30 day genderqueer challenge

[concrete Building]

6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer? Okay, I understand that this applies to everyone gender-neutral. Or non-binary. I kinda always subconsciously knew I wasn't entirely male. I mean.. I'd done some things, and thought about others that guys wouldn't ever dream of doing. But I knew for sure I wasn't a pony-princess girl, either. The first step towards the big "click" was me taking the COGIATI (Yes, I know. I've seen the reviews. I've seen the controversy) and receiving "Androgyne" as a score. I took it again the next morning (My mind is usually different when I post late, and when I post early) and landed a perfect 0, also in the "androgyne" category. I never was really put off by it. Just kinda had another pair of eyes open. I then went onto Deviantart, where I met a friend who had been struggling with dysphoria, or what seemed to be dysphoria, and he put me through his own little junk science stuff based on some research he did. The big "click" came shortly after, when I was told to shave my arms and legs. I did so, and felt that it was right; something that I needed to do, that I wasn't supposed to have that hair there. I knew from that point on that I was not in the binary.

7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself? Hm... My hair. I've been taking some pride in that. I've got zits, hair and scars everywhere else. so it's really hard for me to find anything else to like.

[concrete Building]

8 ) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community? Honestly, I haven't been around too many people in this area to judge.
9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Hm.. I've started to look more androgynous.. at least in my opinion (alot of other people say I look more "punk" due to the long hair), I've bought myself a couple shirts that deal with this, and I've told people the general idea.. The next person to contact is my doctor.. And I'm planning on writing a huge letter on that, taking from another fairly big letter to another person I came out to.

[soulfairer]

I've answered a lot of the answers, too! Whew, 30 questions, a lot!

They also are in my personal blog: http://soulfairer.com/2012/12/27/a-genderqueer-challenge/


Many of these could have "Why or why not?" added at the end, and for length sake pretend "or lack of gender" is added after every instance of the word gender (for the agender folks).

Adapted from the 30 day Trans challenge and the 30 day [GSM] challenge. I wanted something a little more personal.

1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?

There are a lot of ways, it depends on with whom we're talking. Androgyne, tomboy girl, MtA, MtFtA, queer, genderqueer, etc.

2) How did you grow up with your gender?

Didn't. It wasn't a concern at all and I was grown in a fairly neutral house, so I didn't worry about it until at least when I was 24, 25 years old.

3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?

Clothing. Still retain a male personality.

4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes

5) Dysphoria and how you manage it

Don't actually have dysphoria in the "proper" sense. I'd very much like to identify as a female, but I have not the urge to do so because it'll eventually happen. I am not really in the urge of becoming female or to really bend the world towards it, even that eventually it'll happen. It's a kind of natural process.

6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?

Four years ago (2008).

7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?

A fairly neutral body. Controversially, my black hair (would love to have auburn or blonde hair at least to know what it is - maybe dyeing will happen in the future ). Skinny body that allows me wearing what I want.

An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community

9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.

People I consider friends already know. I did almost tell one who's not anymore of a friend, but that happens. I've chosen a name and some people already know it. I'm not in a rush to use the new name, though.

10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?

HRT

11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event

12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender

I balance between being transgender or 'simply queer'. But lately the bodily changes demonstrated it's possible, so I'm gearing towards transgender. However, there are male traits (mainly personality) which I won't be giving up.

13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?

Didn't!

14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?

No, but I know people involved.

15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.

I shop everywhere I see good clothes. There are nice man's clothes as well as ladies' ones. I use to shop at the young ones section, though. Haven't entered the ladies' bathroom yet, no trouble filling in forms.

16) Name some media you connect with queerly

A lot of blogs (be them in wordpress, tumblr). They all are a good resource. Like tomboy/femme, >-bleeped-< yeah androgyny and so on.

17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?

I'm happy when people see a girl, but don't question when they don't.

18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?

There –is– a plan. Well, some people around me embraced the idea and currently we're taking care of the details (who's gonna work and talk to customers? How'll be my next income? etc)

19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?

