Do you feel your social life has improved or deteriorated after transitioning?

[Apples]

I'm going to be quite sincere with this one: My biggest fear in life is being alone. During my entire life it's been like that (partly my fault, partly being socially kicked one after another). I though I could like living as a hermit, accept that dying alone was not that bad and just spend my remaining time on "single player" hobbies. Real truth: I can't do that anymore. The reason for going to therapy (not GID therapy) was to overcome my difficulties for making new friendships, lose my fear to enter into romantic relationships, and develop social skills / destroy my extreme shyness.


But reading Jillieann Rose's last thread has bring light to one of the aspects I was not thinking about. How will I endure this? I'm not completely old, neither young. I'm not the kind of person that can enter a pub and start talking with the first person he sees... I only have two friends, and transitioning means the risk of losing them. The last time I ended in "you have zero friends" mode the result was depression. I know that I can't live alone without going crazy, and I need to have somebody in my life. Having friends and being part of a social unit weights more on my scale than transitioning. If this can cripple my life even more, I may not have enough strength to do it.


As the topic says, how was it for you ? Was your life the same as before, it went worse, or better? I feel that I can't do this on my own, I need people I can rely on. Being a lone wolf is not for me.

[MariaMx]

I really see no reason why you shouldn't be able to have friends. During transition I lost some and I gained some friends. After transition I would have to say I mostly enjoyed myself more in the company of other than before, but like you I'm neither the kind of person to just chat people up in a pub or something.

I used to worry about the same the years prior to coming out. One of the main things that kept me from doing anything was that I just couldn't picture myself transitioning without hanging my head in shame and embarrassment for the rest of my life. I just couldn't imagine how it would be possible to do this and still look my friends and family in the eyes. As it turned out I was completely wrong, and though I had my moments of embarrassment and feeling uncomfortable, everything worked out great. As it turned out I was a better person after than before and people generally like me better now. Life is a 1000x better now than before.

I was afraid I was going to remain single for the rest of my life but I accepted that it might turn out that way. Before coming out I had tried to find some middle ground and tried to find a man that I could have some secret relationship with. In the back of my mind I thought that maybe if I could find someone to love me I could perhaps let all the rest go, because I was sure I would lose it all if I transitioned. It didn't work out though because I soon discovered the ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- and what they were all about. During and after transition things started to change a bit, and as I grew into my new role and figured guys out things turned more into what regular girls seemed to experience. Eventually I met a guy that I ended up marrying and we've been together for 7 years now. Finding love is not impossible. You just need to have some faith and figure yourself out.

[Beth Andrea]

I though I could like like an hermit, accept that dying alone was not that bad and just spend my remaining time on "single player" hobbies. Real truth: I can't do that anymore. The reason for going to therapy (not GID therapy) was to overcome my difficulties for making new friendships, lose my fear to enter into romantic relationships, and develop social skills / destroy my extreme shyness.

Oh yeah, this was me. I'd gotten married, had kids, etc. but over time my ex and I got further and further apart...my transitioning/HRT killed "us" off (in her eyes, for me what killed it was different reasons).

As we were going through that process, I noticed I had no friends...NONE. Went into therapy (before HRT) and learned several very interesting things about myself that were a part of why I had no friends (so, yeah, sometimes there are reasons one won't/can't have friends, even if no one can see those reasons).

But, as I transitioned, the "real me" came out, and suddenly I had friends! Seriously, early in transition I'd be "male" one day and I'd be invisible...the next day I'd be "female" and everyone said hi, smiled, acknowledged me, asked me to go to lunch, etc. I mean, I'm not a bubbly gabby type of girl, but if I do my part--smile, say hi, show an interest in them--people's eyes light up. (When I was a guy, their eyes were always like, "why is this person talking to me? and they were quick to get away).

So, it's not hopeless (I haven't read Jillieann Rose's thread)...but you do have to accept yourself, and the possibility that you will be without friends sometimes in your life, and as long as you have yourself, more friends will present themselves.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Apples,

Good to see your journey has started in earnest.

I certainly believe you will have no problems at all, once you start coming out of yourself more.

It's a magic transition when you become so honest with yourself, and start accepting yourself for who you really are. Once the facade and mask are removed, others begin to see the magnificent, YOU. And this is not 'tripe' I speak of. This is what actually happens, usually as a result of having a good therapist on board.

In answer to your question; it is without absolute doubt my social life has not only gone to a new level, it's actually entered a new dimension.

Improved would be a gross understatement.

I'm so open and accepting. I'll talk the leg off an iron pot. My confidence and self esteem has never been this high in all my life.

The day I left denial, depression and mediocrity behind, was basically the first day of my life. What preceded that, was 'existence.'

Today, I, Catherine lead a life my alter-ego (boy mode) could never have envisaged. In fact he secretly admired people who could attract, and be in such dynamic relationships.

This is available to you, and I believe you have the tenacity to get it and the persistence to achieve it.

I'm completely at ease going into any group of people and immediately engaging with as many as I can find. This is not restricted to the TG community alone.

I now regularly attend 8 TG social (lunch/dinner) functions per month, notwithstanding at least 8-10 "Have you got time for a coffee" adhoc session with other women throughout the month.

By comparison to my previous 'boy' mode, if I'd had two coffee sessions per month with other men, it would have been an exception.

Currently my FB boy presence runs at 4, so called real friends and 8 acquaintances. By comparison to Catherine's presence, which has only been up for less than a month, is running at 25 women I can count as real friends and still growing, with a further 18 women who would be classed as acquaintances, or women I'm still getting to know. My 'boy' profile has been running for 5 years, Catherine's has been up less than a month.

