I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that honesty somehow requires disclosing every single thought or idea or wish or whatever. No relationship can handle that type of brutally complete disclosure because we often think and wonder things that may not stick in the long run. And once you admit something, it colors everything else and cannot be un-admitted later. Once you speak something, it cannot ever be un-spoken. Once your spouse reads something, it can never be un-read -- even if you have long ago moved on and changed your thinking.
Honesty in personal relationships of all types (especially marriage) requires disclosing those things that really do matter. But not everything matters, and it's up to you to decided whether a certain piece of information crosses that line or is just part of the process of figuring out who you are and where you're going. The test is not, "How would my spouse feel if she read everything I ever wrote?" It's more like, "Is what I'm writing really who I am? And, if so, is it dishonest to hide this part of myself?"
With those closest to you, some types of disclosure could be devastating to a relationship -- and needlessly so. Conversely, some types of withholding could be equally devastating. Only you can figure out where that line is for your relationship.
But it's never the case that your every thought or instinct or feeling needs to be blurted out. And sometimes that's how people use online forums, as that place where things can be blurted out and sorted through later. You can edit or delete posts later, you know. So it makes a perfect place to try out exposing your feelings with relative safety knowing that such feelings may fade into irrelevance. You can experiment in an effort to find out what you really think or feel, and to get feedback which may actually change how you think or feel.
Despite feeling like a public thing, as long as your identity is not compromised, forums can be the safest and most anonymous place in the world. You can type things to strangers that you would never say to a person standing there looking you in the face. And you can get brutally honest feedback that social conventions would never allow one-on-one.
Being brutally honest and fully-disclosing with yourself (and probably your paid therapist) is an absolute must, but what you give the rest of the world, including those with whom you have intimate relationships, is a different matter. Social honesty does not require everything, only those things which actually matter.
So, to the question at the top of this thread, I don't feel like you have any obligation to let anyone read your posts, especially if -- as you admit -- some of them are not wholly honest. That could open a can of hurt which would be unnecessary.
If you were using this forum to actively avoid admitting something, that would be a different story. But it sounds like you are using this as a scratchpad, in which case you have every right -- and a bunch of good reasons -- to keep it private.
Lora
http://translora.wordpress.com
