I feel kind of weird arghhhing about being a little bit lonely when there are people who are dealing with family members actively resisting their transitions.
But I'm in the early stages of exploring the female experience, trying to get a handle on whether I really identify female.
I have no one I can comfortably share it with. I don't have a lot of friends. That's what got me thinking about whether I'm Trans in the first place. I noticed I was only comfortable being friendly with women, and when I tried to figure out why, the puzzle pieces began fitting together.
I went shopping last week for female clothing, makeup, etc., so I could go out presenting as female. Some of it was harrowing, some of it was wonderful, but the worst part was that I had no one to go with and no one to show my purchases to.
Honestly, my best friend is my wife, and I did show her what I thought was a nice feminine belt I picked out. As I expected, she told me how weird it was that I was buying stuff intended for ladies. I took it in stride - probably how I would react if my husband of 20 years started buying women's stuff. It was a lot to ask for her to think about complimenting my taste.
But I really feel like I'm missing part of the female experience.
Male role-playing me always went clothes shopping alone, but the clothes I bought were usually commodities. I knew what kind of shirt/pants I wanted to buy, found it, paid, and added it to my wardrobe. As a women, that type of experience doesn't feel right. I wanted more of a self-imagining journey, seeing clothes or jewelry, deciding what they would tell people about who I am, and whether that message is right for me.
It feels really lonely doing that by myself.
I'm not out to most people I know. I have two close female friends, one who really is not much into shopping and the other who is so busy that I only see her a couple times a year, so neither is really a good candidate for a shopping companion (though I did ask one of them out of desperation but she seemed less than eager).
I'm feeling an impulse to start coming out to people I know, just in hopes I'd get an offer to help me shop, but the advice I got from the
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,125309.0.html topic seemed overwhelmingly against that, for very sensible reasons.