Any term involving the androgynes, because some people think they are 'too in the middle of the road' (no, the middle is a road) or they just can't decide for something (which we do, a lot more than a lot of people, because we have to strive in it).

20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?

No people I know are fanatic ones.

21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?

I now have a relationship with myself.

22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?

They aren'd affected by my gender. Though I like female-ish androgynes the best, followed by tomboy women.

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?

I'm. If they are interested in knowing what's really happening, I'm happy to share that.

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?

It hasn't changed yet.

25) Your first queer crush or relationship

If I name names... but my first crush happened some ten years ago, as I knew the LGBT world (I know, I knew it too late).

26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender

My current clothes are gearing to the female spectrum, though they seem neutral (as I don't wear skirts, dresses, but I'm not really into them yet – who knows?).

27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)

You know, I know I'm just differ
Not from you or her, what for?
But I just cannot simply prefer
What I did live before.

28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.

A lot of people in online forums had given me enlightenment on many topics about gender issues. And I love reading and commenting through their stories, because we have many things to share. Offline, many friends have offered support, so I just may call myself lucky

29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences

Many people have mistaken me as female, and it feels nice, because it confirms what I've been doing. Don't really know about the streets, though, as I haven't done any serious test yet. Maybe next year.

30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?

It means that you may decide your fate. Be it that you are female, male, feminine, masculine, androgyne, agender, neutrois or a combination of any of these terms (or others) or all of them. You are the sole "owner" of your body and soul, and genderqueer is an important part in acceptance, let's say. People should be able to choose whether they are straight, gay, lesbians, queers, etc, etc, etc.

[Kaelin]

12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender.   It's complicated, because depending on one's definition for the word, I may or may not fit the term.  The only reason I even have an "issue" is because society is acting dumb ("dumb" being a technical term meaning "acting suboptimally, usually by enforcing rules that lack a genuine benefit"), and I'd really rather chalk this up to society collectively having a personality disorder.

13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it? I'm out to a slight majority (I think), and they're definitely mixed.  Some are supporting, but most are frustratingly ambivalent and put more emphasis on risk-avoidance rather than showing whether they accept me or not.

14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community? I use a TG message board every now and then, but I try to live as integrated of a "normal life" as I feel comfortable doing.  I'll "be myself" at church and with a few others.  "Community" type gatherings are tricky anyway, since my circumstances are not easily understood or related to by many people in groups which are TS-heavy or GL-heavy.

15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc. Since I'm a male-bodied male, I generally just go about my business, although I won't enter a dressing room with dresses if there is a lot of people loitering outside the dressing rooms.

16) Name some media you connect with queerly. There's Susan's, and I suppose Eddie Izzard, and... I think that's it!

17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered? I usually issue a gentle but insistent correction, since it is understandable for people to "get it wrong."

18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans? I am probably more inclined to seek out careers and communities where I am more likely to be safe and accepted.

19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic? Too many to list.  Even within "the community," CD can easily be misapplied to people who are simply androgynous, and TG is tricky because lots of people who have trouble finding a "group" may or may not be covered depending on how the word is defined.  Queer and genderqueer are also vague, and people who identify as one or both can get lost in the shuffle.  "Drag" (popular in "straight" and "gay" communities alike) can easily diminish people whose clothing choices don't conform but are nevertheless "played straight" (not for a gimmick).  This is not even venturing deep into the cisgender world...

20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion? I'm a UU agnostic who escaped the catholic church, but I am past most of the drama already.

21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer? I appreciate myself and understand a lot more about myself, but that's sort of a given.

22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender? I'm probably heterosexual, with a small chance of pansexuality.  My bio-sex matches my gender, so there wasn't too much drama there, but understanding the existence of genderless or alternate-gender individuals has encouraged me to reconsider who it is I can have attraction to.

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers? Generally yes, although it bothers me if they're trying to "lead" me to their way of thinking.  Family tend to be the most bothersome, maybe since strangers do not feel as "entitled" or "obligated" to approach me.

