new here and need and answer

[Trans Truth]

I went there and in that first day the therapist said that I was transsexual. She said I was the most text book case she had ever seen. Two visits later she sent me to the clinic there to be put on hormones.

Sorry, but I personally find this very weird. Therapists usually observe longer before they prescribe hormones from my experience. You do not appear to be a textbook case either - textbook cases are those who have never been masculine - so I don't know why she was saying this.

There are several options for you. You can transition, or you can decide not to - it's just as valid a choice. However, you need to make yourself comfortable. Losing some of that masculinity could be a start - it may be painful to your ego but it may be your only choice to be comfortable in the long run. Being a part-time woman is another step you can take.

If you can't pass even now, you may consider that a plus. Some people in their early 20s who can still pass worry about testosterone effects making them eventually unpassable, and therefore feel pressure to make their minds up. You won't have that issue if you already can't pass. So take your time.

[Kayla❤]

how would I post a picture here?

[Arch]

how would I post a picture here?

I'm afraid you have to post here a little more before you can do that. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.

[kathy bottoms]

I had a lot of advice that I just erased because there are far better suggestions and encouraging things being said by everyone else here.  I am new to Susan's also, and I've spent many hours reading posts.  There are girls and women here who struggled through the same issues that I had, and their stories showed me the problems that I face are quite manageable. 

The only advice that makes sense to me right now is ...Take some time to think things out, because things will always change and you want to do what is right for you.   ....  Everyone here on Susan's told me that, and it took a while for it to finally sink in.

Take care.
Kathy

[UCBerkeleyPostop]

Glad to see Kayla is still here.

[Tanya]

Hi Kayla,

I feel for you.  I am insanely tall (6'5") and much older (50) and I have no plans to transition for a host of reasons.  It took me years and years of back and forth to deal with my GID and my desire to be a woman.  I have learned that the desire/need does not go away.  you can lock it up for a while, but it creeps back stronger than before.  Finally, I have decided to accept myself the way I am.  I am transgender!  I want to be a woman.  I am also ok in my male role most of the time.  I decided to go on hrt and I can say that my system runs better on estrogen than it ever did on testosterone - meaning I am happier.  There is still a lot of fear and trepidation of what the future holds for me, but I am who I am. After 1 Year+ I am still presenting as male and it works.  I have had to make some adjustments in my wardrobe to hide my budding breasts, but its ok.  I am growing into myself more and more each day.  Who knows what the final outcome is, but I know I need to deal with it otherwise i know I will die a slow 'death' inside.
Wishing you courage and self acceptance.
Tanya

[Claire25]

Hi Kayla,

After reading over your posts I decided to give my 2cents to you situation.

I know the feeling about being a "mans man". Most people in our situations will try to be hyper-masculine to try to make the feelings go away. As you have noticed; they do not. Even if you decide that you do not feel you want to transition you should keep talking to a therapist that is familiar with gender disorders. I used to believe that therapy was a pseudo-medicine and since I have now been going for about 6 months I take ever word back and I think going to therapy was one of the best decisions about my health I ever made.

As to your friend that you came out to. I would write those people off if you can. If they are unwilling to accept you for you they(in my opinion) are not worth it. Friends are always replaceable...You are not..

For liking masculine things..My wife(biologically Female) Loves guns and Bows... Society has made a stigma about what are boys and girls toys...But the truth is...there is really no gender specific hobbies..Do what you love to in life... 

You talk about not passing.. You would be surprised what hormones can do..I personally never saw myself as possibly attractive. But even at 2 months of Hormones I have noted alot of changed to my body and even my face and that alone gives me hope..But as others have said. Each person is different on hormones and how they will change you depends on your genetics..

Parents can be quite difficult to deal with. Thankfully my dad was 100% supportive of me. I am unsure what your living conditions are now. But by the look of your post you are with your mom. My advice would be to try to get your own place if you can. I know the economy is rough on everyone right now and it is easier said that done. But as to your mom. This is your life to live and you need to live it to the fullest. If she cannot see that you are miserable and unhappy with your quality of life, she needs to get over it....Would she rather have a sad/depressed son or a Happy daughter?

I hope you do stay around and hope that things can get better. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything(transition or not). That decision is only able to be made by you and you alone. I had 18 years to think about it and I knew right from the start what I was doing was right and I haven't looked back yet.

Good luck and Hope to see you around =D

Got a present for you =D
You were talking about muscles..well here you go..Probably one of the more attractive Trans people I have seen and she was a VERY muscular man to start off with

OMGRANDOMTEXTTOBREAKTHELINK!!!

Edit:Think the mods are gonna kill me if I don't figure out how to add the link without the video popping up =P