Actually, here's the thing:
Unless it's been established that messing around like that is okay, then it's not okay. I've had former partners guilt and threaten me into doing things I wasn't okay with doing like Ira did to his previous partners, and that's not right. He talks a lot about "good consent", and this is what pisses me off. If someone is uneasy or not totally clear on whether or not they want to do things, I back off. It's a personal rule. If someone doesn't like what I'm doing, or seems unsure, or is ASLEEP(which is common sense here, guys), I back the hell off. I'm siding with the victims here, because I would be furious if I woke up to someone's crotch in my face. Hell, if I were in the shoes of each of his victims, I would have reacted more explosively. If you're sharing a bed with me, then you need to respect my boundaries. Ira clearly didn't respect the boundaries of any of the people he spent time with. You don't manipulate someone into having sex with you, that's completely messed up. You don't cry or act like it's this horrible thing if someone panics and says the wrong thing to get you away from them, you GET OFF OF THEM and LEAVE THEM ALONE.
It's a big deal because Ira acts as a mentor to trans* and GLBQ folks, and is technically in a position of leadership with groups like The Self Made Men. If he's honestly done all this crap to his former partners, he needs to step down. I've supported some of the groups he participates in previously, and I(among many others) don't feel okay in continuing to support these groups if someone like him remains in "power", so to speak.
Pressuring someone into banging you is rape, because you have to drag a "yes" out of them. It's wrong, and I think Ira needs to be expelled from every trans* group he participates in as a leader. Rapists shouldn't be mentors or leaders.
EDIT: Looks like The Self Made Men severed ties with Ira. That's a little better.