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed? It really depends on the person, although I'm generally more open and honest, even if means rocking the boat.

25) Your first queer crush or relationship. I dated someone for about three months who I was "out" to within a week or so of starting.  I probably would have told her before dating, but she sprung the question on me out of the blue.

26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender. Well, donning a dress once or twice a week doesn't seem like the "male" thing to do, but that's true to who I am (and I'd probably do it more often if I thought I easily could, although I definitely would not do it "full time").  I tend to be conservative in the amount of color and wear "thicker" fabric, so in that respect I'm stereotypically masculine.  That said, this is all just stereotype, so I don't want to think to hard about it, other than to suss out subtle contradictions for the purpose of amusement.

I almost made it to the end, but I'm not really up for more just now.

[concrete Building]

10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
Hm.. I've grown my hair out, and dyed it a bit. Trying to look as androgynous as possible..


11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event

Uh.. here? Does that count?

[concrete Building]

Dunno if double-posting is okay.. I haven't for a few days, at least not in here. I'll add this to my last post if need be.

12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender.    I used to think what most people think: MtF or FtM. Then friend from question #4 came helped me understand it alot better by saying it was an umbrella term (I'd known what that was for awhile)

13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it? Um.. I honestly don't know if they care. They don't seem to treat me any differently than before (which still means I get placed with the guys on vacations..)
14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community? Um.. Sure? I haven't done anything huge, but I've created an OC that I built further upon with for part of Humanities that basically was my mirror for this stuff (hard to explain..)

15) How do you deal with gendered things? It's stuff. That's all my brain processes. Sure, I'll think necklace = female or hat = boy, but that's just the basics talking to me, again. Which I don't really know why they're like that.. Or why they ever were.

[Kell]

Starting all the way back at number one:

1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?

I do like genderqueer and gender variant quite a bit, because I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I am, but I need something that marks me as something other than female. [I don't like labels or specific words very much, I think the actual experience means more; a lot of the time I say how I feel instead of using terms.] The terms that always fit are Ft?, dude (I love this word, it's accurate), and androgynous.

[Kaelin]

I've been lacking in the creative writing spirit, but I can't finish without #27, so I'll just power through in some way.

27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of consciousness paragraph).  The feeling is always there.  Its expression may vary so wildly that others and maybe even we question if it is always there.  Yet just as the egg, caterpillar, pupa, and butterfly may appear dissimilar, they are all the same.  One may turn off the lights, put the living creature in a box, or do other things to hide the truth or to spite, but the truth is unchanged.

28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.  There are a lot of people at church, of different ages, races, gender, sexual orientations, and so on who are very friendly, and we spend time talking about challenges in our lives.  As much as our community prides itself on being accepting, there is still a lot we don't know about what each person/group experiences, but we work hard to be open to new experiences so we can keep learning and continue to accept others.

29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences.  Without rehashing anything already listed, it is also positive to find new possibilities for what I can do or express that I may have been blind to before -- sometimes I end up settling into certain "masculine" or "feminine" or "neutral/mixed" things and think that certain other things won't work, but often changing the circumstance or putting a twist on it reveals a possibility I can really sink my teeth into.  I've had a lot of trouble with "tops" before, but I've recently found that sleeveless tops that flare out (not unlike the dresses I tend to grab) have some potential.  It's not a big deal for me (that I can tell), but it's a little exciting to find little things like this when I'm not so locked into the gender-typing involved.  It's not that I'm not still worried about that sort of thing, but I'm much more adept at compartmentalizing, more capable of separating the "true me" from the "performance me" (and its variants).

