Question about going out as Myself...

[Cindy]

Well I'm out full time and have no option but to continue. I got my legal name change today and changed my drivers licence, credit card, Medicare card (similar to social security in the USA). Had my hair styled.

I'm out. I'm very confident in myself. I totally and utterly don't care what people think of me. There is no way I can be in stealth, I have a very high public profile job. My co-workers know I have transitioned, going to work in a dress is a bit of a give away as they say.

I have had no problems. Be yourself. Be natural, be confident. It is absolutely no ones business what you are doing. It is your life and you can live it. Don't give a damn about people who react, they are nothing and no one.

I get nothing except acceptance and kindness from 99.9% of people.  I dress nicely and I act appropriately to my gender. I do not 'drag' it up. I'm a very normal, if exceptionally gorgeous, woman . I expect to be treated that way, and I am.

By being confident you can face anything. And every day you go out with the confident sticker all over you the easier it is, until suddenly you realise that you are you. And it all seems a rather none event. You are a woman, you always have been, so what.

Cindy

[Beverly]

Well I'm out full time and have no option but to continue. I got my legal name change today

Congratulations!  (We need a 'partying' icon)

By being confident you can face anything.

Absolutley!

until suddenly you realise that you are you. And it all seems a rather none event. You are a woman, you always have been, so what.

That is the wierdest bit of all. We put all that effort in so that eventually it becomes a non-event. It is a bit like going up one side of a mountain as you journey from M to F and at some point you reach the peak where the dressing, makeup, hair and presentation start to work for you then you slide back down the other side of the mountain letting the make-up go to just lippy and mascara, the nail polish less often, more casual dressing (jeans, sneakers, etc) until suddenly you realise that you look like every other casually dressed woman and no one pays you any heed at all.

Hormones are good, but there is no transition drug as effective as confidence. It is the best...

[Cindy]

Congratulations!  (We need a 'partying' icon)
Absolutley!

That is the wierdest bit of all. We put all that effort in so that eventually it becomes a non-event. It is a bit like going up one side of a mountain as you journey from M to F and at some point you reach the peak where the dressing, makeup, hair and presentation start to work for you then you slide back down the other side of the mountain letting the make-up go to just lippy and mascara, the nail polish less often, more casual dressing (jeans, sneakers, etc) until suddenly you realise that you look like every other casually dressed woman and no one pays you any heed at all.

Hormones are good, but there is no transition drug as effective as confidence. It is the best...

Very well said. I think people sometimes expect  fireworks and flags. About 50% of the world are female the other  50% are male. You are female and expect some razzmatazz, sorry, you get what the rest of what woman get.

To be totally facetious, you get to queue for the loo.

If you expected a lot more then I'm sorry, you may have been hoping for a fantasy and not reality. I'm 'just' a woman.  Thank Goddess because there was no way I was a man. And that is what I'm happy about.


I don't mean any of the above or any of my comments rudely; but once you sort of accept that you are a normal woman, well it just fits into place. There are no issues. There is no great acceptance thing. You are you. I'm me.

I reckon it is exactly the same from the male perspective. Once a guy accepts himself and lives as a guy, well so what? They are just regular guys who do regular guy stuff.

I don't understand it, but who understands guys anyway? Give them a beer and a car in pieces and they are happy for hours. (A joke , they would need more than one beer).


Confidence Sister.

Don't worry it, just live it, and no one will notice.

Hugs

Cindy

[justmeinoz]

I am 6'2" and wear heels up to about 3" no problem.  Just stick your boobs out and stride.

[Eva Marie]

I agree that confidence is a very important factor - if you are nervous people will notice.

When I went out en femme the first time I was chock full of confidence and didn't care who saw me (I have no idea where all of that confidence came from). People didn't even notice or look at me all night.

The second time I went out en femme I was far less confident and I did notice some people glancing at me.

Take baby steps and only do what you are comfortable with. Go to safe places and remember the safety rules for women.

[EmilyMI]

Hey Emily

I just wanted to chime in here. I wanted to tell you how I started and maybe this can help. I started meeting some trans girls here locally all at varying stages of transition. Some who where just coming out as I was and some girls who have been out for a very long time. I found that being around girls who have been there done that have been able to help me and give me tips and just give me that confidence that I needed.

I remember the very first time I ever went out presenting as a woman. God I was so nervous. I thought the whole world was looking at me and could tell, but after awhile you get less and less nervous and self conscious. I remember the fist thing when I got out of the car was this guy and his wife walked up to me and my friends and asked me for directions. I freaked I didn't know what to do. He had no idea but his wife totally clocked me.Probably because she saw the panic look on my face. Looking back it's quite amusing. I just took a deep breath and gave him directions and he thanked me and went about his business.

