Explaining things to children?

[Traivs]

I have been trying to either find or write/illustrate a children's book that will help my son understand whats going on. He's 3 and I think he's a little confused by the situation since most people treat me like a man and call me Travis but some still treat me like a girl and called me by my birth name. He's really smart and understanding for his age but he's a little confused and I think its getting close to time to sit down and explain it or something. We read over 20 books a week so i was thinking about a book to do it but I am having trouble finding anything any suggestions? or any hints about what i should include if i just make my own. I am a good artist and decent writer just not sure where to start with this one.

[aleon515]

I think this is an awesome idea and there might be a bit of a niche market for it. You might look at some of these. You wouldn't have to buy them but they might give you ideas. I don't think any of them are exactly your situation.

Princess Boy explains transgender to a very young child who is herself trans. I
http://www.amazon.com/My-Princess-Boy-Cheryl-Kilodavis/dp/1442429887

Keep in mind a developmental level. You don't want to explain too much, it's actually more confusing.

--Jay Jay

[Traivs]

writing a rough draft right now but I don't want to say to much in it, its pretty simple a small sentence per page here the rough rough draft without the pictures and suggestions help

I know things are different now
I know you may be confused

Mommy looks strange
and has some different hair

Mommy's clothes have changed
she's looking like a boy

Mommy 's changed her name and its all a little weird

Mommy's voice may be changing
maybe getting a little deeper

Mommy's now a he but nothing changes you and Me

We still play games and read
Nothing can come between you and me

mommy's a boy now
but just wait and see

no matter what happens he
still loves you with all his heart

[dky]

Thats great, man.i wonder, does your son know the words  strange and wierd? I can't remember if mine did at three. I like your approach.

[aleon515]

Thats great, man.i wonder, does your son know the words  strange and wierd? I can't remember if mine did at three. I like your approach.

I agree. It's a really nice start. At his age the pictures are going to be as important as the writing. (Actually picture books are good for older kids as well.)  I like the one sentence a page idea.

I think young kids understand "strange" but not "weird". Could read some Maurice Sendak books, they would teach some of that vocabulary pretty nicely (Where the Wild Things Are, etc.)

--Jay Jay

[Traivs]

Thanks and I don't know about most kids but i was reading Harry Potter and other books like that to him at 1 so he has a good vocab but loves simple fun picture books as well. With a book like this the pictures are going to be just as or more important than the words and if I make it well enough I would totally send a copy your guys way.

[A.T]

The book sounds a great idea, do you know how you would work the pictures in? Would you draw them yourself or get someone to illustrate for you? Please let us all know how it goes, this is great.

[jessman3]

Thats great, man.i wonder, does your son know the words  strange and wierd? I can't remember if mine did at three. I like your approach.

My DS is 3 1/2 and we just recently had this talk. (Sort of, he was asking about "boy parts" and "girl parts" and what we each had, particularly. I socially transitioned when he was an infant, so he only knows me as "papa") Instead of "strange" and "weird" however, I used "new" and "different". I think the words strange and weird could have negative connotations with a kid, but everyone is different, and theres always something new; they're more neutral.
But my partner and I kept it simple. "Papa is a boy, even though papa has girl parts. Its different, but thats okay. Papa will get help from a doctor to give him boy parts and help him grow a beard." (he  loves his dad's lol) We've left it at that and let him ask questions as they come up. He doesn't seem bothered or fazed, but I'm not sure he understands or comprehends completely (he has high functioning autism and will echo things seamlessly without understanding, so its hard to tell).

[Traivs]

The book sounds a great idea, do you know how you would work the pictures in? Would you draw them yourself or get someone to illustrate for you? Please let us all know how it goes, this is great.

I would probably do them myself I am more an artist than writer words are not really my thing. I have done some illustration stuff before so it shouldn't be too hard. Not sure which medium to use yet.