30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?  I don't have a really concrete idea of the word, because it gets used in many different ways (along with "Transgender").  There are some whose gender outright doesn't match the one assigned to them: this can be a case where someone is a TS or (seemingly the genderqueer case) where someone doesn't fit neatly into the gender identity binary (third gender, genderless, genderfluid, etc).  However, genderqueer can be used as a label for one's expression -- this expression can be identity centered (something like "I'm this gender, but I'm more feminine/masculine variant" or "I'm an [X], but I'm not a [Y] type of X"), the expression can be taken in an absolute sense ("I like/do [insert gender counter-stereotype here]" without necessarily comparing oneself to the gender norm), and sometimes it's some of each.  Genderqueer in this latter respect is a difficult one, because its existence may owe itself to social norms concerning sex/gender.  As much as identity arises, the reason for its existence (at least in this latter group) may be because of injustices great and small committed against GQ individuals on the basis of their expression.  Normalizing their standing in society may remove them from notoriety in much the same way that women wearing pants in the workplace are regarded as normal (not that this "freedom" extends to girls at prom and to females in general at various other formal gatherings -- not that pants can't necessarily be born, but it often still "stands out").  Yet despite this being the nature of the fight, it is still a social movement wholly worth doing.

[D0LL]

I don't feel bad answering these all at once, seeing as others have done this as well.  Since I frequent so many different types of forums I doubt I'll be here often enough to answer these on more than one occasion.

Kinda drunk at this point, so don't mind my answers if they're confusing or completely out of left field. (Wow, is typing becoming hard...)

1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Nope. I am what I am, and I don't really use labels to describe it. Heck, I don't even know what it is I would really call myself.

2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I grew up very tomboy, wishing I was male. However, I also always longed for the perfect female figure.

3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
...What?

4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Oh, lawd, Mashiro Ichijo of After School Nightmare. (S)he is my ultimate hero fictional hero(ine) of all time. Best. Series. Ever. Let me just say that.

5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
I've always had Borderline Personality Disorder, so my gender identity issues don't really affect my issue much more than my usual wanting to kill myself and feeling insignificant. I've attempted(?) suicide once before.

6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
I'd never heard the term before, but as a child I always imagined if I ever found a genie and got one wish, I would wish to be male.

7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My curvy pear shape. Most hip-hop models honestly don't have my measurements before photoshop. That being said, I still don't have even the slightest bit of self-confidence.

An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
Idfk.

9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I've been looking into FtM sex toys lately.  As much as I hate sex toys, I'd actually consider using something like that to feel more masculine if my bf and I were to break it off.

10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
No, I'm actually taking steps to feminize myself. However, I'm now more depressed than ever...

11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
None really. This site?

12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
Meh, couldn't care less.

13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
My family talked down to me when I was a lesbian and didn't admit it. Even though they've become more open now as society evolves, I can't see them ever standing beside my transgender issues. They barely love me as-is (honestly_.

14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
I'm new to all this stuff, to be honest.

15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
I'm female, and I do everything in my power to make myself believe that.  So far, no luck.

16) Name some media you connect with queerly
...What?

17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
...Some of these questions are NOT for n00bs like me...

18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
It makes me question my future probably far more than I already should...I have my doubts that I will ever be happy in this body.

19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
STOP CONFUSING ME, I'M NEW!!!

20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Never been religious.

21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I've always known it, whether it had a term or not. Ever since YOUNG childhood.

22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I prefer straight men, and that is part of the reason I can't ever see myself transitioning. I'm going to be unhappy either way, might as well not be alone.

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Even my fellow trans friends don't know my inner trans-feelings.

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?


25) Your first queer crush or relationship
I had a HUGE crush on this gay guy I worked with years ago. Even then, I found his flamboyancy annoying. I can't see myself ever fully falling for a man who would love me as a trans man.

26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
I've been trying more and more to dress feminine lately. However, it hasn't made me FEEL any more feminine at this point.

27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
I am too lazy
I'm not going to write one
I'm so drunk, sorry.

28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
At this point, honestly, no one. I feel like everyone is a fake friend. And my BPD prevents me from feeling any kind of closeness o my boyfriend.

29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
This site, DUH.

30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
Being...miserable?

