It's Time

[Beverly]

Hopeless - forget the inheritance, they are not letting you have it anyway and once they are all dead you will get it then but right now it is of no use at all to you. So forget it.

You are 25 years old, a legal adult anywhere in the world. Your family cannot make you do anything without your consent. You have reached a point were you are considering suicide. Who gets the inheritance? The family? Kill yourself and you STILL will not get it.

It seems to me that your only choice here is to do what is right for yourself. If you NEED to transition then go and find a good therapist as your first step and get started on your journey.

[Bea]

I am not a professional in dealing with these issues but would like to say a few things.

This is the beginning, not the end.

You are a valuable person in this society and you shouldn't have to feel like you need to wake up every day and prove it; but you do because you are a good person who just needs someone who understands you.

While no one here has walked a day in your shoes and knows exactly how you feel, at least coming out here you'll continue to find others who have gone through similar things and are willing to give a mountain of advise and perspectives to be who you are on the inside.

I have a great amount of respect for you and believe you can take all the coping skills you have learned through the years and use them now to be yourself and encourage you to seek a councilor/therapist who deals with gender dysphoria or transgender issues as soon as possible; some even Skype in the privacy of your home.

Lastly, no matter how cheesy this may sound, and If you already haven't done so, you may find watching some M2F or F2M transition video's on YouTube helpful, or at the least to give you an idea of what you may or may not get out of transition or HRT. There are also video support groups on YouTube as well. Both of these can help you while in the privacy of your own home.

Check out these YouTube accounts (Jesslyngirl87) and (ChristinaFoxx69) as they were both helpfull to me.

I look forward to hearing more from you, God bless.

[sandrauk]

Money doesn't buy happiness but it gives options which can make you very happy.

I'm more puzzled by your situation and I think possibly someone is not telling you the truth. Why would you pay tax on money that you don't have? I understand how tax is payable but not how that can't be deducted from the principle. Perhaps someone here can help with the legalities or you could ask on another forum. In the UK we have moneysavingexpert.com.

I get the three signatories but what is this linked to? Marriage? Age? I can see them wanting to protect the money, do you think there is a situation in which they would release some money?

Worst case scenario is that you don't get your hands on the money for a very long time. Just think what fun you could have then. Even if you have to wait until your sixties, I, and many other of the older gals can tell you it's worth the wait.

[Hopeless]

On the contrary, I was pointing out the positivity of her situation, her myriad options, and I never said her pain was illegitimate.

I knew that would lose people because everyone only sees dollar signs. I am wealthy, on paper. That's it. Asking for a small amount isn't unreasonable I agree, but My total sum ive successfully extracted from it? ...5,600 dollars ...Total. Even that's alot of money sure. The reason I was able to pull it out was because I literally had no face. I fell out of a car at 35 mph and tore up half my body, tearing the skin off my left side. My face was literally torn from eyebrow to cheekbone and I had 2nd degree burns covering almost of entire arm. See, despite the fact that the government thinks im a multi-millionaire, I cant afford even health insurance. And, although I literally sewed myself back together, alone, Everything got infected. By the time I finally made it to the hospital i couldn't hold myself together enough to recognize my own sister. They rushed my to the hospital and that was the bill. My car? I payed for, with my salary of 200 a week. Same with my apartment. Same with all my expenses. After all my bills I walk away with 50 dollars. And that's not including food or gas for the car. I'm actually still paying back taxes for last years sum. So while I get what you're saying, its actually hindering my life rather then opening a variety of options. 

The money I would love to just leave, and i've even told them, they can have it. I'd rather not. Running I think is POSSIBLE, but I afraid. My father is really the one that can find people. Hes managed to find people who fall off the planet before. I'm not sure how he does it, But i'll share one experience. He had a friend who had troubles in and out of prison. She had a huge drug problem. She ended up going to prison for like 4-5 years. She was released early, and despite the fact that she did change her name, joined a private church organization (cult) that had a special password just to be able to contact any members, He found her within 2 weeks of her departure from prison, and figured out the verbal password. She wanted nothing to do with him since he was the one who had her arrested. The cult was in the middle of nowhere, southeast Missouri. I dont know how he does it, but things like that scare me. I'm going to work now but ill try to remain on the boards through my work wifi.

[Hopeless]

Money doesn't buy happiness but it gives options which can make you very happy.

I'm more puzzled by your situation and I think possibly someone is not telling you the truth. Why would you pay tax on money that you don't have? I understand how tax is payable but not how that can't be deducted from the principle. Perhaps someone here can help with the legalities or you could ask on another forum. In the UK we have moneysavingexpert.com.

I get the three signatories but what is this linked to? Marriage? Age? I can see them wanting to protect the money, do you think there is a situation in which they would release some money?

Worst case scenario is that you don't get your hands on the money for a very long time. Just think what fun you could have then. Even if you have to wait until your sixties, I, and many other of the older gals can tell you it's worth the wait.

Quick response before I go. In US, if you're under 50, Every dime you extract is also taxed 50%. If i take out 10,000, i owe the government 5,000. So I would actually have to take out more and its a large math problem that I cant do since I can barely do multiplication. Anyways, i'll be around for a bit.

