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curious about coming out

Started by JulieC., September 02, 2012, 04:22:08 PM

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JulieC.

I think when the time comes for me to come out almost everyone is going to be totally shocked.  I'm curious.  For those of you that have come out to your friends and family were they shocked, just mildly surprised or was it one of those "I always knew it" responses?



"Happiness is not something ready made.  It comes from your own actions" - Dalai Lama
"It always seem impossible until it's done." - Nelson Mandela
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Veronique

I came out to my family and they looked a little surprised but my father said he knew because of my behaviour. They did not appear shocked but i guess they were, as many people would be. It's just one of those things that they never think about and only see it in the news or movies.
Hard ground makes strong roots.
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Brooke777

Everyone was extremely shocked. No one had a clue. I guess I did a very good job of hiding my true self.
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PrincessLeiah

Quote from: Brooke777 on September 02, 2012, 06:04:46 PM
Everyone was extremely shocked. No one had a clue. I guess I did a very good job of hiding my true self.

Same here. I had a number of friends who remarked that I never exactly conformed to male gender norms, but no one suspected anything beyond that.

Of course it doesn't help that I'm a geek and therefore don't exactly conform in a number of other ways either.
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suzifrommd

My friends were not especially surprised. I've never made a secret of enjoying books, movies and music intended for women and all my friends have usually been woman.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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aleon515

My friends have mostly been supportive and not too surprised (seemingly). A lot of reaction I am getting is "good for you". I don't expect this from my family.

--Jay Jay
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Ms. OBrien CVT

Friends already knew thanks to my ex.  Co workers were a little shocked, and mostly supportive.  Only a couple of guys would not say a word to me.

  
It does not take courage or bravery to change your gender.  It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one.~me
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Noah

My family was not shocked, my Mother told me she knew already, my Father told me he had no expectations about the person I was supposed to be...it was great. My brother being very religious has had a rather difficult time with it, but very accepting none the less, wanting to maintain our relationship and all. My friends have all taken it very well, though some people just don't approve of altering ones body...c'est la vie!

I am very grateful...
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GendrKweer

I have been looking so androgynous for so long that when I 'came' out about getting surgery to a select group of friends and family, almost all of them were pretty unsurprised. Some newer friends said they thought I was a girl when they first met me, some thought I was gay (despite my cisfemale partner)... but not much surprise. Which was nice. First person I told was my mother in law! To a fantastic reception, I must say. Very cool woman. Each person I came out to, I felt lighter and better, too. Very nice feeling, and not a single negative reaction. I guess I must have a good group of friends.
Blessings,

D

Born: Aug 2, 2012, one of Dr Suporn's grrls.
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cindianna_jones

It was a total shock. They didn't have a clue. Their immediate response was total rejection.
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kelly_aus

No surprise or shock from any of my friends and family.. Comments like 'What took you so long?' and similar were fairly common.
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Disgusting

I've been met mostly with surprise and confusion.  The people who know me better were not completely shocked, but my family seemed to be--though I think that was more due to the denial they had as a result of their disdain for the very existence of such things.
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Shana

My mom was shocked, confused, and denied it til I told her she was wrong and I know myself way better than she did. My dad was shocked, confused, and hurt. He always looked up to me as his son that would continue the family name, have a wife and kids, and pass things down to them. He felt rather betrayed and really didn't like hearing it nor supports it. He still supports me in other ways, but emotionally we have totally lost each other and he refuses to acknowledge me as the woman I am. My brother has mixed feelings, mostly due to influence from his friends I'd believe. He kinda "knew" about me without really knowing. It's hard to explain, like he knew but didn't want it to be true. When I told him, he snapped and has been calling me names such as "->-bleeped-<-got" and other offensive terms and keeps blaming me saying he needs to see a therapist to help him get passed this trauma I've put upon him.

