30 day genderqueer challenge

[ethereal-ineffability]

So close to finishing in a month, I flaked on the last four... oh well.

27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer. (if you struggle, try a haiku, acrostic poem with your name, or just a stream of consciousness paragraph)

What am I today?
Why can't I just pick a side?
God f***ing d**nit.

28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better? Your relationship doesn't have to be related to queerness.

Pretty much all my friends, when they aren't rolled up in some kind of drama. Especially my two partners, who are both trans and are very, very supportive of me (the reverse is true as well, of course). My family makes my life better just by being more kind than the families of some of my loved ones... even if I'm not out to them and they aren't completely supportive of LGBT* issues. In general, I'm just pretty lucky, even if my life isn't perfect and I need to vent sometimes. No one in my life is completely toxic, and where I can't find support and resources with some of them, I can with others.

29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences

Most recently, in cancun, I was sir'd three times in one evening by waiters while I was at a restaurant with my parents... and they didn't correct either of them. The first one corrected himself, but the second one just kept going. He might have even sir'd me three times instead of two, I don't remember, I was just way too happy.

30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?

I've thought about it a lot, and I don't think it's something you can really put into words. It's something internal, like a feeling that's always with you and can either make you feel awful as >-bleeped-< or just... nothing above the usual? It's hard to describe something you've always felt because you don't really know anything to compare it to. I know, I like to participate in gendered things on occasion, and certain pronouns and presentations make me feel a lot better about myself on certain days... but when it's just me alone, when I look down, when I look out, when I look around, even when I look in the mirror... I don't see a gendered individual. I don't feel like one. These are not the hands of a man or a woman typing this right now, these are just hands. My hands. It gets a little harder to say that about body parts that are heavily gendered by society like my chest, and I want top surgery eventually, but in the end it's not to look like a man, it's just to look like me. Gender is the clothes that my soul decides to wear day by day (with little to no say-so from conscious me), but in the end, what's underneath the clothes is what is actually me. I am _________, and I am getting more and more okay with that.

[Allison Wunderland]

1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?

I use bigender and genderfluid.

"Me" . . .

"Authentic" . . .



WTF Images are not posting.

[Kaya_Kai]

1) Do you use any other terms to define or

explain your gender?

Gender fluid, Androgyne, Awesome, Me

[Kaya_Kai]

2) How did you grow up with your gender?
Yes? Kind of a tricky question for me being between worlds. I used to crossdress on occasion, though more often I simply pretended I was a girl a lot of the time. When I was by myself. I don't remember speaking about it to others, I'm pretty sure I learned quick that that was bad. Because of my long hair I've often been referred to as a girl. I never was the one to correct them. However at other times I really was just a normal boy.
Puberty was kind to me in many respects. Largely I just felt, not wrong bodied, simply that my body was developing incorrectly. Like I didn't quite fit within it. Like I was in some way "too big" for my body.

[Kaya_Kai]

3) What's your favorite ways of upsetting gender roles / genderbending / gender>-bleeped-<ing?
Being me is enough. I don't really mess with people since its hard for them to see me when im in the closet.

[Kaya_Kai]

4) Name some queer heroes, influences, or crushes
Translabrynth, I'll be honest is a bit of a crush as well as a hero.
Brin convenient
Zinnia Jones

[Kaya_Kai]

I'm impatient, so I'm going to attack a few at a time.

5) Dysphoria and how you manage it
This is not a question, but I dont really have an answer for it either.

6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
Now you are testing my concept of time. I don't keep track of time very well. Within the last few months was when it finally dawned on me that I was gender fluid, because while I often felt MTF, there were times where I simply had no interest in even entertaining the thought of being trans. I'm still getting used to the jumps, though I seem to stabilize in the middle ground a lot more.

7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?
No >-bleeped-<ing clue.

[Kaya_Kai]

An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community
Not a question, but I am sure I have a few. Can't think of any though.

9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.
I will come out to my family, beyond that I frankly have no clue. Part of me wants to use they them pronouns etc, part of me wants to just socially go as female to avoid having to explain non binary to people.

10) Are you taking any steps to physically transition?
I'm trying to get on hormones but my damn doctor wont answer my calls or emails!!!

[Kaya_Kai]

11) Your first experience with a GSM organization or event
Nada zip nothing.

12) Discuss your relationship with the term transgender
I prefer it to transexual.

13) How has your family taken it or how might they take it?
My mother has stated she would need counseling if I turn out to be gay. Clearly she will have issue. My brother is usually the one to start transphobic discussions, but he knows that on some level I do crossdress. My sister might be okay with it, but her husband very likely will not. I imagine once I come out to my sister I will no longer be able to see my neice and nephew.

14) Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?
yes? The need for this question confuses me

[Kaya_Kai]

15) How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.
Get pissed at the world then use my assigned birth for anything that anyone else will see.

16) Name some media you connect with queerly
the internet?

17) How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?
I tolerate it as it is currently a necessary evil. Sometimes I tolerate it more than others.

[Kaya_Kai]

Missed a few days there, it wasnt a fun time.
18) How does your gender factor in to your future plans?
I'm going to be me soon. I'm also likely to be without friends, family or a job but I'll burn that bridge after I cross it. Or cross that bridge while it's burning. Or however that metaphor is supposed to go.

