Atypical dysphoria?

[Joann]

I don't have the typical dysphoria that most people have.
"I hate my body. It's wrong. I shouldn't (or should) have things sticking out of me."
But I had total anxiety about people seeing my genitals when I was very young up till my mid 20's
I would rather throw a tantrum rather than going in the locker room with all those people. It caused me to make a major life decideion and I still can't pee if someone can see me.
Also I hate man ego. I call it man ego rather than male is I think ego is mostly programming we receive as how we are to behave in our little part of the world. A male plant or lizard doesn't have a ego (unless it sells auto insurance ).
Arrogance, competiveness, jock sports, womanizing (I go ape if I see a woman being abused) lack of compassion, ill-fitting cloths, coarse humor, body hair (I think Tom Seleck should shave) obesity. (I'm 25 lbs overweight and it bothers me all day).
Ok... I know there some good quality's too but I loathe the afore mentioned. I hate myself when one pops up in me to the point I can't sleep and it persists for days.
Disphoria or something else?

[Edge]

I would just like to point out that abuse is not caused by egos. It is caused by insecurity in a pansy too weak and cowardly to make themselves stronger. Also, those qualities are ones I've seen equally or more in females.
Darn typos.

[Kelly J. P.]

 I think anxiety about others seeing one's own genitals is a very understandable and extremely common/normal issue. I went into the locker rooms a few times in school, but I quickly switched to changing in the washroom stalls where I wouldn't be disturbed. It wasn't so much my genitals as my whole self, though - I hated to be revealed in front of the guys. I would probably react the same among females.

The man-ego hatred is also common, and though I'm sure it's only a minority of men that dislike that quality that many of them have, I'm certain that there are men that see the ego as a real issue. There are sensitive men, nice men, and such. Many men dislike the issues about men that you raise.

So, on those points, I can't say that your issues are dysphoria. It's not specific to people of trans experience, at least. What would be dysphoria is if you were one of those things, and instead of hating yourself for having those sorts of qualities because they are undesirable and contemptible, you would hate it because you feel it associates you with being male.

If you don't find that you have much dysphoria, then you could count yourself as blessed. It certainly makes the journey easier, especially when you learn that being trans does not necessarily cause dysphoria - it's very common, but like everything else, it isn't a certainty.

For what it's worth, I believe the male ego is a product of nature and nurture, to cite the usual cliché. A lot of it is learned from television, or from peers, but a not-insignificant amount of it is certainly natural, as it's hard to say that such a thing would exist in the first place if there wasn't a nature to it. Everything arises from something else, and I would say that male dominance, aggression, and the rites related, are the root cause of that ego. And from there, it evolved over time parallel to society.

Hope that helps in some way.

Also, it's strange that those qualities are ones I've seen in equally or more in females.

Competition is the basis of the development of life. While the male ego is a distinct and unique trait set, it is certainly expected that females be aggressive, and brutal at times. It is the spirit of the world. 

[Adam (birkin)]

As someone who is transitioning to male I can say that if being a man absolutely required me to be those negative things you'd describe, I'd probably rather stay female. But it doesn't. I do believe that men can be good and don't have to possess an ego or do harmful things to other people.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

The term "pansy" can be seen as offensive to some.

Let's be careful and make such such terms are not directed at an member.

[V M]

The term "pansy" can be seen as offensive to some.

Let's be careful and make such such terms are not directed at an member.

But pansies are such pretty flowers     You can call me a pansy, I'll take it as a compliment 

[Edge]

The term "pansy" can be seen as offensive to some.

Let's be careful and make such such terms are not directed at an member.

Uh... It wasn't directed at a member. It was directed at abusers. While I was not insinuating anything about members here, rest assured that if I were to come across an abuser here, I would report them to the mods as per the rules.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

I would definitely agree that abusers use cowardice to excrete power over another.

I just want to make sure no one took offensive with your comment, Edge.

[Joann]

Thanks to all for the feed back.
I seem to be hyper analyzing everything these days.
Sadly, i can identafiy with someone who has been will no longer be abused. Abusers can be very subtle, not even realizing they are controlling/abusing as well as their victims, Like me for 15 years.