Bad stuff aside, My girlfriend has been very supportive of me ever since way back when we were just friends. We'd been friends for a long while and I felt comfortable telling her everything about me from the start, it was quite surprising because I was never really all the comfortable or open talking about it but she was just so accepting and interested, and best of all, even after seeing my face and hearing my voice, she saw me as the woman I am. I've always had her acknowledgement and full support and she continues giving such. I've told many friends as well who have taken it fairly well, none have shunned me, treated me badly, or anything of the sort and they treat me as I wished to be treated. A lot were rather confused at first asking questions like "How do you know?" and trying to comprehend it all, but after that, they were quite accepting saying something like that isn't gonna change their view of me as a person.
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justmeinoz

Family are always the most problematical I think.  They have known you your whole life so it takes a while to adjust. Unfortunately some never do, but if that is the case then they were never really family anyway. 
I was lucky in that the place where I had worked was a Pathology Lab full of medical scientists familiar with a lot of Intersex conditions, so my being TS was no big deal.  Family have been a bit patchy, but the ball is in their court now,  if they want to contact me all they have to do is pick up the phone.  They know that they would always be welcome to come and stay a while.

Karen.
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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J.J.

Well 20 years ago when I told my wife she really took it hard.  I decided that she was more important to me and put it all on the back burner.  At the end of last year when I brought it up again, she said I support you and I'm sorry that I wasn't supportive before. 

After that it was easy going to tell my friends.  Everyone has been very supportive and most reactions were "no joke...what else is new" or "so now you'll wear a tie and go to the men's room, big deal!"
The most common questions are really concerns about my health and that I am getting the best care I can.  My life revolves around my shul and there have been NO negative reactions.  I am sure that some people are put off or think it's "crazy" or what ever people think, because there will always be those people but no one has said anything out loud to me. No one has said so, it's just my opinion, but I sometimes think that it is easier for folks now.     

I realize how lucky/blessed I am.  I know that some folks have a much harder time, especially those that are active in their religious communities. I can't say enough about how amazing my shul has been.   
Coulson Lives! Fury Lies.
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JulieC.

Interesting.  It's a little bit of a mixed bag as I expected.  I can't do anything for awhile anyway but at least one part of me can't wait!  Another part of me dreads it.  I think I know everyone will be shocked.  And I think I know which ones will write me off.  I'm a little less sure who will be supportive.  In the end there are only two people I really care about how they react and a half dozen that are still important to be but...well I can live without if need be.  As for the rest I hope nothing would change but it will be their loss if it did.



"Happiness is not something ready made.  It comes from your own actions" - Dalai Lama
"It always seem impossible until it's done." - Nelson Mandela
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ShawnaB

I've gotten the whole range from "I never would have guessed" to "I thought so!" from friends and generally all positive responses. Family was more along the lines of "So THAT'S what it was. Okay!" and all positive there.  I have some extended family still to introduce myself to but I'm not really worried about that.
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Jeatyn

I too have had the whole range of reactions from "that's sick I never want to talk to you again" to "oh ok cool, makes sense"

Pretty much my entire family though bar a few special cases have acted like I never said anything. They still call me my old name and use female pronouns and generally act confused when I do something un-feminine. To me the worst kind of a reaction is the non-reaction. Either reject me or accept me, I really don't care which one it is, but ignoring me is not cool.
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Disgusting

Jeatyn; My family has been pretty much the same after the initial negative reaction: they have chosen to essentially pretend that I said nothing.  If I do bring it up, they only insist that I don't know what I'm talking about.  I haven't contacted them in several weeks now, but I will be sending them a letter to further explain my situation and give them a choice: have me as I am or don't have me at all.  I don't appreciate their picking and choosing which parts of me to accept and pretending that the rest don't exist.  I would rather have them outright reject me than to accept me, but only accept a version of me that doesn't truly exist.
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gennee

My wife was surprised; my son wasn't. When I came out at church many folks were suprised but they have been supportive and positive.
Be who you are.
Make a difference by being a difference.   :)

Blog: www.difecta.blogspot.com
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