[ativan]

I'm BPD among other things.
Your answers while drinking have that same tone as I do when I drink.
Belligerent, but nice. I mean that in a good way.
Hang around, I think you have some questions you haven't thought about, yet.
Look through some topics and threads, there are answers to those questions, there.
We're also pretty good at answering them ourselves around here.
Ativan

[D0LL]

^ I didn't take offense to that. I read it exactly as you meant it!
I do have so many questions, and I guess since I've never really joined a group like this before, I don't really know much about the trans of whatever you wanna call it community. I don't know all of this terminology, and I don't really know what to expect to find out, either. ^^; Hoping to find some answers in time, though. I've suppressed my inner self for too long. :/

[brainiac]

I do have so many questions, and I guess since I've never really joined a group like this before, I don't really know much about the trans of whatever you wanna call it community. I don't know all of this terminology, and I don't really know what to expect to find out, either. ^^; Hoping to find some answers in time, though. I've suppressed my inner self for too long. :/

We're always happy to help out with terms! Have you checked out the wiki yet? There's tons of great information there.

Maybe I'll do this too.

1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Just "transgender" or "non-binary" as helpfully vague terms, or if they want more detail, I'll basically show this with my hands: ♂───●───◯──────♀.  My boyfriend calls me a she-male and tr*nny affectionately (as well as f*g) . I actually find it validating (in the 'take back the word' sense), and he obviously knows they're offensive terms for other people.

2) How did you grow up with your gender?
I didn't really start getting dysphoria until puberty. I was always a nerdy tomboy--as in, I liked nerdy "boy" stuff (and occasional "girly" stuff), but not really rough and tumble. My parents were great about encouraging me to pursue my interests, though not so much about dressing in a non-feminine way.

3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
I'm not particularly interested in making a display of it, but I'm almost always wearing something more masculine and something more feminine. Like if I'm decked out in boy clothes, I often have nail polish on, and I've definitely worn boxers under dressed before.

4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
David Sedaris, Anderson Cooper, Julia Serano, Buck Angel, Sutan Amrull, Portia de Rossi, to name a few.

5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
For body dysphoria--I have a subconscious male body map. I bind if I'm feeling chest dysphoria and sometimes pack if I'm feeling bottom dysphoria. Changing the terms my partner uses also really helps. For social dysphoria, I change the way I dress and correct people using the wrong terms.

6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
There was a brief period when I started to explore being trans as a young teenager, but then I dove headfirst into denial. Towards the end of college, I finally put all the pieces together and admitted to myself that I was trans. I thought that being FTM transsexual was the only "option" for me, but then I looked more into non-binary identities. That was what fit the best.

7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
I have red hair, which I like quite a lot. I just cut it to a medium length, which has boosted my confidence a lot.

8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
I dislike it when LGBT people jump down the throats of cis and straight people who want to be allies when they ask questions (I've seen this happen even when the questions aren't very ignorant/offensive). I believe strongly in the power of education and compassion to combat ignorance so I'm always willing to chat about it, but I understand that people get sick of having to educate everyone around them. You still don't have to be rude about it and alienate the people who want to be on our side!

9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I've come out to friends, my partner, and my parents. But I don't feel like that's been enough change, so I'm probably going to choose a name and either male or gender-neutral ("they") pronouns.

10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I'm not planning to go on HRT or get SRS. But, I am working on fitness to get my body less pear-shaped and add on muscle.

[Schuyler]

I never finished this, so I tried to answer as many questions as I could.

6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
A: I'm in the stage where I'm realizing it more and more each day. I'm beginning to find myself again, and when something feels right -- I don't want to lose it.

7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
A: It sounds funny, but I like my hands. It's the most gender neutral thing about my body.

An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community.
A: I don't have one or a specific opinion, I guess.

9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
A: I've got a foot out the door. I'm out to a few people. My doctor, my therapist, my ex-husband etc. Part of the reason for not being fully out, I'm not sure how to come out.  Names and pronouns don't bother me compared to being called the wrong gender -- if that makes sense. I don't mind being called a he or she, but I want to be able to have an A or a N on my ID, to be able to claim or have my gender recognized in such a way, it would be a great blessing.

10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
A: I think I've come to a point where I'm going to look into my options. I wish my body would reflect neutrality. No sexual parts, no body hair, no feminine curves/manly mass...just human.

