need advice PLEASE

[samiam]

so, until recently i'd identified as a lesbian. then i met a girl who i later found out privetly identifies as a man. her family is very religious and would never accept her as a man and she is forced to hide her true identity. ive offered to refer to her with masculine pronouns to make her more comfortable but she said it would be "weird", i think it's because it would make it even harder for her to have to act like a girl around her family/friends. it has been pretty confusing for my own sexuality having to realize that she really is a man, and i know its a million times worse for her, as her parents almost kicked her out when they thought she was gay. they told her she needed help, but now they think it was just a phase. she doesn't really like to talk about a lot of things surrounding her gender identity problems because it makes her frustrated and vulnerable, so i figured id ask some other people in a similar position, which is what lead me here. i know things differ for each person, but could anyone give me some advice on how to make things easier on her, make her more comfortable, what got on your nerves that you wished people hadn't said/done, anything really. ive never known anyone before in this situation and its hard to have feelings for her sometimes because i have to remind myself that she's NOT a girl and i can't treat her like one. i really care about her, or him rather i suppose, and i want to make things as comfortable and accepting as i possibly can, and im just not quite sure where to start.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I'm not sure what you are asking for.

[Nygeel]

Alright, so my summary of what I got is your partner is in a crappy situation with people saying it's a phase or pressuring them to do certain things. I'm not sure if you're on here seeking help for your partner, or for you.

One suggestion I have is your partner seek out a gender therapist. If family is saying that your partner should seek help, a therapist might help (and the therapist might also show the folks saying "it's a phase" that it isn't a phase). Could also help your partner figure out how to get what they want. There are a few different resources out there listing therapists if that's what your partner wants.

It's possible that your partner believes transition (including social transition) would be too much to handle. This does happen because transition can be really overwhelming.

[Felix]

I privately identified as male for a long time before coming out. I also had unsupportive family and a lot of other (real and perceived) barriers to transition.

Idk, though. I'd say the main thing is give him plenty of room to explore and define himself. He may want to stay "she" for awhile. He may have a hard time with roles and expectations, just like you are. Cliches and stereotypes have often made me very uncomfortable. Like people saying my getting lost if I don't use a map is "just like a woman," etc.

If you hang around here you can pick up on enough to get a better understanding of how to be supportive. We're all different though.