I just don't know which way to turn

[Elena G]

Somehow, I really separated my male self and female self... so much so that my brain is trying to make sense of me "becoming" someone else.  I'm not.  I'm just me... but I never fully let her live, or develop.  Because of that, it seems this is a much bigger step than it needs to be.

I did that too, still do (not for much longer, I hope). It's funny because I believe many of the traits of my REAL self, the feminine one, would be much better received than my fake male, put-on persona. Plus it's really alienating having to repress all the time words and attitudes. I don't know how politicians can get away with that...

[auburnAubrey]

I don't know how politicians can get away with that...

It's easier when you're getting paid to do it...  lol

[GhostTown11]

I think I understand the part about how transition when married is in a sense lying to your partner. However, I also know that what's been done is done and hopefully more trans awareness will make it so future trans lesbians will not feel the need to have kids and getnmarried and they will transition young and settle better into their lesbian role.

[Carlita]

One thing I wish I would have done differently (If I had the mindset to do this) would have been to "be" Aubrey more often before this point.  I seem to be lost in the state of "Who is this person?"...... not seemingly able to make the connection that it is just ME.  As my therapist said today, "stop focusing on the fact that you are changing your gender.  You are just becoming congruent with yourself." 

Somehow, I really separated my male self and female self... so much so that my brain is trying to make sense of me "becoming" someone else.  I'm not.  I'm just me... but I never fully let her live, or develop.  Because of that, it seems this is a much bigger step than it needs to be.

Two things ...

1. I agree with you ... again! 

2. If that is you in your avatar pic ... and you look that good and that female before FFS ... you are going to be dynamite after it!

[Michelle G]

Somehow, I really separated my male self and female self... so much so that my brain is trying to make sense of me "becoming" someone else.  I'm not.  I'm just me... but I never fully let her live, or develop.  Because of that, it seems this is a much bigger step than it needs to be.

Since I was a preteen I have always been Michelle, but what people "saw" in public and in family life was a boy named Michael...in private or when I have been alone my mannerisms change to how I "really" feel...that is the true me!
Fortunately in my careers I have been able to work alone for the most part, which means even though I might appear male its still 100% ME inside and I can walk and act in a way that's comforting to me, that's where I get my piece of mind from!

Now that I can be myself in "3D" at home with an accepting spouse its even better than I could ever have imagined, I can shop with her for cute clothes, she shares her "girl tips and hints" with me and its so nice to hear my name without it being in the form of "teasing" from people being "funny" by calling me the girl version of my birth name...which actually isn't as damaging as you would think

Aubrey...I absolutely LOVE your new profile pic!!!

[auburnAubrey]

2. If that is you in your avatar pic ... and you look that good and that female before FFS ... you are going to be dynamite after it!

Thank you.  Yep, it's me....  and FFS is coming August 5th! (Yikes!)

Aubrey...I absolutely LOVE your new profile pic!!!

Thanks Michelle!

[wiigirl]

Thanks for sharing, all.  Not much to add, but it's comforting to read similar stories

Me too.

You are all awesome, brave, and give me hope and strength.

Thank you....