11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event.
A: No answer.

12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender.
A: I feel that it accurately describes me. It's a term I'm comfortable with using it for myself, even if there are those arguing who is or isn't "trans enough".

13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
A: They don't know, but I don't think they would have a problem with it either. Right now, I don't have my family to talk to, due to some horrible circumstances. Hopefully, things change soon.

14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
A: I am not.

15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
A: I struggle at times. Mostly due to my own indecision rather than a pure focus on gender dysphoria.

16) Name some media you connect with queerly.
A lot of blogs and vlogs. Having access to the internet again is great; I get to connect with people who understand.

17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
A: This ties in with Q9. Being called the wrong pronoun or the wrong name, it doesn't bother me. I don't feel angry or hurt. What I want is to be recognized, legally, as an agender person. I don't want to have to claim a false coat again because I don't fit with one box or the other.

18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
The funny -- well, not funny, mm...the thing is when I try and picture myself in the future, it's hard. The image is like rippling water or a dirty mirror. I just can't get a good look even when I squint.

19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
A: I think it's just labels in general. I'm wary to use any -- to hold them close because it always feels like it excludes someone on some basis. I know I struggle with rejection. If I thought I found a community that I thought would finally understand to only be turned away...I think that would hurt me more than being rejected by those I know who wouldn't understand.

20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
A: Not really. I was never religious growing up. I think, if anything, I'm just agnostic. I know there is a great, beautiful force in the world...I'm just not sure what it is or how it fits in within the constrictions of religion.

21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
A: It's gotten stronger. I'm slowly peeling back all these defenses -- these layers, and I'm digging to the core. It's a difficult process but so rewarding as well.

22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
A: I wouldn't even know where to start with labels. I closely relate to panromantic. Sexual orientation is...difficult to place, especially when I know male and female organs are wrong on this body. I'm very much a sexual being...I just there are other ways to express those feelings.

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
A: I'm very open to questions. Though I may not have the answers or the right words to explain it, myself.

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
A: It hasn't. That might be a little bold to say since I haven't really come out to anyone.

25) Your first queer crush or relationship.
A: I had my first queer relationship with my ex-girlfriend, Rose. I was fourteen, I think. It was great...until sex became a frequent subject. I wasn't comfortable in my skin, and it became something she couldn't wait for me to figure out my feelings.

26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender.
I'm lazy when it comes to clothes unless I know I have somewhere special to go. I just want to feel comfortable.

27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
A: Stuck within the lines,
the battle of north and south.
lost in the middle.

Eh, poetry isn't my strongest skill, and I think that would make me a belly-button...an innie, for sure.

28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
A: This forum, these people. They have given me so much strength and hope and kindness -- it's wonderful.

29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences.
A: A chance to finally be me. To be happy.

30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
Truth. Introspection. Love. Self-worth. Happiness. All of these things, I get to experience more and more every day. I still have my bad days but I'm beginning to like who I am, finding a reason to live beyond just surviving in this world. It's what makes it worth the struggle.

[black_moon_dust]

1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?

Im androgyne

[Taka]

day by day didn't work, so now i''l try all in one go instead.
let's see...

Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
androgyne, genderfluid... umm, actually i gave up. not defining it any more. me-gender, bird of prey gender, shapeshifting chibi devil gender. anything i feel like that doesn't sound like a gender per se.

How did you grow up with your gender?
i grew up as a normal introverted obedient child. not sure how much of a gender i was, i just wore what i was told to wear, avoided talking too much, withdrew and never had friends before high school. but that was for other reasons than my gender. not sure how that has influenced me at all. though i did try too hard to be a girl some times, and that ended in something of a personal disaster. did rise again though, not giving in to life quite yet.

What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
being myself, wearing whatever i feel like wearing. or what's left in my wardrobe after i've been too lazy to wash clothes for a while.

Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
sir psycho sexy (i wonder where he is now), shion from family compo, sevan and ativan. they made me realize that i am me, and not what everybody else tells me i should be.