19) What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?
The usual T slurs, although I also dislike Transexual since its wording makes it difficult to seperate from sexuality. It is a term from a time when the two were believed to be related.

20) Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?
Athiest, raised without religion. One of my blessings I suppose, my only problems with religion are trying to understand how people believe in them in the first place.

[suzifrommd]

I'm going to be me soon. I'm also likely to be without friends, family or a job but I'll burn that bridge after I cross it. Or cross that bridge while it's burning. Or however that metaphor is supposed to go.

I hope it doesn't come to that. Do you really think your family and friends will abandon you?

[Kaya_Kai]

Missed a few days again...

@suzi: Most likely, they are... hostile against the concept of "men in dresses". Every now and then I entertain the notion that they would understand if it was someone they actually care about, but I don't put much stock in it. If nothing else, expect the worst hope for the best etc.

21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I simultaneously hate and love myself for it, depending on the day. My emotions on the matter are far from reaching a middling point. I have become more self involved, something which bothers me although it seems necessary considering the situation.

[Allison Wunderland]

Missed a few days again...

@suzi: Most likely, they are... hostile against the concept of "men in dresses". Every now and then I entertain the notion that they would understand if it was someone they actually care about, but I don't put much stock in it. If nothing else, expect the worst hope for the best etc.

21) How has your relationship with yourself been affected since you realized you were Genderqueer?
I simultaneously hate and love myself for it, depending on the day. My emotions on the matter are far from reaching a middling point. I have become more self involved, something which bothers me although it seems necessary considering the situation.

"Men in dresses" -- Let me knock that one back for a second.

I suppose there's the unstated question . . . "What is required to 'pass' . . . "

Using women's rest-rooms without incident.
Wearing dresses.

These two seem huge hurdles. One has it's own forum here. The other seemingly is an under-theme, lurking behind everything else. I love dresses, look absurd in them.

I have cis-female friends who can't wear dresses. They too look absurd.

Let's remember additionally that dresses, skirts were invented by the Patriarchy to provide sexual access to women -- "Pull up the dress and have your way!"

For the most part, no issue about what I present. It's a guy with long, full hair past the shoulders, 6 piercings for ear-rings. If you look very closely, the clothing is mixed gender, ("gender neutral / unisex") -- but F clothing seems to offer more panache.

Lot's of criticism about Jenner, linked from herein, conservative Jenner states, in essence, "It costs millions to do  this, young people shouldn't expect the govt. to pay for it, shouldn't expect that it's a way to get on the dole rather than working for a living."

That's what Jenner said . . .

VA pays for my trans (disabled veteran) . . . but no "cosmetic / elective" . . .

Mostly, day-to-day, I'm just me. Authentic, integrated, centered -- somewhere between cis-M and cis-F.

[Kaya_Kai]

@allison For clarification, I was referring specifically to the way they [my family] view the concept of transexuality.

22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?
Yes? I tend to prefer feminine individuals (I believe the term is gynesexual?). My gender affiliation doesnt seem to make a huge differences. My libido tends to cause trouble emotionally when I am dysphoric. I am currently much more interested in the idea of a romantic relationship than sexual.

[Kaya_Kai]

Probably failed the challenge since I haven't posted everyday. I may have bought enough time with my bundles.

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
Not to anyone in real life, not yet. Internet sure I love answering questions

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
I suspect they suspect something, since as time goes by the people who know me seem to talk more and more about "crossdressing freaks". Or perhaps it is simply me noticing since I'm paying attention. Otherwise, not really an issue yet.

[Peter Pan]

Guess I'll jump in.

1) Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?
Transgender, agender, nonbinary, and now I'm starting to throw in demi-male. I try to use genderfluid less, because I'm not 100% certain that that's what I am. If I am, I think I flow subtly between agender and demi-male.

[Kaya_Kai]

I vanished, sorry if anyone cares

25) Your first queer crush or relationship: I honestly don't know?
26) Discuss how your clothes do or don't reflect your gender
I tend to go toward more androgynous clothes now, tighter pants, girls pants when I can (I have a limited supply). I don't have a very good collection of andro shirts I can wear, most of it's either boring mens clothes or too obviously feminine. The only one I really wear in public is actually technically a dress but I tuck it into my pants and it's androgynous enough it makes me feel better while not bringing up too many questions from others. (At least that I've known about)
27) Write a poem about being Genderqueer.

They talk about how i'm a freak
my family, and friends
because of what makes me unique
So i bottle up, don't let it show
how could they love me once they know

[suzifrommd]

I vanished, sorry if anyone cares

I care. I've been reading every one of your responses. Good to see you back.

They talk about how i'm a freak
my family, and friends
because of what makes me unique
So i bottle up, don't let it show
how could they love me once they know

Powerful.

A shame that love is so conditional. It shouldn't have to be.

[Kaya_Kai]

28) Who are some people in your life, on or offline, who make your life better?
Currently? My therapist. I'm working on expanding that list.
29) Some positive Genderqueer experiences
Still working on it.
30) What does Genderqueer mean to you?
That I am more biologically creative about my gender than most people. Also Pain, definitely pain.