I'm a large woman

[Beth Andrea]

Some friends and I went to Seattle this past weekend, and we got some pictures...this one is of me next to a woman who was performing as a statue:



But, this picture kinda bothers me...it's a good one, etc but (in my mind at least) I'm not this BIG.

I guess I'm a big woman. Either that, or the statue-lady is tiny. (She was, but still...)

Anyone else have "that moment" when you realized you won't be a tiny, delicate woman? Any insight on how to overcome the feeling? Or should we just embrace it and run with the wind?

[Beth Andrea]

I recently watched a YT video... ...about how to make "hips" using dense foam, like what one would find at a crafts store.

(Yeah, I know...it's not like I'm not big enough, now I'm adding hips! LOL)

I've tried to cut foam with a razor blade, but in the video she says an electric knife is better...I was able to find one in a thrift store for $3.99 and it was WELL worth it...

I tried them on this morning with a full-length set of nylons...and OMG I feel the same way I did when I first tried on breast forms...THIS IS ME!! It's like I can't take them off...(and no, it's not because the nylons are tight LOL) The skirt fits much better, flows "billow-y" when I walk (before it "flowed" the same way it might when on a hanger)

So, a second question:  Does anyone use these kinds of things?

[crazy old bat]

The only padding I have anywhere is my bra and only because I am like an A cup if that. I was lucky, I have a decent enough shape.  If I recall correctly, you haven't been on hormones that long, so there will still be some changes in your shape that will help. Nothing wrong with a larger woman, plenty of them around. And use whatever padding and foundation garments that help to fill out your shape too, that's why the shaper industry is doing so well, lots women with similar issues.

And I look huge next to my little sister, but I'm over it because she can't find as many good clothes as I can due to her tinyness, lol.

[Jude]

hope im not intruding here, but i'd just like to say that there's nothing wrong with being a larger woman. i know plenty of ladies that are tall and broad and we lovingly refer to them as "amazon women" lol. so when you're feeling down about not being a small lady, remember that you're a beautiful, powerful, amazon woman

[Beth Andrea]

Well, thank you! 

Ever since I started transitioning, I've hated mirrors. Without them (and without photos) I'm free to have a self-image of whatever sort I want.

But, mirrors and pictures don't lie. I just have to learn to accept myself for me, and get away from the internal image of "women should be small and dainty."

(My ex- is also a big woman, she's bigger than me (taller and a bit wider at the hips; but very well proportioned) She also had self-esteem issues about her size (most of her pictures show her crouching to fit in with other women...I told her she looks better standing up straight, and let the others be wherever they are.)

So yeah, we have similar problems. But overall...I don't think I'm half bad looking.   

[Beth Andrea]

The only padding I have anywhere is my bra and only because I am like an A cup if that. I was lucky, I have a decent enough shape.  If I recall correctly, you haven't been on hormones that long, so there will still be some changes in your shape that will help. Nothing wrong with a larger woman, plenty of them around. And use whatever padding and foundation garments that help to fill out your shape too, that's why the shaper industry is doing so well, lots women with similar issues.

And I look huge next to my little sister, but I'm over it because she can't find as many good clothes as I can due to her tinyness, lol.

If I face a body-mirror, and use my hands to push my "love handle" area to the front (just to see what the sides look like without excessive blub) I actually have a moderately nice figure.

I've already lost 15 lbs, just another 30 to go...it will happen. 

[Floritine]

Anyone else have "that moment" when you realized you won't be a tiny, delicate woman? Any insight on how to overcome the feeling? Or should we just embrace it and run with the wind?

I realised ages a go I wouldn't be the skinny chick for ever and a little weight was good to hide my boyish body frame, so just embrace who you are and your body,

Losing weight might be the answer others say for all a variety of reasons including health, but there is nothing wrong with be a "fat chick" me included, we have just as much fun as the skinny things that need a feed

I have never used hip pads and never will but have you thought about a puffy Petticoats similar to this as a alternative and more comfortable for daily wear?? 