Dysphoria and how you manage it
there is some of it. i manage it by telling myself that it passes and the world isn't likely to end tomorrow. the chance will come, and it's better to wait for the right time than rushing too much.

When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
when i joined this forum. that is, i probably knew a few weeks or months before, but i didn't know of the possibility until i found this forum, read this androgyne section, and joined.

What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
my waist, if i lost some weight.

An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
what is the gsm community?

What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
i plan to let people realize on their own and answer if they ask. i'll try to give the more eluding of my honest answers. let them think a little for themselves.

Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
i tried to start something, but it's not too easy where i live. gonna try again soon. not that i'm planning that much of a change, but i'm looking for a better yin/yang harmony in my body.

Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
never been to any

Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
i don't like it. intersex would be much better, i'm sure there are physical reasons as well. calling something trans just because it's different just doesn't sit well with me. isn't a woman a woman even if she has a beard?
still good to have a term that can be used differently than transsexual.

How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
i don't think the younger ones would care too much, except for my daughter. is a little difficult to convince her i'll still be her mom no matter what.
would rather not talk about parents.

Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
oh, so that's what gsm means. no, i'm not. or should i say i am? since i'm here...

How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
clothes are just clothes, the sellers only want to make money, don't they? forms are annoying. "are you male or female?" how do i answer "yes and no"? as for bathrooms, i tend to use the cleaner ones. as a faab, i'd be permitted to any.

Name some media you connect with queerly
hæ? what? i'm generally queer, and not just in terms of gender/sexuality. but connecting queerly, what does that even mean?

How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
i go "grrr" inside, then let it go. it's not like most people have any idea that other genders exist for real.

How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
it doesn't.

What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
all of them, if you mean the label kind of terms. the terms for being allowed to exist, having the same rights, not being harassed in etc are also somewhat problematic. i long for the day when "human" is all that really matters.

Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
nope.

How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
it's gotten better. starting to agree with my self a lot more.

What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
pan something. and how am i supposed to know what part of me affected another in what way? everything combines into me, change one thing and it's someone else.

Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
i don't look ambiguous enough for them to ask. or where looks don't matter, i don't act ambiguous enough for anyone to ask.
being me is too little girliness to be taken for a girl, but too little machismo to clash with my looks.

How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
not much. i gain and lose friends over other matters than gender.

Your first queer crush or relationship
my first boyfriend. he was cuter than most girls. our personalities didn't match at all, so it ended.

Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
they change all the time, and not always according to my gender.

Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)
never, i'm not genderqueer (don't you dare label me).

looking over the vast ocean
freedom lifting my wings
i miss the nest that the last storm took
~the lonely eagle~

Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
my daughter, ms sun, my new employer, lovisa negga, my cat, my feline friends and the wolf pup (they're online friends), some of the people here. and my bad boy, the cute canadian finn.
there are also other people who some times manage to cheer me up, but most of them aren't really friens. i just have too many acquaintance.

Some positive Genderqueer experiences
my uncle seeing through me, recognizing the hidden me.

What does Genderqueer mean to you?
the word means nothing. a person's heart and mind do.

[Kim 526]

1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Androgyne

2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Wanted to be a girl at age 4

3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
The Patty Hearst look: the hair, beret, leather, boots.

4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Van. After seeing some of the photos I hope Van has a great career in modeling ahead.

5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
Dysphoria left me when I had SRS

6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
Only a couple weeks ago it hit me that I am neither gender really. Or a different gender.

7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
My breasts and vagina

An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
none

9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
Did that a long time ago.

10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I first transitioned in 1999, SRS in 2001, Reverted to male presentation in 2003. Now am growing my hair longer again and buying tops that accentuate my small breasts. Maintenance HRT dose via patch.

11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
TCNE is a wonderful organization which holds great events. I'd say it was 1996 when I first went to First Event. It was a blast.

12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
Umbrella term, it doesn't bother me.

13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
It was tough from 1999-2003 when I was full time MTF. After 2003 things are much better.

