but as I think about it, I think I opened the door on purpose. I did dare her to wear some of my clothes first, and therefore she returned the favor, which I guess was what I wanted to begin with. Do you think that she would be open to the idea since she did dare me back? Like if she thought that a guy wearing a dress was horrible, she would of just not dared me right?

Thank you,

M

[Btw2000]

 first of all, be careful, you may want really bad to tell your friend, but be  99% sure it will be cool before you say anything!

I sent my friend some Eddie Izzard youtube links just to check her reaction on the whole cross dressing thing. I clocked that she didn't care and was more bothered about the comedy.

So when I was at her house I opened up my laptop and got her to read a document while I layer next to her on her bed burying my head in the covers with nerves, heres what I wrote to her.

"Hey,

I am writing you a letter because I find this hard to talk about

I want to have this conversation because this issue of my life is something in which I may need support with. I suppose the main reason I want to tell you this information is that I have recently accepted it for myself. I feel **very proud** to be who I am, It is not something I have chosen, it has been with me from birth. It is something which I can't ever make go away, (god knows I've tried, and tried and tried).

It is as much a part of me as everything else, (including boring you with my science),

When you read this, I hope you understand how much trust it takes for anybody to share this information.

Why would i want to share this information I hear you ask? well you didnt ask but ->-bleeped-<- you, Im telling.

The main reason I am sharing this is that I have never met somebody who I trust and care about so much, and I want to share.

And if I ever die (I might not) and you go to my funeral, I want you know that I will be looking at you from wherever I am, and feel proud to have shared all my life with such a great friend.

I just hope you understand ....

If Im being honest, I predict that you will be completly fine and understanding. But I must be thorough just in case.













**This is what I worry about in telling you**

I am worried that you will interpret this incorrectly, I am worried that you won't see ME, but something else.


- You might not understand and see me as a strange, this isn't true.

- I am worried that you will fail to see the real person who has dealt with this situation for 23 years on my own.

- I am worried that you will associate me with one of the many stereotypes that are linked to this thing.(Most of society seems fine with being completly ignorant towards it)

- I am worried that you will treat this subject like its taboo. REMEMEMBER I understand its not an easy concept, and I like to laugh at myself and don't you dare walk on egg shells on this subject!

The reason why I described it the other day as quite trivial is that, It is such a small part of me. I am much more then it.



Any thing you want to say to me so far?























The truth is, there is a reason why I sent you some Eddie Izzard links last night. I have more in common with him then you think ( and I don't mean I intend on running any marathons).

People struggle to accept anything different from the traditional Gender roles and any mix of the 2 is met with confusion.

I dont want to wear girls clothes full time. infact nearly all of the time I prefer t-shirt and jeans.


The thing is......**Sometimes** feel more feminine then the average dude. I am still very much a straight MALE, . I fancy women, I am not gay or bisexual. My brain just sometimes doesn't fit into the typical gender categories. I get on better with guys then girls in general (Even though your my best m8).
the fact that I like football and girls and hate rom-coms it isnt an 'act' or a 'cover up' I am very male in my thinking.

- Its not Drag,
- Its not sexual
- Im not a women born in a guys body
- I don't want to take hormones, have any surgery or have a sex change.


I remember being 5 years old and wanting to wear my mums dress one time and not understanding why, and I knew immediately that it wasn't something I should of tell people about.

Me and my dad had many 'father to son' talks, but strangly this topic never came up.

I want remove any fears you have that I have changed.

you still know all the films music and philosophies I like and scientific theories.

I am still the same guy you knew before

Love you even if you dont get it fully x


Now if you dont mind I could probably use a hug."



THE END,

And she was 100% ok with it, she turned to me and called me an idiot, and that was that. She never saw any less of me.

she has also helped me out with stuff on the make up/clothing side of things.

My aim was to try and help her understand clearly what I am and what Im not.

I told her because I got to a position i my life were I realised that if she didn't accept me, for who I am, then she probably didn't deserve to be my friend.

I suggest you figure out WHY you want to tell her, if your just desperate to tell somebody then it could be a bad idea if you don't get a good feel for what she thinks.

Good Luck! 

[EmmaS]

Thank you,

Your reply made a lot of sense to me. If she doesn't accept me for who I am, then she isn't actually a good friend. I am just nervous of the possible consequences I suppose, but maybe it would be a good idea to hint at it more through funny videos or something first in order to see what kind of reaction she has. Thanks again,

M

[Btw2000]

don't forget to give her time to process the information, she might not understand the concept at first, Thats why I wrote her the letter, because letters can convey lots of information without retort.

and after you tell her, I would move at her pace with regards to dressing up. Its not an easy process to understand and will be alien to her.  I pushed quite quickly with my m8, and i sensed she got a little uncomfortable at first, so i gave it a little break, she came round and before you know it she was having as much fun as i was!

[justmeinoz]

If you can get her to tell why she dared you to wear her clothes, maybe you can confess that it set off a train of thought where you got in touch with your feminine side and actually were comfortable with it.  If she is open to discussion, then perhaps you can get her to 'help you explore it further.'
Hopefully something like that might not freak her out, and you an deepen your friendship further as you explore your own psyche.

Karen.

[whorton59]

So are you going to tell us what happened? 

Back in the late 70's I remember telling my first "Serious" girlfriend. . . not only did she accept it, she bought bras for me!  I only had one girlfriend that had a problem with it. . .

[Melissa_fox]

In my experience most of my friends that I've let in on my little secret were a lot cooler that I though they would be.

[MiaOhMya!]

Don't make it into a big thing or make it sound bad!

Odds are most girlfriends just won't care. If she was so uptight and against crossdressing then she probably wouldn't have played truth or dare, and definitely wouldn't have told you to wear her clothes!

In my experience she probably already knows something is different about you. I like what Melissa said, you're letting someone in on your secret ...do you think she's the type to go spread gossip about you, or instead will she just be flattered that you can share that secret with her?

I bet she's just flattered. I've found that if I don't make something sound bad or like a big deal, then most people don't treat it like it's a big deal!

[Katy]

I can't speak to the exact details of your question since I am very much in the closet.  My comments are of a general nature, not specifically about crossdressing.  IMO you can't know with any degree of certainty how someone will react to unexpected news.  Even someone you have known for years may find unwelcome news distressing.  In truth they may put a brave face on the situation and say something like "I'm cool with that" when inwardly they are anything but cool about it.  Predicting people's reaction is a dicey business at best.  I'm not trying to talk you out of your resolve, but to temper your decision with a reminder that people predicting taint easy.

[Melissa_fox]

You find out who your true friends are when you let them in on your secret. I lost one of my closest friends but.. Grew much closer to others as a result of me sharing with them,

[Jessica15]

The fact that she dared you to try on a dress in the first place, I think there's a pretty strong clue right there that she'll be okay with it.  The girls that are completely repulsed by effeminate men would never even make a dare like that.

And not to diminish your friendship, but if she's not down with it, then whatever.  Move on and you'll make new friends elsewhere.  You can change friends, not your family.

[janetcgtv]

There's nothing like a GG knowing who you are. The companionship of she knowing all about you. Being BFF's . They also know that although I love the companionship of women that I also prefer to being in bed with a loving man. They know that I wear women's clothes as it is the sex I wish I was born to.

[ameera]

This post is dated May 31, 2012 so I'm assuming you told her already. So if you don't mind me asking .. What happened? do you now have a shopping buddy