Looking for advice

[turnLeft]

Hi everyone,
I'm a 19 year old male currently in university studying engineering and I'm looking for some advice and experience with gender identification and gender transitions.
I can't quite say I've 'been a girl in a boy's body since birth', I was raised as a boy, I behaved very much like a boy as a child but at around the age of 9 or 10, I started feeling somewhat uncomfortable as myself. At first glance, it was possibly simply early puberty hitting, but as I got a bit older, but later on, I started to recognize something a bit deeper.
I can't help but feel envious of girls around me for how easily they can subscribe to certain societal values and frames of mind with more freedom than men. I feel like as a girl, I could feel more pride in my existence and more comfortable with my thoughts.
I often feel like I don't identify with other young men my age. I don't particularly enjoy being with them, I don't subscribe to their values, I have a hard time identifying with most of them. As such, I feel like my relationships with most people have no meaning and that I probably wouldn't have them if I weren't so desperate for a sense of social accomplishment.
I can't say I'm that miserable, but I also feel like I'm just coasting through an uncomfortable life.
To be seen as a girl, to be treated as a girl, to be free of the world of men. I feel like that would be a happier life for me.
How did some of the people here make their decision to make the transition? Do you think that a similar change of course in life would help me or do you think I should be looking into other methods of becoming comfortable with myself and my place in the world?
I'm planning on seeing a therapist when I get back to school, but right now, I'm a tad curious about whether others have experienced the same anxieties before. Most of all, I really don't want to start a decision I'm going to regret, but likewise I don't want to continue on with these feelings buried. I really want to be sure of what I want before I say anything to my parents or sister.
Thanks for your time.

[V M]

Hi turnLeft 

Welcome to Susan's     I can totally relate to many of the feelings you have expressed, glad to have you here

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Hugs

V M

[Jamie D]

Hello turnLeft.  Welcome from southern California.

I suggest you begin to work out your feeling about gender with a "gender therapist" = a therpist who is trained in GLBT issues.

Though some transgendered person recognized gender incongruities early, some don't until the onset of puberty (like me), or even later in life.

Keep reading the site and you will find many stories like yours.

[justmeinoz]

Welcome and hello from a very frozen Tasmania.
With hindsight I can see all the signs from early childhood, but they didn't become visible until about 3 years ago at 55 years of age.  Everyone has a slightly different tale to tell, although the underlying path is much the same.  You are among family now.

Karen.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi turnleft,

Another,still frozen Aussie welcome to Susan's family. Poor dear Karen is some 1,000 km closer to the Antarctic than me, so it may be a while before she thaws out completely.

Nothing appears to be unusual in how you see your life and development to date. It's a very common experience than would appear, as to a degree, some men don't know how to handle such thoughts and feelings and in the face of ridicule and shame, choose denial as an alternative. With its obvious complications.

I'm planning on seeing a therapist when I get back to school, ........   Most of all, I really don't want to start a decision I'm going to regret, but likewise I don't want to continue on with these feelings buried. I really want to be sure of what I want before I say anything to my parents or sister.

And that is the wisest decision you have made to date. A therapist who understands transgender issues, will ensure you don't start something you'll regret. You are so wise in choosing to avoid denial. The enormous, life destroying repercussions it entails is not worth thinking about. And be sure you know where you are going before mentioning this to anyone in your life (except your therapist of course)

I look forward to hearing more of your successes as time goes by, so keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Devlyn]

Hi turnLeft, nice to meet you! I live near Boston. You'll meet a lot of new friends here, I promise! See you around, hugs, Devlyn