Advice needed: Should I let people at work know I'm Trans?

[suzifrommd]

I present as male, my birth gender, except that lately I've been wearing my fingernails long. I don't have any other female aspects of my presentation.

If someone is curious about my nails, should I let them know that I'm Transgendered?

I live in a pretty liberal area, and I'm not likely to face reprisals simply for letting my trans-ness be known, though there might be a few closed-minded people on staff who'd disapprove. I'm pretty good at my job and would not be that easy to replace (though occasionally too outspoken for my own good) so it's unlikely there'd be any repercussions simply for telling people I'm Trans. If I started presenting female, that'd be a different story, though I might make the principal of our school nervous if he thought he'd have to deal with one of his teachers suddenly dressing female.

On the other hand, I'd like the people I work with to know who I am. I'd like the chance to educate those who are interested in what transgender really means.

Anyone have any experience with telling people at work they are trans? Thoughts and suggestions?

[Kelly J. P.]

 If it were me, I would probably hold off on telling until I was within a month or two away from actively transitioning on the job. However, given your reasons and the lack of consequences ... I would be inclined to say that you could/should tell people whenever you feel the moment is right.

When I came out on the job, it was because I wanted to transition there almost immediately... so it was more or less a necessary thing for me. Before that, people just assumed I was really really gay.

[JoanneB]

I often got comments about my nails from the women at work. My stock reply was that they grow like weeds and are made of rubber. Then give a demonstration of how easily they bend. The only time they would break or chip on their own was late winter after months of dry air and freezing cold.

[Jeatyn]

I have a similar dilemma. I am technically fully legally transitioned as in all my ID is male...but I don't pass. So at my volunteer job or any recreational groups I go and even to my neighbours I'm never sure when or how to bring it up that I'd prefer male pronouns and go through the whole mess of explaining the situation.

My plan at the moment is to wait until I'm actually on T, then I can explain fully that I'll gonna be going through some changes. I've found in the past that telling people when I have no hopes of HRT in the near future doesn't go over well. They seem to forget because my physical appearance hasn't actually changed, so I may as well have never told them.

I guess my only suggestion to you is to ask...would you prefer a quiet life or to fully have people around you know who you really are? At the moment I have chosen a quiet life, so I just keep my mouth shut.

[aleon515]

I told three people at work that I'm close to and I see outside of work sometimes. I have found I don't talk to people at work about this though. I think there is just too much to do to have time for this. (With most people outside of work we do talk about it.) Of course, when you have only three people you have told, there are all sorts of people who will walk in who you haven't told so that might limit things.

I have transitioned in some respects-- changed my name to a more androgenous name and different presentation.


--Jay Jay

[Cindy]

I went FT about 3-4 weeks ago after being very ambiguous in presentation for about 12 months. Some friends knew for some time.

I have had absolutely zero negative reaction.

I did lecture to 200 + students yesterday and everyone seemed fine except for three 'girls' s->-bleeped-<-ing in the front row so brought them out in front of the lecture theatre  so that they could be my examples of cells interacting. I was very pleasant and supportive to them. They hated it.

I think they now have some inkling of what respectful behaviour is, or at least they now know not to mess with Cindy.

I did call into the pharmacy on the way home to pick up my 'mones, one of the woman lightly touched me on the shoulder and said that I was looking great, in a very friendly woman to woman manner.

Certainly the laws in Australia protect me more than they seem to in some parts of the USA but I do suggest that you be yourself. It is who you are.

Cindy

[Constance]

I started hormones about 3 months before I went full-time. Before that, there were days in which I'd gone to work dressed entirely in women's clothing, but in a subtle enough way that no one could really tell. Jeans and T-shirts can be pretty neutral, and I wasn't showing my undies to anyone.

When the time came that I couldn't wait any longer, I let management and HR know that I was in transition and that I'd chosen a date for when I as Constance would come to work for the first time. I'm nearing my 1-year anniversary of that milestone (27 September).

Basically, I worked with HR to have the proper message delivered to my coworkers and this was done while I was out of the office. I left for a short vacation as David and returned as Constance.

Overall, the reaction and reception has been positive. There is a handful of people who are no longer speaking to or looking at me. But, there is a larger number of people who used to be merely coworkers and now they're friends.

[cynthialee]

I also went FT after 3 months of HRT.

Tell no one until you are ready to transition and the changes are going to be obvious. Then only tell those who have a need to know, and that list is rather small when you think on it.

[suzifrommd]

Tell no one until you are ready to transition and the changes are going to be obvious. Then only tell those who have a need to know, and that list is rather small when you think on it.

Why not? Did you have a bad experience? Is there a reason why people shouldn't know?

[Sephirah]

You know your circumstances better than anyone, so my question really only needs to be: how do you feel about letting people know, based on what you know about those around you and how it might impact on your working life and daily experience in general? What do your instincts tell you?

[cynthialee]

Why not? Did you have a bad experience? Is there a reason why people shouldn't know?

No.
But would you rather be the girl in cubicle 14B or the transsexual in cubicle 14B?

[Constance]

No.
But would you rather be the girl in cubicle 14B or the transsexual in cubicle 14B?

I'd been working at my current employer as David for nearly 7 years when I transitioned to Constance. I will always be the "transsexual" in cubicle x. True, no one freaks when I use the women's room. But, everyone knows my story.

[suzifrommd]

No.
But would you rather be the girl in cubicle 14B or the transsexual in cubicle 14B?

Thanks for your input Cynthia Lee. It helps.

I am well known around my school. If I were to present as female, even with a new name, everyone will know I once presented male. So I would always be a Transsexual in their eyes. Having them know that I'm transgendered as I ponder my options wouldn't change that.

Not sure if a female presentation will be for me. In the meantime, though, I'd like my coworkers to know who I am and what I'm wrestling with. If I had arthritis, I wouldn't hesitate to tell people why I was limping. If I had a tumor removed, I would gladly tell anyone who asked why I walk around with a bandage on my neck.

My thinking is that being Transgendered is no different. It is a medical condition like any other, one that is occupying a lot of my energy.

However, I'm a very poor predictor of how people react. That's why I'm looking for feedback.