One session down...a million more to go...

[Incarnadine]

Had my first session with an actual, for-real psychologist today!  I purposefully picked one that did NOT have any type of gender therapy listed on any psychologist-review website I could find her on.  During the course of the conversation, she told me that she has counseled many with GID, and that she has counseled several families as their loved ones went through transition.  How awesome is that! 

Also - insurance fully covers my visits!  Even more awesomer!  (<--- new word there)

You ask...Why not specifically seek a gender therapist?  Because I don't want to be pushed either way - I want to find out for myself who I am!

"What?? Don't you know who you are??  How could you NOT know who you are??"  Dunno how many times I've asked myself that question.  Speaking of questions, that's what I left the Dr.'s office with, which is what I wanted.  I want her to ask me questions that make me think, rather than listening to what I spew out then assuming she knows what I'm really thinking.  Driving home, I felt like a TON of bricks lifted off my shoulders!  While my wife knows, I can't talk to her (she has a vested interest, obviously) like I could to the psych. 

Since I don't know who I am exactly (although I'm fairly certain at this point), and since one of the steps to becoming the woman on the outside that we [think we] are on the inside is a name-change, I've selected my new first name...

Hope.

It speaks volumes to me about myself and the darkness I've felt for a while and the possibilities for the future.  Simple, yet truthful.

[Padma]

That sounds great! Keep those spaces open .

(PS: love the name...)
(PPS: both of them - I really like the word "Incarnadine")

[JoanneB]

My decision to start therapy was primarily to help unlearn some bad behavours/thoughts and to learn some new tools to handle my basic personality and feelings. Many of the bad behavours led to some big life disasters. At the root of these behavours was being a trans something. So a therapist that at least knew a little something about GID was about the best I could hope for living in a rural area like I do.

I had absolutely no desire or intention to transition. I spent way too many years as a guy and have a ton of responsibilities that need to be discharged. Most times the gender stuff hardly comes up. When it does it's usually a repeat of my ranting on about the hows and whys I can't and shouldn't. For the past year these rants have taken place with me presenting as female. Obviously I am still trying to sort out what I am too.

One problem at a time I say. Still got a few hundred to go.