Cheers Tracy

[Beth Andrea]

I always thought petticoats were like a slip...is that what their function is, to create more volume in the hips?

[Hikari]

I think a great many of us suffer from poor self image. Long ago I declared that I wasn't fat anymore, I guess that is true, but why do i still feel so fat? I think my height is okay, maybe my feet and nose are a bit too large, but I can't shake the feeling that i am really fat.

I think the only thing that makes me feel any better is validation from others telling me i am not, but why cant i believe it when i tell myself that. i have to admit I still feel like i could lose 40lbs but my wife thinks statements like that are insane.

So lots of us have body image problems, you dont look so big to me, but I am not sure what to say to help people overcome these feelings as i am plauged with them myself.

[Beth Andrea]

I think a great many of us suffer from poor self image. Long ago I declared that I wasn't fat anymore, I guess that is true, but why do i still feel so fat? I think my height is okay, maybe my feet and nose are a bit too large, but I can't shake the feeling that i am really fat.

I think the only thing that makes me feel any better is validation from others telling me i am not, but why cant i believe it when i tell myself that. i have to admit I still feel like i could lose 40lbs but my wife thinks statements like that are insane.

So lots of us have body image problems, you dont look so big to me, but I am not sure what to say to help people overcome these feelings as i am plauged with them myself.

Both of those are true statements...one, that we need external validation, because we are our own worst critics, and that it's too easy to have a..."heavy"...self-image.

I try to believe the scale. It says I'm 235lbs, so I'm 235. My goal is "under 200" (190 if an exact number is wanted) but as I get closer I'm going to slow down the "I'm fat-eat less" thinking and start up the "I need more cardio" thinking.

I think that, generally, the vast majority of MTFs are going to have a relatively large body shape and few will genuinely be able to call themselves "small and delicate." I transitioned at a (relatively) early age, I watch what I eat, and I frequently exercise. Despite this mild "obsession" with my body, im still not going to be able to compensate for the "damage" that exposure to testosterone has caused. I currently fit well in a size 4 (US) dress, for example, BUT ill NEVER be able to fit in a 0 no matter if I even starved myself for a month!
Im actually pretty small by any standard, and dare I say other girls even envy my body figure? The point is, I know that I have limitations, and although people will always tell me I look good, ill only ever look at myself in the mirror and see the negatives. Rationality kicks in eventually, however, and I realize that it is normal for people to always "want more" and "want better" but its all about how you deal with yourself. I think you look good OP, and all women (Black, White, chinese, MTF etc.) all have body image issues anyways. (You can thank our patriarchal, misogynistic society for that one hon!)

The first statement is very true, but only because of our damnable XY combination...but, life is too short to have "if only..." thoughts.

The second...But, but, I *want* to be small and delicate! LOL 

And thank you for the kind words. I must take them to heart. 

[Hikari]

I think this thread has been insightful, but looking at what Beth wrote, about the specific pounds made me realize something. It isnt pleasant but if i don't change how I think, I am likely to be an eating disorder waiting to happen. See I used to weigh like 250 and i used to think the exact same thing "let me get back under 200".

Of course I did, and then I thought I can reach 175 and recently I have been really wanting to be under 150.... But it occured to me just now where should I stop? Will I be happy at some arbitrary number? I mean that number can always get lower, how little is enough for me to be happy? I dont think I can answer that question.

I wonder if there is a way to break that cycle of thinking, I mean i know i would never be a 0 (bones would get in the way if nothing else) but, I think i haven't accepted that i never will be.

This has given me a great deal to think about.

[Beth Andrea]

I think this thread has been insightful, but looking at what Beth wrote, about the specific pounds made me realize something. It isnt pleasant but if i don't change how I think, I am likely to be an eating disorder waiting to happen. See I used to weigh like 250 and i used to think the exact same thing "let me get back under 200".

