The more I think about it, the more it bothers me at the idea that I was turned down for my HRT.
For those who are not following me, my therapist is not going to recommend me and I am trying to work with them into getting my HRT started. I am writing an email to my therapist in order to get him to reconsider. I am posting the letter before I send it to get opinions on anything I should include or or anything I should leave out. Comments are welcomed and appreciated.
Dr. Kirk,
First of all I want to thank you for taking the time that you have in reviewing my request about HRT. However I would like to now discus your conclusion to not recommend me. When you and I talked on the phone last week you said that you cannot say yes, however you also would not say no. So the results are inconclusive. I would like to ask what part has you the most concern and to find out how I can help in making that decision conclusive.
One thing you asked me before we ended our call was if I was going to harm myself. I replied that I wasn't because I am still going to pursue this. I believe that this issue alone is why you made the decision you did and I will be honest in saying I find that unfair. This has not changed. I still intend to purse my transition. While I thank you for a letter of recommendation to see another therapist, I would like to point out a few things if I may.
You said that, "Based on the results of the assessment...". Was this the same assessment that stated that I was in denial about my drug and alcohol abuse? As Dr. Williams can confirm when I reviewed the results of the evaluation, I laughed, because while there were some factors that I would be foolish not to consider. However there were other parts that were completely way off. I do not use drug and I will volunteer to a drug screening of any kind at any time and as for my drinking, I have may have one once a month and that is for social reasons.
Another thing I think should be considered is the fact that my first evaluation came back inconclusive as well. I have been told many times that I should be dead because no one could have handled what I have faced in my life or simply that it couldn't have happened that way. While I agree my life has been rough, I do not see any reason to doubt my determination to see life thru and believe that I am some sort of enigma. I do consider myself unique, but not so unique to believe that I have defied all scientific logic.
The second thing I would like to address is the fact I have been honest with you. My honesty has been used against me my whole life and I am asking that you not use that against me as well. I know many people lie to one degree or another and it is almost expected. But Lying is just something I have an incredibly hard time doing. Permit me, if you will, to relay my discharge from the army.
From day one I was accused of lying about everything. I expected this as my platoon didn't know anything about me or my character but I assumed eventually they would come to understand my integrity. However that never came and I watched as people who had lied before were believed over me. It is why my knee is now permanently messed up as I had to run for near two month on an injury. Even though I had shown them the swelling in my knee, I was still accused of lying and to go run.
The day before I was released I had the chance to sit down with my platoon sergeant and ask him why. I asked him in the entire time he has known me, had I ever lied to him. He thought long and hard before he answered and had to admit I had never once lied to them. When I then asked him, why I was treated as everything I said was a lie, he said something that made me think. He simply said, "Because you never did."
I was passed up for promotions because I never lied to them and now I feel that I am being denied once again, because I have not lied to you. I could have just said that I had no suicidal tendencies but I didn't. This is why I am asking for your reconsideration. I am tired of having my honesty being used against me. While I appreciate the concern, as I've stated before, it's my hope in transitioning that keeps me away from those feelings.
I do not understand why taking away something that keeps people from suicide is the best course of action. While you are willing to give me a letter of recommendation, this still does nothing but make the process that much more frustrating and stressful. This is why I am writing to find out where the concerns are so I do not have to start this process over again. While I am still determined, I am imploring you to reconsider your stance.
As far as the suicidal tendency is concerned, I want to reiterate that I am far from that point because of this prospect of transitioning. I am not sure if I have not explained this before effectively or not, but I will say again, I have no plans to commit suicide. I am trying to be honest with you. Please do not use that as a reason to disqualify me.
Finally, I would like to refer to the standard of care for Transgenders, page 2, on the VA's website. File; (ViewPublication.pdf) found on,
http://www.va.gov/vhapublications/ViewPublication.asp?pub_ID=2416"(1) Transgender patients and intersex individuals are provided all care included in VA's medical benefits package, including, but not limited to: hormonal therapy, mental health care, preoperative evaluation, and medically necessary post-operative and long-term care following sex reassignment surgery to the extent that the appropriate health care professional determines that the care is needed to promote, preserve, or restore the health of the individual and is in accord with generally-accepted standards of medical practice"
While I understand you have an obligation to make the best course of action, I am not understanding how placing more duress on me promotes, preserves, or restores my health.
In closing, I would like to request a reply stating exactly why you feel this is the best decision to make. As a medical professional, I respect your education as I am not a doctor. However I do find this decision unfair and if suicidal tendency is your primary concern, why is denying me my request the best course of action. I appreciate your time in reading my email and look forward to your reply.
Sincerely,
Again, any thought?
