30 day genderqueer challenge

[Jamie D]

Day 22

22. What are your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?

Though I am not really sure what "pangendered" means, as used in this topic (by Edge), that may be a good term for me.  in the past, I have described myself as "bigendered and bisexual," but I am feeling more uncomfortable with those labels.  In fact, as this topic has progressed, I am feeling uncomfortable with all labels!

I have a soulmate to whom I am devoted.  I need not speculate about any other romances at this point in my life.

And let me add here, how thankful I am for those of you who are participating in this topic.  It seems like every post is giving me a new perspective, or something else to consider on this weird, wacky journey that is me.

[Edge]

Though I am not really sure what "pangendered" means, as used in this topic (by Edge), that may be a good term for me.

Someone came up with the word "pansexual" to include attraction to all genders including non-binary ones. In all honestly, it's pretty much the same as bisexual since most people who use the term bisexual mean the same thing.

[Jamie D]

Thanks, Edge.  Much appreciated.

Terminology 

[aleon515]

22. What are your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?

I'm asexual. (Which means that I have no attraction.) While there are more female asexuals than males (I think, not sure re: that one), I wonder, as I have heard about the drive coming from T, how someone would not "stick" attraction on someone with this kind of drive. I've never had that sort of drive.

As for being genderqueer, androgyne, or am I maybe ftm, well not sure. Nothing has changed so far. I know of a person on tumblr who is is an androgyne, is asexual, and taking T. He (is FAAB) says more or less that it is a wild ride.


--Jay Jay

[Julian]

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?

Short answer: no to all three, haha. It makes me very uncomfortable.

Long answer: I'll answer questions from friends, though I don't get them very often. I don't really talk about gender IRL with people who aren't close to me. Online, I'm more likely to answer questions from people I know less well. Unless the acquaintance or stranger is just being a dickbag wanting to know what parts I have, in which case I will gladly tell them to go f*ck themself.

[suzifrommd]

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?

Yes to all three. I'm a schoolteacher by trade. Educating people is in my blood. I'm more than happy to educate anyone who is curious. Even people who ask rude questions, I'd take a crack at explaining why their question is rude.

I'm more concerned about the people who don't ask, who just assume.

[Pica Pica]

I answer questions when asked, but I prefer to show by my actions and such rather than tell with my words.

[Edge]

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?
I don't feel comfortable by any means, but I also have difficulty stopping myself from talking about myself.

[Constance]

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?

I don't have any discomfort with friends. With acquaintances, it depends on the acquaintance and the question.

I haven't yet been asked such questions by strangers, so I'm not sure how I'd react. I think I'd it to be a bit invasive, though, if it was a stranger.

[Jamie D]

Day 23

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?

Other than my wife, I have never had to field question of this type in real life.

When I was much younger (teenager), I was kidded about my body morphology.  On a rare occasion I reacted violently.

Today, I would handle it differently.

[aleon515]

 23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about your gender to friends? Acquaintances? Strangers?

I guess not, since I have only told a couple people, both friends. I am very happy to answer questions and so on. Now though the question isn't disclosure but *answering questions*. Though with one exception, nobody has just come out and asked "well what's the deal with this?" So I haven't volunteered what was never asked. The one exception, when she asked the question, I was happy to answer.

I can't imagine being asked by an acquaintance and esp not a stranger.

--Jay Jay

[suzifrommd]

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?


Strained my marriage. My wife is having trouble getting the whole transgender thing, and is scared (rightly) about where it might lead.

My friends have been a bit more understanding, but it kind of consumes me these days so I've tried to stay away from the topic, lest I bore them into flight.

[Constance]

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?

My marriage ended, but at least my wife doesn't hate me.

My daughter and I are closer now, it seems.

It seems that most women who knew me as David have completely embraced me as Connie, and I feel like they're initiating me in the Women's Mystery Cult.

Some men, though, seem a little more distant.

[Jamie D]

Day24

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?

Not yet, at least.  I am not being questioned so much about the physical changes, especially with the side effects of the medications I am on.  But people have notice a change in my demeanor and attitude.

"What are you so happy about?" is a question I hear more and more these days.

[aleon515]

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?

Well I don't think it has changed in some respect, but I have found myself a lot more preoccupied and introverted. It probably hasn't really helped my relating to people much.
The two cisgender people I have told are very supportive. But I have picked who I told. I think I am going to come out to some more people.

--Jay Jay

[Edge]

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?
It hasn't. Although I am out to my friends, they completely ignore it and keep referring to me as female. That annoys me even when I'm female because I feel ignored.

[Julian]

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?

It hasn't really. The people who know all still love me the same.

25) Your first queer crush or relationship

Hrm. My first crush on someone other than a man was Kari Byron from the Mythbusters. My first queer real-life crush was a girl from high school I ended up sort-of dating the summer after I graduated. Both of these were before my gender issues really came up. Post-gender-issues, I've mostly been interested in straight men, but in attending a tech school I was surrounded by straight men; that was all I had access to.

[Pica Pica]

24) How has your relationship with the cisgender people in your life changed?

I am a more positive person and as a result people are more inclined to listen to my opinions on things, either that or they think I am a cock-eyed optimist, though I'm finding that better than being the mopey sulker I was through most of university.

25) Your first queer crush or relationship
Well, as an andro, I'd presume a queer crush would be on another andro as boys and girls are equally opposite. I've yet to crush on an andro (or knowingly do so). If, as I suspect it does, it means the yawn boring issue of fancying another male-bodied soul, I suppose I would have to say it was when I was eleven and there was this boy called Andrew. He was a few years older than me, his dad was my dad's principal (my dad went to college in his early 40s) and we lived in his roof. He wasn't attractive but I found his arrogance very appealing.

[suzifrommd]

25) Your first queer crush or relationship

I'll say Gina Schock, lesbian drummer of the Gogos. I'll call it a queer crush because it was her genderbending that attracted me. She took on what had been up until then an almost exclusively male role.

[Edge]

25) Your first queer crush or relationship
I'm not sure what counts as queer. My first crush on a female-bodied person was former best friend. Although I did ask her out, we never actually went out on a date and kissing her felt wrong (like I was kissing my sister not because she was female. I have enjoyed kisses with other females. Just not ones I have a previous close, but platonic relationship with same as with guys).