So waiting for a yes or no...

[unknown]

So for a week ago I went to my doctor to tell I was trans.
It want really great! Even thought she was really ignorant (especially for a doctor), thinking only mtf existed and thought I wanted to take T because I was asexual (I mean wtf T makes you libido higher why would a cis asexual want that?), but other than that she was fine with it. So she sent the only sexual clinic (I dislike trans people have to visit a place with a name like that. It makes it seem sexual  ) in my county an email. After that she said it might take two weeks for them to answer. I was fine with that. I mean I can wait two weeks. No problem! I have been waiting one year before that because misunderstandings. But then she said that they might say no because I'm under 18. And then my world just broke, because one of the only things that have been keeping me from committing suicide for a year where that I might could have T soon.
I don't think I can take it for two more years. I just can't. Every times someones uses my birth name or calls me she, I die inside. The body disphobia is also not looking vary good. Because I can't handle my skin being so soft as it is I have lots of eczema on my arms because if I try to treat it my skin becomes so soft I have to crass my skin of. Not because of self harm, just because it feels too wrong.
I just don't know what to do  . Because of my fear of not getting T is so big I can hardly sleep. I have to try to sleep 1-2 and sometime more hours before I finally falls asleep (the sleep problems actually comes from being trans*, but it's really bad right now.)

[KamTheMan]

hey bro, i know it's rough but you gotta hang in there. yea, you might have to wait another couple years, but at least you WILL eventually be getting T. There's guys that will never even have that option. Think about it, what's two more years in exchange for a lifetime in the right looking body? You're young, and I know how hard it is to be a teenager these days, but nothing is worth taking your own life. Instead of looking at the next two years like the end of the world. Think about what YOU can do during this time to prepare your body for T. Start a hardcore workout program and get jacked. Do exercises that masculinize your body. Then once you finally get on T and start seeing more changes and how much of a BADASS you look. You'll look back on this rough time in your life and be thankful you held on. I lost a close friend to suicide in August '08. I still haven't recovered. Suicide is never the answer. Be strong and do everything you can to find happiness right now. Your life hasn't even begun yet brother. Don't end it before you've even had an opportunity to really live.

As for your sleeping issues, talk to your doctor about it. I take a prescription anti-anxiety sleep aid nightly and it's helped me tremendously. Good luck. And stay safe.

[aleon515]

>It want really great! Even thought she was really ignorant (especially for a doctor), thinking only mtf existed and thought I wanted to take T because I was asexual (I mean wtf T makes you libido higher why would a cis asexual want that?)

I don't have any comments on the rest of this, but I understand this one. I think the doctor was thinking that your asexuality would be cured by having more drive. They don't get that in asexuals there can be drive but just not attraction.

But since he's ignorant.

BTW, I don't understand why you don't like trans people. You are trans people.

--Jay Jay

[AdamMLP]

BTW, I don't understand why you don't like trans people. You are trans people.

I might be reading the wrong part but I think he was saying that he doesn't like the fact that trans people in his area get referred to a "sexual clinic", not that he doesn't like the trans people themselves.

Anyway, I know how you feel, I've got at least two years before there's a chance of me getting on T because of my age as well, but at least you have a chance that you might get to go on T before then.  And really, two years isn't that long, it feels like it is, but it isn't, think back to 2010, it doesn't seem that long ago (or not for me anyway).  You can make it.  And when you get there it'll be so much more worth it because you've had to wait so long to get it.  And like Kyle said, there is stuff you can do to make yourself look more masculine before T and the bonus of exercise is that it also helps you fight of any depression you might have and distracts you from feeling suicidal.  Whenever I start to feel myself thinking about doing something harmful I do press ups or something until I work it out of me and it helps.  It's probably the only thing that helps me actually.  Hang in there man.

[Mosaic dude]

Hang in there comrade.  I know it's a cliche, but... it will get better.  Don't feel you have to end your life before it's even begun, because it will begin.  You will get T, and then you will have your whole life to live as yourself.  And it will be totally worth it.

You can do it. 

[sonopoly]

This doctor probably thought that your asexual, because of a low testerone level and thought that giving t would change this.  Logical, but he/she should have explored more deeply.  Get a new doctor if you can.

[Make_It_Good]

Im going to echo some of what Alex and Kyle have said as I think theyve made very good points.
  Youre already in the process, youre getting things moving which is good. And 2 years? Think of things 2 years ago, youve probably made alot of progress since then, and that wasnt even that long ago. Just hold onto the hope of how much things will be better in another 2 or even 3 years!
   I was in a very similar situation to you. So much I had to go through - 7 different counsellor/professionals, different Drs and clinics, each giving me hope and then letting me down. Being told I could be seen at 15, at 16, then being told they wont even touch me till Im 18. At the time, the wait felt like honestly, the slowest time has ever passed. I had to go through the rest of school and 6th form, looking either androgynous (which I hated) and people ask me what I am, or male, with the humiliation of people using "she" around people who use "he" then people just stop talking to me and start talking about me.
Hell, I worked a job for 6 months where some of them thought I was female (by the name I wasnt allowed to change yet) and all those who were hired after me, thought I was male. How I managed to keep this going I dont know! :p
   But basically, I know the hell youre going through. But honestly, the other end makes it worth it. Ofcourse itd be great if we didnt have to go through any of this, but, the suffering is worth it for the reward