As you begin to accept yourself more, I believe you will start to experience something similar. It may come with the cost of old relationships/acquaintances. But at the 'end of the day' I've heard it said; " Those that matter, don't care who you are, and those that care, don't matter."

I can only urge you to continue this evolution, perhaps with some alacrity, to becoming the person you are destined to be. Along the way, you will realise the freedom and liberation this journey/evolution has given you, is well worth the cost you have paid for it. And trust me; sometimes it costs everything. BUT; the ROI (Return On Investment) IS indisputable.

Keep on doing what you are doing; because you do it so well.

Huggs
Catherine

[Beth Andrea]

My social life has +/- remained static, and I may consider myself blessed, though I am most often alone, not to say lonely.

Though, it was little different before - only the bigots, and idjits have quit seeking my company and I ought to be feeling the better for it.
Most were actually 'takers' now they found others to take from, and so be it.

So, I certainly can say my social life has NOT experienced a big upsurge in popularity - static it is, and was before transition I ought to add.

Axélle

Sometimes being able to cut loose the deadwood helps in other areas.

[Apples]

I soon discovered the ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- and what they were all about.

Oh, I had forgotten about these guys. Should I be worried about it? Yet... I don't want to do a full transition, I want keep my original genitalia as long as possible... This can be a problem. My sex preferences are still limited to women, other trans women and gay men...  Making a search though the website reveals really odd things with "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-". Ok, I don't mind having a romantic relationship with other trans people, but obsesed unstable 200 pounds wackos? Sheeeesh.

[Tristan]

I know for me people are nicer to me now and the guys attention is way better. But social is kind of dead at the moment due to school, the guy who looks after me and some other stuff. But normally post boy mode has been really good

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Like many, my life is static.  The only real time I had "friends" was when I was married.  I never really had friends, other than on-line.

I don't date.  I have had some but they were all duds.

[Kelly J. P.]

 My experience has been improved. I have had more friends since I went full-time than I had beforehand. especially immediately after the event. I was pretty popular, by my standards, and those were some of the best months I've ever had.

[cynthialee]

First off let me state that my exeriance is atypical and I recogniose that.

When I transitioned I got my family and friends back. I had alienated them years before due to gender angst and internal rage issues. When I came out and transitioned it started to all make sense to my loved ones, they finaly had something to point to that explained my behaivior. Over a period of about 6 months they started to slowly drift back into my life after the rumours started to fly I was 'doing the sex change thing'.

I now have a social life, and friends and my family has brought me back into the fold.

Transition was the best thing I ever did for myself.

[swatch]

Apples, I'm as scared as you but I know a part of what to expect from family, friends, buddies and acquaintances. I know I will lose some of them and not in the best way, and I do not know how hard it will be when I'm out.
This would be very useful to have more testimonials in this thread.

[Sarah Louise]

I think my social life has stayed about the same.

[DianaW]

I have to admit, this is my biggest concern, other than continuing to resemble myself more than I hope to

[Layn]

Old friends were all sorta accepting (they took quite some time to understand what i was saying), but i don't really talk to them that much anymore.
Now, more recent friends (which i made closer to transition), that was amazing and felt so good. All the barriers between us broke down and i just got so close to everyone. Our friendships are stronger than ever before!
And as for making new friends... it just happens somehow. I don't really know how . Conversations just happen, when you aren't trying to hide everything. And i'm a person who usually sits at home and plays video games. Heck, i don't drink alcohol, nor coffee, not even tea. I'm utterly boring on the outside! It helps however having a hobby and sharing it with other people to start getting to know people. My current group of friends was mainly through university or through those people i met there (to be honest i'm most of the time busy with university, so it's kind of hard meeting anyone outside of it )

Oh as for family: My relationship with all of them improved enormously as i finally start making sense to them and i finally talk with them.

[Rita]

Social life is better, happier.  Even those who knew me before can hear the happiness in the way I say things, because there is no more holding back.  No more trying to hide the cute, it just comes out!

I met a beautiful girl named Ana who won my heart and I won hers x3  Something that may of never happened unless I transitioned.


On the flip side,

Coming out in the area I live in could put my life in jeopardy, but these people are the kind of people I would never converse with.

[jesse]

not much of a social person to begin with i guess thats part of my issues so no vote here

[Elsa]

well mostly static

when I came out a few years ago to friends and few family members - I lost a lot of close people.

although with time - some of them did come back and we did become friends again.

a few who don't know that am transgender - say I am a lot more happier and comfortable and open.

[priscilla]

Mine has stayed the same since transition.  I have always been a very social person and when I transitioned, I lost a couple of friends, kept the largest majority, all of my remaining family and gained quite a few new ones.  I was open and honest with everyone from the very beginning and I think that helped a lot.

As for Romance I am quite cautious and screen my partners well.   While I am upfront about my nature, and the fact that I haven't had GRS yet, I still demand that we will date and get to know each other before sex is even thought about.  This eliminates a majority of the ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s and gives me a chance at something a little more serious.

[Adam (birkin)]

Overall it has improved. I still don't have tons of friends, and struggle sometimes in that department, but being myself made it so I could actually talk openly with people. That's a big improvement from before when i just wanted to die every time I spoke, haha.

[peky]

I work two jobs, and take care of 6 kids, so my time is rather constrained, but I do have a lot of friends as always. 

My relationship with my pre-transtion friends has changed; my female friends has become more intimate and fun, while the boys seem to be more reserve and treat me differently. Fortunley for me I have not lost any of them.

Male and female friends I had made during the last 2 years seem to be oblivious to the fact that once upon time I played the role of a male.