14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
Definitely

15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
I love to shop. I try to find a unisex bathroom. My form entries read the same as the gender marker on my driver's license.

16) Name some media you connect with queerly
Lady Antebellum – imagine a sandwich with them!

17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I got a lot of  it when I was out. It sucked.

18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
Living my life.

19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
>-bleeped-< is a pet peeve of mine.

20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
When I was coming out I chose a welcoming and affirming Episcopal parish near where I had just moved.

21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I love myself even more than ever!

22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
I am attracted to women, of all genders/no gender. Not having male sex organs was a huge problem in 2 of the last 4 relationships I've been in. But I am still happy with who I am and the way I am now. There will be someone who also loves me as I am.

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
One friend and nobody else.

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
None.

25) Your first queer crush or relationship
David Bowie / Ziggy Stardust

26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
I wear tight t shirts, jeans, boots or Converse sneaks. And leather fall-spring. Just regular clothes

27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of conciousness paragraph)

I never thought that there would be,
Anybody in the world just like me.
Not a female, not a male,
No description you can nail.

So while you try to figure me out,
My appearance might give you doubt.
Come close, let me whisper in your ear:
"Feel free to call me just queer."

28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.
Ex wife, children, best friend, Mom & brother.

29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Once in 1998 before I was completely out, I was definitely genderf*ing, out of the blue a 20-something kid came over to me in a convenience store and said "pick one!"

30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
An umbrella term for those who don't conform to a gender binary, or take on characteristics of a person opposite their birth gender assignment, or do not completely transition to the opposite their birth gender assignment. Short answer: me!

[Travestydearest]

I think this might be an interesting experiment. ^^ Though I know I won't have the patience to only do one question a day... Not that anyone else is.

1) Do you use any other terms to define your gender?
Genderqueer and bi-gendered are actually words that I just learned a week ago or so. I sometimes go with 'Boy Travesty' or 'Girl Travesty.' Those terms are really not very accurate, though, as I tend to jump all over the Gender Identity Spectrum from day to day. I'm sure I'll stabilize eventually. Until then, I have actually found it's easier to classify my different 'gender days' with names. Not that I classify anything for anyone other than myself. Really, I am quite new to accepting myself as bi-gendered, so I don't really know all the terminology. ^^;

[Travestydearest]

2) How did you grow up with your gender?

Backwards. I started wanting to be a boy at four, though I am not sure if I really knew what it meant then. I went back and forth throughout elementary, though mostly I just thought that if I hoped and prayed enough I would wake up male one day. Sweet naivety. I accepted myself for who I was in elementary and even expressed as male for most of it. Which led to merciless bullying of course. The bullying followed me to junior high, where I still felt male a lot of days, but I didn't let it show. Denial initiated. In high school I backed so far into the gender closet that I couldn't see the door anymore. I was all female, all the time; I managed to convince myself of that. Denial well established. That lasted for about five years, then I started to explore my gender identity for a bit; for a grand total of three months. Then I pulled back into deep denial again for two years (mostly because I got pregnant) and convinced myself that I wasn't genderqueer yet again. I only started my venture back out of the denial closet a few weeks ago, actually. Like I said in my last answer, I'm new to all of this. I decided that it is time to stop being miserable and hating the world and just accept myself. Because life is too short to waste pretending to be something that you aren't.

[Travestydearest]

3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?

I'm not really sure that I like any of those terms. I don't really believe in gender roles in the first place, so I don't believe that they can be 'upset.' The term 'gender>-bleeped-<ing' seems extremely abrasive and I don't think I will ever use it again. So, I really don't know how to answer this question.

[Travestydearest]

4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes

My number one hero/inspiration is actually someone who I dated in junior high who is undergoing the transition from female to male. And, now that I actually found the guts to talk to him, he has offered so much support. He is answering all of my nosey questions, which I really helpful. I am not sure if you could call it a 'crush,' but my feelings for him have carried over from junior high. Alas, he is more into women. As for 'famous' people, I really don't know any. However, I admire anyone who isn't afraid to be themselves, no matter who that person is.