HRT: A moment of, shock.

[Nicolas]

Hello everyone,

I have recently started HRT and am enjoying it so very much! It is an incredibly exciting change in my life but I was wondering if anyone who has gone on HRT have moments of sitting back and feeling a bit, overwhelmed?

I was watching some youtube videos the other night and watching just how amazing the changes that take place really are. And it made me sit back and think, wow... these are huge changes that are about to take place. I am not afraid of what will happen and I'm not questioning my decision to start HRT. I'm excited, hopeful and do look forward to it. But at times it does hit me like a brick wall. In a few months I will not be the daughter my parents adored or the sister my siblings adore.

Yes I will be "me" and they love me no matter what. Thankfully I have been blessed with an amazing family and friends. But truth is that things will be different. Everything will be different - and it is something that does just blow me away.

Does anyone experience this sense of... disbelief? I don't know if that is the right word, I'm not sure if I am expressing myself correctly but hopefully readers will understand what I am trying to express. Are all these changes exciting? For me, definitely. I really am excited about it but really - wow, life is really beginning. A whole new life for me.

I suppose I am really asking if anyone who has begun HRT has ever had a moment where all the oncoming changes make you stop and think... life is about to change, and feel overwhelmed?

[Cindy]

Hi Nicolas,

Congrats by the way, and welcome. Do read the rules in the announcement area.

I do think many of us get blown away and hope that we have those big changes. But remember not everyone does, so temper your joy until you see stuff happening .

I hope they all do BTW.

In my opinion we also have to be a little bit careful in the celebrations. Your family sound great, but do remember to look through their eyes as well. Your Mum,  Dad and Sister are losing a 'girl' they grew up with. So do be aware. I remember when I told my sister that I was female and living as one she was happy for me, but also upset to lose her brother that she had grown up with. I told her I would always be her brother, but her sister as well.

So I do, we live in different countries so it is a bit easier in that way.

People also think we are losing something in following our path and don't realise we are gaining something.

That is a very difficult concept for many people.

Cindy

[barbie]

I also imagined how my kids would remember me when I get old to leave this world. That was one of reasons why I did not aggressively pursue HRT. The doctor explained well to me how my body and voice would change by HRT.

Barbie~~

[Rising_Angel]

I've heard different things about HRT, in the voice changing arena.  Some people say it will, some say it won't.  I've researched it on my own and even the experts are split on it.  Is it only FTM replacement that changes things, or is FTM and MTF?  I'm so confused ... >.<

[JoanneB]

HRT and YMMV go together like peanut butter and jelly. It is overwhelming to see others that get fantastic results. For MTFs a lot depends on when you start. T is powerful stuff and it's effects barely go away. It is also depressing if you start expecting the same, when you don't see it happening to you.

My biggest goal for HRT was for the emotional calming. That it certainly did for me and helped get me over some bad humps. (I went on it three times in my late teens and 20's.) While I always kind of wished I would sprout a full C-cup just getting to a for real A was enough to make me more than happy.

[Elizabeth K]

HRT - especially the testosterone you are starting, will change you.  FTM have better masculation on T, than we MTF have femininization on estrogen and blockers - but still, the effects are startlingly real either way.

Hormone treatment is the second most life changing thing you will do in transitioning (of course, surgery is first).

That is why HRT is NOT for experimentation or to be used as a 'fun thing"' to become "something else for a while".

HRT is both magical and very very serious.

But you wanted to be your true self.  You did right?  So you have to sacrifice what you are in anticipation for the joy in becoming what you truly are.

Just my opinion - and for me?  The most astoundingly RIGHT thing I ever did!

Lizzy

[Nicolas]

Results vary, greatly, for everyone who goes through HRT. Perhaps I should have been more specific, my apologies. I was referring to everything changing drastically in terms of the person my family and friends know as the sister and daughter. Seeing how once the legal forms are filled out and submitted I will be going by my male name, etc.

I do not regret the decision or even doubt it. But as mentioned, I do have these moments of disbelief. It's rather amazing to be going through this metamorphosis.

[MariaMx]

Yes! I know exactly what you mean by feeling blown away. As has been mentioned HRT is serious stuff, so for me starting it symbolized finally giving up the fight and just surrender. I felt a great sense of liberation taking my first pill. One of the best days of my life.

Surgery was similar. My first was ffs, then srs. Being wheeled into the operating theater I felt a great calm despite the extreme nature of what I was about to go through. Good times 

[MariaMx]

It's rather amazing to be going through this metamorphosis.

It certainly is. Even with all it's ups and downs, the trouble, the cost and all the pain it is an experience I somehow feel grateful for having had. A friend of mine said he felt very privileged to get to witness the process of transition.

[Catherine Sarah]

Interesting point.
I was talking to my Mother the other day about my transition. Once she got over the initial shock (she's probably known for some time, but was waiting for the official word), she started asking some in depth questions.

She ended her conversation with the comment that she thought I was "brave."  I asked her what brave meant, and she said to go this far in following my convictions.

I ;later thought about her statement and thought, how many people do we here in ordinary conversation mention how they would love to holiday at blah blah, of wish they had a nice set of bone china, or something that really doesn't take too much effort to do, and yet they struggle with just the thought of attempting arrange it.

Compare that to the process of transitioning. The psychological, emotional, physical, financial, social, industrial and personal understanding, knowledge and acceptance hurdles we confront, daily, pre and post transition. I believe we all need world recognition for attempting the nigh impossible and achieving it in style and remarkable success.

Brave, to take on all those aspects? Well that's a start at finding a word that attempts to describe it.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[MariaMx]

She ended her conversation with the comment that she thought I was "brave."  I asked her what brave meant, and she said to go this far in following my convictions.

People would often tell me how brave they thought I was, but to me it never felt like bravery. It was more like my survival instinct doing it's thing. I was compelled to live rather than die (figuratively or literally). When push came to shove I just did what I had to do to stay alive.