My DS is 3 1/2 and we just recently had this talk. (Sort of, he was asking about "boy parts" and "girl parts" and what we each had, particularly. I socially transitioned when he was an infant, so he only knows me as "papa") Instead of "strange" and "weird" however, I used "new" and "different". I think the words strange and weird could have negative connotations with a kid, but everyone is different, and theres always something new; they're more neutral.
But my partner and I kept it simple. "Papa is a boy, even though papa has girl parts. Its different, but thats okay. Papa will get help from a doctor to give him boy parts and help him grow a beard." (he  loves his dad's lol) We've left it at that and let him ask questions as they come up. He doesn't seem bothered or fazed, but I'm not sure he understands or comprehends completely (he has high functioning autism and will echo things seamlessly without understanding, so its hard to tell).

I agree that those kinds of words might be better I have a hard time choosing words especially that flow well. Thanks I need that kind of criticism.
Also I have talked with my son a little bit before this but I am really trying to find a way to let him see that I will still be the same person just different because when I talked to him before he said he doesn't want me to be a man because than he wont have a mommy anymore and with no mommy the bad guys will kidnap him and hurt him. So my goal once its a little bit more finalized to to show the differences and also help let him know I will still be here for him. Though I think he's mostly confused because he's also said  stuff like "mommy, your going to be a great man one day"  and saying stuff like if I was a man i would be daddy not dad ect.. he's going back and forth. I think he's afraid I will change to much and stop being there for him or protecting him or something but i could be way off

[Brooke777]

My roommate (a.k.a wife) actually has a great story for me to use to come out to our son. It makes it seem like me being male was basically just so we could have him. She does not want me to share the whole story on here, but said she would give it to you through email. If you would like it, pm me and I will give you her email. Sorry for the hoops. She can be quite difficult.

[Traivs]

My roommate (a.k.a wife) actually has a great story for me to use to come out to our son. It makes it seem like me being male was basically just so we could have him. She does not want me to share the whole story on here, but said she would give it to you through email. If you would like it, pm me and I will give you her email. Sorry for the hoops. She can be quite difficult.

That would be awesome thanks

[Traivs]

Wrote a new draft wondering if there is any more suggestions

I know things are different now
I know you may be confused

Mommy looks Different
and has some new hair

Mommy's clothes have changed
she's looking like a boy

Mommy 's changed her name and its all a little new

Mommy's voice may be changing
maybe getting a little lower

Mommy's now a he but nothing changes you and Me

We still play games and read

we still ride bikes and skate

we still Draw and paint

we still play Pirates and sail the seven seas

No matter what changes...

Just you wait and see.....

Mommy's a boy now
but Nothing can come between you and me

[aleon515]

This is great! You might work on some little rhymes here. Little kids LOVE these and it is soothes them. So if he becomes worried, you both can use the rhymes. Though I tend to think little kids are very resilient. You're doing great Dad!

--Jay Jay

[Traivs]

I tried to think of how to make the stuff rhyme but i kinda failed I will keep working on it though and I thinks the pictures will make it better

[dky]

I dig this. I think the second draft is great. Ryhmns are hard, but I think you are getting there. I wonder if you want to let your son know in the book what to call you now? That may be a separate thing. It's up to you. I'd be into a copy of the book when it's done if you are into that still. I like your emphasis on the stability of your relationship with your son, along with the changes. Good job.

[justmeinoz]

Kids seem to accept what they can comprehend, and just let the rest go past in my experience.  Given that they listen to fairy tales and watch TV cartoons about talking railway engines, it is just another magical transformation I guess.  Mine were in their 20's by the time I started transition and came out to them though.

Karen.

[aleon515]

I tried to think of how to make the stuff rhyme but i kinda failed I will keep working on it though and I thinks the pictures will make it better

Well it would make it harder for sure. I think you have a few in there. I think pictures will really help but I still like this.

BTW, I talk to a guy at the transgender center. He has a young son, came out the time you did I think. He really understands much better than most people from the sounds of it. I think kids are very resilient.


--Jay Jay