[Beverly]

IHe found her within 2 weeks of her departure from prison, and figured out the verbal password. She wanted nothing to do with him since he was the one who had her arrested. The cult was in the middle of nowhere, southeast Missouri. I dont know how he does it, but things like that scare me.

So he found her? What is the big deal? He cannot abduct her or make her do anything she does not wish to do. She has the right to a private life and so do you. What does it matter if you move out and he finds you? Nor can he stop you from getting any treatment you desire or need. Your medical issues are private and no one else's business.

I think this person has you convinced that you have no choice, but I would be surprised if that where really so.

[Hopeless]

So he found her? What is the big deal? He cannot abduct her or make her do anything she does not wish to do. She has the right to a private life and so do you. What does it matter if you move out and he finds you? Nor can he stop you from getting any treatment you desire or need. Your medical issues are private and no one else's business.

I think this person has you convinced that you have no choice, but I would be surprised if that where really so.

Sorry if this comes out as a mess, I'm a bit limited at the moment. But, I wanted to thank everyone for their encouraging comments and help. I know this all comes off a bit paranoid, and you're right; if I choose to do this they really couldn't stop me. Here's what I do know: they would find me eventually whether I wanted them to or not or whether they even actually tried to find me. It's my fate that I'd run into them again. I do know they would never accept me and I could never deal with being put out from the family. I could disappear without looking back but I couldn't handle them disowning me. Them deciding that who I want to be they don't want me to be. It would spiral me into a deeper depression than I am now. I think everyone here has heard enough of my bull. I know many of you are going through worse situations and I wish you all the best of luck. No matter what I do I appreciate all of your help.

[JoanneB]

It may seem simplistic but my wife has a saying, "There is always at least 3 solutions to every problem". When you are in a dark mood you usually cannot see any but one. Sometimes you just get stuck into one way of thinking or solving problems. The ole, "If all you have is a hammer, everything begins to look like a nail syndrome.

A bit like you, A chemeleon, I am tall, big boned, frog hands, super extra large feet, balding in my early teens and stuttered a lot. In spite of all that, twice in my 20's I tried, or tested out, transitioning. Eventually opted to fake "normal" with often disasterous results. These days I readily pass and am seriously considering going full-time. But that currently has plenty of financial reasons why not. Yet the clock doesn't stop ticking and I am no spring chicken.

What changed? Attitude. I had like zero self esteem and confidence in spite of everyone I knew constantly saying how great or smart I was. How could I be those when I was a giant faker, living a lie?

I suspect the trust fund, or inheritance thing, can be resolved in your favor. It may require some lawyer shopping to find out for sure. One may do it for a piece of the action.

Remember there are plenty of us who do care and have been in the same dark place you now are.

My wife isn't the only one with a saying. I have one too, based on knowing and learning from many TSs. "Transition is just another word for nothing left to loose" (forgive me Janice) One thing very much in common with fully transitioned TSs is it was either suicide, or go for it. Like I have nothing else to loose so why not give it a go?

[Beverly]

if I choose to do this they really couldn't stop me.
...
I could disappear without looking back but I couldn't handle them disowning me.

OK - you have now taken a big step forward and identified the real core of the problem. You COULD do this but you are worried about being disowned. This is common to a lot of trans people. The fear of being disowned holds them back, sometimes for decades. Some do get disowned and others fare better. To some extent, how you tell people will govern the reaction you get from them although their personalities do also count for a lot.

[sandrauk]

I'm going to tell you my sons story. That way it's impersonal and you can decide which bits resonate with you.

My son got to the age of 17. I bought him a car, paid the insurance, tax etc. because I wanted him to not have to struggle the way I had at that age. Both my parents had died when I was 16 and I had to join the services and leave school and hometown at 16.

I banned him from carrying friends in the car, but of course he did and wrote the car off in two months (no injuries tho). All night parties followed and  his studies went for the chop. His room was 6 inches deep in crap, he never helped around the house, he was rarely there. All my attempts to guide (carrot/stick ) failed. Two more cars followed, both written off.

By 19 he would visit home once a week to steal some money, I put the money in a safe, somehow he cracked the safe and I found I was losing £1000 a week.

At this stage I decided it was sink or swim for him so he visited the house to find the locks changed and when he came to collect his clothes he went for my throat, but found he wasn't as strong as he thought he was. He left calling me a gay, ->-bleeped-<-, motherf

I didn't speak to him for two years, until he hit bottom and apologized and grew up, but slowly he got himself a minimum wage job which he held down, and slowly turned his life around. Now I could help him again (not financially) and got him to program a couple of websites for me

There were still more hiccups but now he's 29 got a good job as a programmer and in four days time he will make me a grandma. He's given up gambling, smoking and the marijuana which I suspect is actually what started the problems.

Frankly, looking at what little you've described (jackass, falling out of a car,  don't care about the money etc) I would restrict your access to an inheritance. Now this behavior may have been caused by gender dysphoria but your parents don't know that.

Running away is a really bad option IMO.

You need to show your parents that you are responsible.

