Sitting atop a pile of TNT

[Jamie D]

Hi Emma! 

[EmmaMcAllister]

Hello! I know I've been a ghost recently, but, well, y'know life.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Emma,

Thanks for letting us know most things are good for you. Means to say your journey is moving forward in one way, shape or another. Good for you.

Things with my Dad are sort of at a stand still. We just let things lie after the initial convo, and our relationship has been pretty normal. I'm feeling slightly stronger and more confident, so I'll try to talk some more with him when he's back home.

You know your Dad better than we do, so I'm sure you'll do the right thing. That extra strength and confidence will help you no end. Keep developing that and those that are in your circle of influence WILL see it.

Keep up the awesome job you are doing, and be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[justmeinoz]

Hi. Good to see that things seem to be moving in the right direction even if slowly.  My mother is currently going through a period of denial, but as she is 89 I just let it slide past.  Sometimes she is better than others.  At least your father is still around, mine passed away over 30 years ago, but I don't think he would have taken it as well as yours.

Karen.

[EmmaMcAllister]

I'm completely happy that neither of my parents reacted according to my worst case scenario, but things are shaky. In the past few days, my mother has gone from, "I'll support you no matter what" to passive aggressively rubbing my nose into the fact that I'm male in casual conversation and telling me, "I'm moving too fast for her." All I've done in the past week is come out as a "generic" queer (my mother has known I'm bi for a long time) and ask her if she could shave under my arms (something that would make me feel better without being outwardly noticeable). Both of these upset her, but given that 2 weeks prior she was offering to buy me panties, I'm confused. I know this is all natural grief, but the unpredictability frustrates me.

My Dad (out of town right now) told my Mom that he feels "our lives are spinning out of control" since they found out and that he feels responsible because he worked out of town so much. I just don't know how to help either of them, and neither seem motivated/willing to talk to the PFLAG contacts I gave them.

Ugh.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Emma,

Great to see you still standing strong. (I'm sure you'll understand what I mean) You have a lot of resilience to call on.

Yes, grief is an unpredictable emotion. If you are aware of the 7 stages of grief it helps knowing where people are in that cycle, and knowing full well they can slip and slide all over it until they process what they need to process.

Parents being what they are; parents, often lock themselves into that attitude, I/we can work though this matter ourselves. We don't need outside help (Perhaps due to the shame/fear factor), so don't be surprised they don't take up your offer of assistance.

The point they really need to come to terms with ASAP is that it's not their fault. It is a well documented MEDICAL condition, as a result of many factors not limited to genetics, hormones, environment etc.

I'm pleased you feel relieved your worse case scenario didn't eventuate. That in a way can be so liberating too. I was pleasantly reminded by my therapist recently of the 'cataclysmic' attitude I presented him with, when I first started. That too didn't eventuate. I have since stopped 'crystal balling' everyones reactions. Nerve racking though.

Hang in there and over the next few weeks/months I'm sure you'll see a vast improvement. You are over the worst of it now. Just like dropping a rock into a pond. Big splash and much disturbance at first, then comes the ripples, which eventually fade away.

Look after yourself and be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Cindy]

Hi Emma,

Don't put of by the reaction, they have to learn to cope. You have known about you for a long  time and are used to it. They have just found out and have to get used to it. They will. They love you but will need to adjust.

Hugs

Cindy

[EmmaMcAllister]

A small update: My Mom has ping-ponged back to calling me "Em", and bought me a pair of knee highs that she said "screamed" me. Perhaps this isn't that big a deal, because I wear knee highs with my orthotics anyway, but she had to go to the women's section of the website to buy them. I think it was a good, small step.

My Dad has been sort of distant since he came home, but he's been sick and we generally try to minimize my exposure to viruses. Before he leaves again I'll tell him that we need to plan to have a good talk the next week he's home.

I came out to my cousin/best friend/surrogate brother the other day. It was a short conversation, and we both had to push through feelings of discomfort. In the end, he said he respects me too much and nothing will change between us.

And the biggest piece of news... I'm sure. I haven't had a day of self doubt in weeks! I still have times where I feel that transitioning will be horribly difficult, but I no longer feel like transitioning isn't for me. It is for me! I'm excited and a bit nervous at the same time.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Emma,

And the biggest piece of news... I'm sure. I haven't had a day of self doubt in weeks! I still have times where I feel that transitioning will be horribly difficult, but I no longer feel like transitioning isn't for me. It is for me! I'm excited and a bit nervous at the same time.

This is absolutely fabulous news. We've all been expecting it.    It's just the natural flow of your development. Good to see you are taking the challenge. Transition is monumental. It IS life changing. You'll do fine though.

Nice to hear about your Mum. Shock can do funny things to people. She is now starting to understand it like you did once.

Hope your Dad has a speedy recovery. I'm  sure he'll be the same soon. After all, this IS a massive piece of news to anyone. I sometimes think it's like your parents coming home tonight and telling you, we are all going to Mars tomorrow, you'd better start packing.

Keep up the mighty job you are doing.

Huggs
Catherine

[EmmaMcAllister]

Thank you so much, Catherine. *hugs* I'm so lucky to have found this forum. It's so wonderful to be able to vent & share with people who understand, even if they're on the other side of the world like you are!

[Catherine Sarah]

Thank you Emma,

I appreciate your thoughts.

I certainly couldn't do it without the absolutely wonderful family spirit, Susan has created here. This family spirit can be seen in the love and support many others here demonstrate on a daily basis. I'm sure you are aware of it and I sense it is alive and manifesting in you.


Catherine

[Cindy]

Ha, she might be on the other side of the world to you. But I have put up with Catherine over here. Geex


Who wrote that?


Devlyn was that you?

[Catherine Sarah]

Ha, she might be on the other side of the world to you. But I have put up with Catherine over here. Geex

Who wrote that?

Devlyn was that you?

Who wrote WHAT!!??

What's Devlyn done now??

DAMN, my braille reader is playing up again. What's going on??

[EmmaMcAllister]

Hi girls,

I know I haven't been too active lately. I started back at school in September and that has been keeping me busy. I do a lot of lurking though! I thought I should offer a quick update on how things are going for me.

Everyone I need to deal with on a day to day basis (that is my family and personal support workers) knows that I'm trans. Except for my niece, who's still in our custody. I'm putting her off until I get closer to presenting as a female. Things with my mother are generally good, and I think she's getting accustomed to the idea. My dad and I still don't really discuss it, I think he'll ignore the issue until he can't anymore. The last of my PSWs that I came out to said the nicest and most reaffirming thing to me:

"You don't just have a right to be happy, you have a responsibility to do what it takes to be happy."

That really put things into perspective for me. So, tomorrow I have a consultation to start laser hair removal on my face. Woo, this is starting to get real! The day after, I have an appointment with a dietician to help get me up to a healthier weight (I've already gained some weight through my own efforts). And finally, I have an appointment with my doctor on the 28th where I'll try to get a referral to an endo. I'm a little concerned he'll refer me to CAMH, but hopefully the fact that I'm already in therapy will dissuade him from doing that.

I had a bit of an emotional cave in a month ago, where I almost allowed the monumental pressure of transitioning to push me back into hiding. But I'm better now and happy to be back on track.

[Catherine Sarah]

Congratulations Emma,

You are doing an awesome job, staying on track. There is a BIG difference between talking about something and actually doing it. As you no doubt have found.

Wish you well in all your upcoming appointments. Love the bit about you having a responsibility for your happiness. That's awesome.

And don't leave it so long between cups of tea, you hear?

Huggs
Catherine