Hey Josie,
Firstly, don't encourage anything negative towards yourself. You're an individual that needs support and care. We are here to give you as much support as we can so you too can feel liberated. It's not easy living in a world as a male and now with family, when you're really a female, but believe me, it will get easier. Try talking to someone maybe a gender therapist, someone that is going to be help you out.
Take care,
G