A couple of thoughts and yes it is about the money as I see that as key to giving you possibilities. If you show you are thinking responsibly about it you are showing that your less likely to party it away.

Try to see if you can get the trust to buy a house for you to rent.

I'm a bit concerned at the level of dividend. 370k p.a. is ok on a 10 million principal (3.7%). On any less it implies a high level of risk which means you could lose the lot. You need to take an interest in this. The US stock market has had a good couple of years but it is always  cyclical.

[Beverly]

@SandraUK   

+1

[Hopeless]

I'm going to tell you my sons story. That way it's impersonal and you can decide which bits resonate with you.

My son got to the age of 17. I bought him a car, paid the insurance, tax etc. because I wanted him to not have to struggle the way I had at that age. Both my parents had died when I was 16 and I had to join the services and leave school and hometown at 16.

I banned him from carrying friends in the car, but of course he did and wrote the car off in two months (no injuries tho). All night parties followed and  his studies went for the chop. His room was 6 inches deep in crap, he never helped around the house, he was rarely there. All my attempts to guide (carrot/stick ) failed. Two more cars followed, both written off.

By 19 he would visit home once a week to steal some money, I put the money in a safe, somehow he cracked the safe and I found I was losing £1000 a week.

At this stage I decided it was sink or swim for him so he visited the house to find the locks changed and when he came to collect his clothes he went for my throat, but found he wasn't as strong as he thought he was. He left calling me a gay, ->-bleeped-<-, motherf

I didn't speak to him for two years, until he hit bottom and apologized and grew up, but slowly he got himself a minimum wage job which he held down, and slowly turned his life around. Now I could help him again (not financially) and got him to program a couple of websites for me

There were still more hiccups but now he's 29 got a good job as a programmer and in four days time he will make me a grandma. He's given up gambling, smoking and the marijuana which I suspect is actually what started the problems.

Frankly, looking at what little you've described (jackass, falling out of a car,  don't care about the money etc) I would restrict your access to an inheritance. Now this behavior may have been caused by gender dysphoria but your parents don't know that.

Running away is a really bad option IMO.

You need to show your parents that you are responsible.

A couple of thoughts and yes it is about the money as I see that as key to giving you possibilities. If you show you are thinking responsibly about it you are showing that your less likely to party it away.

Try to see if you can get the trust to buy a house for you to rent.

I'm a bit concerned at the level of dividend. 370k p.a. is ok on a 10 million principal (3.7%). On any less it implies a high level of risk which means you could lose the lot. You need to take an interest in this. The US stock market has had a good couple of years but it is always  cyclical.

I'm not dead. Worse I almost told someone on the drive home, my oldest sister no less. The money stuff, yes I know I should take more interest, but I don't understand any of it. When I asked about it, I was taken in to meet a broker who literally walked me around in circles because he knew I didn't understand, so he just made some things up. I do still try to read the books, and by books I mean this reports they send me, ranging from 150-1000 pages ...of just numbers. TBH, I don't think anyone in my family understands them either, but my grandfather and father both know the totals, and get more simplified information.

Me being irresponsible. Yes, 100%, and that actually likely does have to do a lot to do with all of it; the money, the tracking, constantly watching everything I do. I've spent more time in jail than the rest of my family combined. And while I could blame this, and 100 other things, and while some people might agree that this lead to that, or that made me do this, the truth is its my fault. I've never really handled anything well. Don't get me wrong by this either, you may draw your own conclusions, but i'm not some evil person. My jail time was mostly related to driving and court FTAs, the worst that came from my "teenage" stunts was my entire yard was leveled (the car incident by the way, i didn't so much fall, as I was ..pushed) But, every time I get on the right track, I mess everything up. Last screw up I made cost me my job, my apartment, everything I owned all because I trusted someone that I knew I shouldn't (even after my entire family told me it was a bad idea). And I'm always trying to prove im responsible to them. Even now im dealing with all their problems on top of mine. My grandfather calls me every time he needs something as simple as a light bulb changed, or his yard mowed, or he doesn't know how to check his recent calls. My father is getting remarried and working on a house for him and his fiance. Every time he calls, no matter what i'm doing I answer. I help him put up drywall, wire the electrical, dig holes for a pond. This is relevant because he actually didn't tell me because he didn't want me to meet her side of the family because hes embarrassed of me. Because i'm irresponsible. That's why they don't want me to go far, and constantly checking on me and what I do. Because i'm a f**kup. I can't hold down a job, I eventually fail to pay my bills, and lose everything. I don't really have a future, or anything going for me either. This just makes one more thing to add to the pile of reasons why they would be better of without me. I don't know, I don't really want to talk about this anymore. I want a reset button. You've all been really nice to me, and i'm not asking for your pity because I DON'T deserve it. I don't deserve anything, but luckily, I don't expect it either. I don't know what the hell i'm doing anymore.

[Asfsd4214]

Hey. I don't know if you're still watching the forums or not, but if you are I want you to know you're still in my thoughts, I haven't forgotten about you or this thread. I hope things get better for you and if you see this and ever want to talk, you have only to ask.

Take care.