@ Shannon - My endo is male and my therapist is male as well. Personally, I don't think it matters what gender they are...as long as they are professional.
@ serenarheaume - Thanx for your kind words! I remember my first therapy appointment like it was yesterday. When I scheduled the original appointment, I was never asked what my issues were. So during the first visit, he still had no idea why I was there. We went over family history and got all the medical stuff out of the way and it took most of the session. Meanwhile inside, I am simply beside myself having to tell someone I never met that I was transgender. In the last 5 minutes of our session, we get around to the reason I was there...it felt SO good to get it out! As I walked out the door, there was so much more I wanted to say but I had to wait a week! LOL! I hope your session goes well and if you don't get to talk much about your issue on day one, don't worry....you will!!
@ Just Shelly - Thank you sooooo much for sharing your story!! I will admit that right now, I hate being "stuck in the middle." This past weekend, my wife and I worked at a bake stand at a local church fair. I was selling balloons to kids and there was a line of kids and parents waiting. The mis-gendering was like a roller coaster! One woman with her little daughter said "no, this lady will blow that up for you." While the next dad in line with his kid said "give the man your quarters." The next mom in line tells her kid "She wants you to pick your balloon. " "Give her your money sweetie." "Tell him what you want." "Hurry up, she has other people to wait on!" "Don't put your mouth on that balloon or that man will get angry!" " Tell the lady what you want."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! It was like that ALL weekend! And as soon as I am gendered, I find myself trying to portray that gender as to not cause confusion. All the while hoping the people before them were no longer in ear shot in case they thought I was the opposite! It's my own fault really. I chose to look and dress the way I did. On the second day, I dressed more towards the male side yet the pronouns continued to bounce back and forth. It really is annoying as hell and yes, I'd love to just be gendered female and move on with life...BUT I'm not there yet. You are right, one of two things are going to happen. I will either hit a breaking point and throw in the towel and accept my fate as a male OR hormones will alter my appearance to the point where I'll be 98% gendered female by the public and questioned by those who know me well.
I also know passing isn't all there is to it. I present as a female no matter what mode I'm in. I carry myself as a female, I sit as a female, I smile a lot, I've become far more socialable and this is all just a result of me allowing myself to act the way I want to act. I carry a pink cell phone and always coordinate my sneakers to what I'm wearing and damn it, I LOVE IT! But what I also love is my new job! And this kind of thing in a school district is really hard! I've Googled and read about TG teachers that once out, caused all kinds of ruckus in the schools. Students need to be educated about it. Parents voice concerns over it. School boards hold meetings about it...I don't want to be THAT person that causes it!! I'm very sorry to hear about the hardship with your kids. We don't have any of our own so starting a new life would honestly be the easiest thing I could do but I don't want to. I really don't know what I'm going to say to my endo this Thursday about transitioning. I want to start so badly and I know it can be hidden for awhile but I fear that if I respond positively to the treatment, the mis-gendering will get worse in the district by people I haven't met or worked with yet...I badly want to be seen and treated as a female. This stage of the game truly does suck!!
I know everyone's milage varies with hormones and the older you are, the less changes occur. Yet what has happened to me in the last 12 months is nothing I would have EVER thought possible! I've struggled a lot with always seeing my male self in the mirror no matter what but that changed just this month. At night when I am out of the shower and finish blow drying my hair, I put on my PJs and just stand at the full length mirror in the bedroom. I no longer resemble myself and I can physically see the new identity replacing the old one. This is the first month that I have accepted the fact I am actually becoming Sarah. Therefore hormones may very well lock in my new identity before I'm ready for it. People at the fair that I had not seen in a long time, did not know me. In fact, to be recognized as myself, I need to pull my hair back. If it's down, it's almost impossible to recognize me. In my profile photo, it was a little below chin length. When I got it cut last time, I had it layered so it would have more volume and it was cut to accommodate the side part. It's not a hairstyle any man (even with long hair) would sport. I took a risk by doing it but I've worn it pulled back ever since when I'm out in guy mode. So I don't see it down except for bedtime and it's length has now moved onto my shoulders...I have never felt hair touch my shoulders! Hair alters one's appearance dramtaically.
I know I've rambled on a bit here but I have come to realise that it's really happening. What I had fantasized about in my mind for like 30+ years, is starting to become a reality. The hours I've stood in the mirror wishing a girl would look back at me....I just don't know what to say about that. NO, I'm not turning into this idealistic "perfect" Barbie woman with long blond hair, blue eyes, perfect figure etc...I'm turning into this "average, everyday, run of the mill, middle aged" woman you'd see getting groceries or out walking her dog. A woman you would never glance at twice except to smile and nod a friendly hello as you pass her on the sidewalk. Those were my dreams. Simple...statefull....and always unobtainable. So to watch yourself slowly become that which you've always imagined, is simply pure bliss! ^_^