Of course I did, and then I thought I can reach 175 and recently I have been really wanting to be under 150.... But it occured to me just now where should I stop? Will I be happy at some arbitrary number? I mean that number can always get lower, how little is enough for me to be happy? I dont think I can answer that question.

I wonder if there is a way to break that cycle of thinking, I mean i know i would never be a 0 (bones would get in the way if nothing else) but, I think i haven't accepted that i never will be.

This has given me a great deal to think about.

Oh yes, an eating disorder is a too-real possibility, especially as one heads towards an "ideal" weight...that's why I'm trusting the scale and not my self-image. And "my" ideal weight is from that point in my life when I was happiest with my body--just after I went in the military...I went in at 175, got to my first duty base and within a month I was 195, and stayed that way for the next 3-4 years.

So, 195 is my goal, and I know 175 is kinda thin for me.

Certainly we do have to be careful about eating disorders...especially if one is dealing with depression issues to begin with.

[Miki]

I, too, am a large woman.  Can really relate to this thread.

I've accepted the truth that, until someone invents a shrink ray, my stature is always going to be amazonian.  It bums me out every now and again, mostly when I struggle with clothing, but not to a degree that is unhealthy or damaging, or that could possible dissuade me from what I need to do on this path.

I'm not fat, and come in at 270 at the moment.  At 6'5, I have a lot of frame to have that spread over, and luckily for me a lot of that is leg.  My goal is more honest to goodness curves, but the one thing I am really focused on the most is maintaining a sense of realistic proportion.  I'm not sure that is in the cards without surgical assistance, but we'll see.   Proportion really matters to me.


I recently quit smoking in anticipation of beginning hrt, and have been really surprised that I haven't blown up like a balloon.  That's happened to me every other time I have tried to quit.  I'd like to drop 20 or so, but am not going to agonize over it.  I'm asking my body to go through a lot of changes in a relatively short period of time, and I kind of want to reach and maintain an even keel a bit before starting any hard core exercise regime.

Am optimistic, though.  Just going to take some dedicated effort.

-Miki

[crazy old bat]

Heck, all y'all worried about losing weight, I have to worry about keeping it and even gaining it. I finally gained a few pounds the last few weeks and it made me real happy, but its tough to keep it as I have to eat whether I'm hungry or not.

[Beth Andrea]

Heck, all y'all worried about losing weight, I have to worry about keeping it and even gaining it. I finally gained a few pounds the last few weeks and it made me real happy, but its tough to keep it as I have to eat whether I'm hungry or not.

Oh shut up!   

This is a thread hawser for Amazons...

[crazy old bat]

Fine!  Whatever.

*goes to put a frozen pizza in the oven*

[Beth Andrea]

Fine!  Whatever.

*goes to put a frozen pizza in the oven*

Be sure to doctor that thing up...couple cups of cheese, olives, as much pepperoni and sausage as you can stand...frozen pizzas can be made to taste real good with about $8 worth of extra toppings; just throw out the cardboard thin crust underneath the tomato sauce after cooking... 

[Alainaluvsu]

Be sure to doctor that thing up...couple cups of cheese, olives, as much pepperoni and sausage as you can stand...frozen pizzas can be made to taste real good with about $8 worth of extra toppings; just throw out the cardboard thin crust underneath the tomato sauce after cooking... 

Somebody is going thru puberty... or on pot!

[crazy old bat]

Be sure to doctor that thing up...couple cups of cheese, olives, as much pepperoni and sausage as you can stand...frozen pizzas can be made to taste real good with about $8 worth of extra toppings; just throw out the cardboard thin crust underneath the tomato sauce after cooking... 

Its a pretty good one as is and after eating it, I should have some room for the rest of the cherry garcia ice cream I have.

[Beth Andrea]

Somebody is going thru puberty... or on pot!

Why yes....yes I am.  But I learned the doctoring trick from my ex. She could cook up a mean frozen pizza, easily equal to Pizza Hut in terms of cost:benefit ratios. (Of course, I preferred PH stuffed crust, but that could be why my weight is what it is LOL)