"Disturbed"

[Kristopher]

So today I finally got the guts to tell my mother I am taking the first steps in being able to start taking testosterone and the first thing she said was "(insert birth name) this disturbs me, deeply." I mean I can understand her not understanding and everything, I mean I don't expect anyone to ever accept or understand me and they don't have to because it's their choice, but to be told by my own mother that i disturb her just really strung a wrong cord with me. However, I know it could have gone a lot of worse....but still. Just venting from a shaken up head.

[Jayr]

Don't worry, what she said was actually pretty good compared to other stuff I've heard.
If that's all she said, I'm sure that means she's not to bad and will come around too it eventually.

My mom was disturbed and confused at first too but now she's more than fine with the whole thing.
Just give her time to adjust and answer any questions she might have.

(:

[Kristopher]

Thanks for the positivity Jayr, and you're right it could have been a million times worse. At least I've over 18 and I can take the steps I need to without her "approval". Seems kind of childish, but no matter your age or situation all children crave that acceptance from their parents.

At least it's better than the complete ignoring I got from my dad.

[Jayr]

You're luck being 18, and you're right do what you have to do for yourself,
and she'll learn to accept everything at her own pace as well.
From what you've said I'm sure she'll come around, just be patient

I'd say don't keep her in the dark with your transition.
If you're going to the therapist, or the doctor just tell her real fast.
That way she'll be transitioning with you and that helps.

I tell my parents everything regarding my transition; they know all my appointments, my future goals, all that.
This way there's no surprises and they feel included in my journey.

And about your dad,
A lot of the time, if one parent accept their child being trans,
the other will slowly follow. So don't lose hope in your dad.

Everything should be fine!

[justmeinoz]

Now that you have come out to her, there is the hope that she can gain an understanding of what it is like to be disturbed by the transphobia that is prevalent throughout society.  It might be a good move to tell her that you love her even if she doesn't get it right now.

Karen.  TS parent of TS child.

[fooledthecrowd]

Give her some time. I know that's not the answer you probably want to hear, but having patience with people when coming out (especially parents) helps a lot. Your parents have always thought of you one way. It's going to take a while for them to change the way they think about you. If you get angry and offended every time they say something, that's going to push them even further from understanding. If you remain calm and try to educate them, your message and your plans for transitioning will be communicated a lot clearer and they'll respect everything, more. That has been my experience with parents and coming out, anyway. Be patient, be helpful in any way that you can to help them understand, and give it some time. They'll get there, eventually.

[Josh]

my mom said similar things, its def not a horrible reaction, she is prob just shook em up/scared/hurt that her lil "girl" will officially be a boy/man (not that you arent already but i mean the way she sees it is prob that youre becoming a dude)

[Kristopher]

Thanks for all the advice everyone! Coming out to my parents is something I have been planning for a long time and I can definitely say that in reality it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. My parents are divorced and I guess that worked in my favor because I didn't have to come out to them both at the same time..I think that would have been somewhat overwhelming for me.  I understand it will take some time and I don't expect anything to happen overnight, just gotta take it one day at a time and hope for the best.

Now that you have come out to her, there is the hope that she can gain an understanding of what it is like to be disturbed by the transphobia that is prevalent throughout society.  It might be a good move to tell her that you love her even if she doesn't get it right now.

Karen.  TS parent of TS child.

TS parent of TS child. What was it like being trans and having your child come out to you. If that is too personal of a question then I apologize, just really sparked my interest.

[Natkat]

So today I finally got the guts to tell my mother I am taking the first steps in being able to start taking testosterone and the first thing she said was "(insert birth name) this disturbs me, deeply." I mean I can understand her not understanding and everything, I mean I don't expect anyone to ever accept or understand me and they don't have to because it's their choice, but to be told by my own mother that i disturb her just really strung a wrong cord with me. However, I know it could have gone a lot of worse....but still. Just venting from a shaken up head.

Dont worry to much,

My mom also talked bad about T saying something like.. "it'll make you sick all miserable"
but after I got on T and was my own provement for the fact it only had turned better, she saw that she wasn't right, and haven't bothered me about it now.

Somethimes people are just scared of the unknowned and the effects.

[justmeinoz]

TS parent of TS child. What was it like being trans and having your child come out to you. If that is too personal of a question then I apologize, just really sparked my interest.

Actually it was the other way round timewise.
Seeing my son transition, and the way he related to his grandmother in the last few weeks of her life gave me the impetus to live an authentic life while I still had the chance.  That is what makes our present situation frustrating.
I stood by him all the way through, unlike my ex who couldn't cope at all. Up until I went full time he could ignore it, but after that it apparently raised a lot of internalised issues.  I have no problem airing family issues here, mine are a lot less drastic than some other's.  I can only hope he adjusts eventually.

Karen.

[Robert Scott]

I too have a trangender son ... and like Karen -- he started his transition first and it helped me start my journey