so confused.

[Vinrai]

Alright, so I believe myself to be a FtM person, but I have lots of problems in being a transgender individual that I don't know what to do anymore. As a last step, I decided to ask here. I'm nearly an adult and live in the UK, I have a very unsupportive family. I'm going to talk about sex, as I've no idea where else to post this, I hope it's allowed. If not, just tell me/delete this.

I won't be able to start T for a while (until I'm at least 18 and somewhere out by myself, probably), and I'm looking forward to voice changes, body fat redistribution, all that. However, there's one thing that always had and has me worried; sex. I'm still a virgin (sort of, lol, let's not go there tho'), but my libido was always sky-rocket high. I'm mostly attracted to women. This is where the problem lies; I don't feel like I'll ever be able to really please a woman (or a man) without the proper equipment. I absolutely despise the idea of me in a position where I'm the one "taking" it, so to speak, and I never, ever want to do it this way (butt included). Just no. I really hate my genitals and I don't want to look at them. I don't feel comfortable even thinking about someone else seeing/doing anything to me down there. ew.

However... You know when an FtM takes T, well their clitoris grows in size to resemble a small penis, yes? Now I'm not trying to be rude or insulting, just being honest here; after some photo-based research... I find it rather repulsive, too. Like, I wouldn't feel aroused if I was to have sex with an FtM personally; so I can't think of why anyone else would be, either. And even if someone is OK with it, I still wouldn't feel comfortable because as much as a glance down there and it's a turn-off for me! v__v

I know there are other methods to please someone, and I know there are strap-ons and whatever you may. But if I use a strap-on, how will I ever feel the pleasure? Should I just be a giver? I don't think I have any other options tbh because I will never be able to afford bottom surgery, I'm just curious though, did/does anyone else feel this way? Did it go away? If not, how did/are you dealing with it? I'm at the point where I'd just rather not take T and be a "woman" for the rest of my life just so I don't have to go through this humiliation. Though that would be humiliating, too.. aghghghgh whyyyyy.

Edited for age

[Jamie D]

Hi, Vinrai.  Glad to have you here.  Please consider posting a bio on our "Introductions" board.

I edited your post for age, in conformity to the site's Terms of Service and Rules to Live By.  We do that to help protect our members who are minors.

Although this post might get more views on the FtM talk board, I'm gong to leave it here for the time being.

Welcome!

[suzifrommd]

I know there are other methods to please someone, and I know there are strap-ons and whatever you may. But if I use a strap-on, how will I ever feel the pleasure? Should I just be a giver? I

I'm not FtM (male-bodied, attracted to women actually) but I'm posting here to say there are lots of ways of pleasing a woman without using your male equipment (which doesn't always work on demand even when you have it).

I'm not a fan of toys. There are a lot of things I've found I can do with a hand, and it would probably be a lot easier for you than for me, since you know what female parts feel like from the inside (though are not too happy about that fact).

For me, pleasure in making love to a woman comes from watching her enjoy it however I'm able to bring her to enjoyment. A lot of people will tell you that sexual arousal, stimulation and satisfaction comes from the mind and not the genitals. When you find someone with whom you can share souls, you'll both figure out what works for you.

I hope this helps, Vinrai. I'm sure your life will be filled with great experiences with women.

[aleon515]

Well I wonder, I think you need to think a LONG time (and I guess you have it) to committing to a change that you would personally find "repulsive" as it is what you would look like. No good changing one set of dysphorias with another. BTW, your description roughly describes what happens.

I am not much of one to give you advice on sexuality, given I am asexual. But where there are two people with brains and imagination (and drive), they will find a way. From what I understand actually AG gives good advice here.

BTW, you likely will not change WHO you are attracted to. If you like girls now, you will like girls after you take T. You orientation changes with who you are. But who you actually are attracted to will not. (There are some cases where people do change. Perhaps they just feel more comfortable.)

--Jay Jay