It takes practice and patience and after a while you really don't care who is looking at you. I would suggest going some places that are more progressive at first. Places where you would fit in no matter how you present. Just to get the hang of it. Also go and hangout with friends if you can. They will help take your mind off the obvious. It helps really.

I want to say something that I hope doesn't come off the wrong way. I have been able to present and be pretty much passable from day one. The more and more I transition the better I get at it. That being said I get looked at a lot and some times people(well men) stare at women and this can give you a false complex. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you dress to blend in, you blend in. For me I'm very stylish and love to dress very nice. Sometimes this works to my disadvantage. People like to look at pretty women. BTW you look fabulous. Try not to be very hard on yourself. If you lived near me I would totally hang out with ya.

Hello Reagan,

    Thanks for all the information.  this helps out a lot actually.  I just need to stop dwelling on what might people think honestly.  When I am out and about, doubtful anyone will say anything to me at all.  When I was out at a TG club a few months ago though in the Detroit area, we stopped at a gas station and she actually went out to pump gas.  I remember this one guy kept on yelling to her saying "That is a guy, That is a guy" over and over again.  She was a bit upset about it but she has thicker skin then what I do.  I guess that really is what scares me the most is if people do that to me? I might take the steps though is just going out a bit at a time, either go grocery shopping or to a local mall? also I think going to local TG community meetings will help me greatly.  Anything to help just build up my over all self confidence.  I admit though that my nerves get the better of me most of the time but I know that I NEED to do this if I ever want to transition further and eventually go full time.   Again I appreciate  all the information and I will defiantly take it all to heart!  /Hugs

-Emily   

[Reagan]

I have this CD friend of mine and when she comes to town we usually go out to a club her locally. It's a LGBT club that has drag shows. It's very entertaining. She is a very tall girl probably 6'5" 6'7" with hair and heals and she doesn't care one bit. She dresses to the nines and flaunts it like nobody's business. She gets her makeup professionally done and she looks great. When we get to the club she gets all the looks and she feels that she is the center of attention. Some times people think she is one of the acts.  Anyway my friend has given me a great deal of confidence. Her just knowing and acting like is is the stuff. Sometimes this carries out into the regular public. People will come up to us and start talking to her and tell her how great she looks. So sometimes the people you surround yourself with can give you the extra bit that you need.

Then there are times I just want to blend in to the background. I usually can get away with this pretty well. I'm a taller person at 5'11" so sometimes it's a challenge. I have a very athletic build so I can pull off that soccer mom look pretty well. Know your strengths and weakness and pay on them. That's what cis girls do. Not all of us are super model's so we have to know how to make ourselves look the best we can with what we've got.

[Beverly]

When I was out at a TG club a few months ago though in the Detroit area, we stopped at a gas station and she actually went out to pump gas.  I remember this one guy kept on yelling to her saying "That is a guy, That is a guy" over and over again.

OK - he was a rude redneck, but often did this happen to her? Once a day? Once a week? Once a month? Once a year? Was she very unpassable? Did she have a deep male voice? Was he an ex-friend who wanted to make her life difficult?

What I am saying is you need to have perspective on this. You might have witnessed a rare event and then decided that this is likely to happen to you and then anxiety has inflated it to a possible daily event.

I have had one similar incident in 2 years. I may not be typical or I may be. I have no idea. Maybe I live somewhere tremendously accepting and your friend does not?

All you can do is live your life and judge what happens to you in your environment. Do not let what happens to other people intimidate you unless there is a consistent pattern that you can be sure of. If trans-folk get murdered twice a week in your city then you would be well advised to move because there is a pattern of recurrent violence, but be careful that you do not mistake one or two incidents as being the norm.

Only you can judge it for yourself - I am just saying to be aware of how common or otherwise such things are.

[EmilyMI]

OK - he was a rude redneck, but often did this happen to her? Once a day? Once a week? Once a month? Once a year? Was she very unpassable? Did she have a deep male voice? Was he an ex-friend who wanted to make her life difficult?

What I am saying is you need to have perspective on this. You might have witnessed a rare event and then decided that this is likely to happen to you and then anxiety has inflated it to a possible daily event.

I have had one similar incident in 2 years. I may not be typical or I may be. I have no idea. Maybe I live somewhere tremendously accepting and your friend does not?

All you can do is live your life and judge what happens to you in your environment. Do not let what happens to other people intimidate you unless there is a consistent pattern that you can be sure of. If trans-folk get murdered twice a week in your city then you would be well advised to move because there is a pattern of recurrent violence, but be careful that you do not mistake one or two incidents as being the norm.

Only you can judge it for yourself - I am just saying to be aware of how common or otherwise such things are.

My friend is a Cross Dresser, she does have a pretty hevy voice and IMO does not pass well.  I honestly do not know how often she gets 'clocked' like that since she really only goes out as herself when going to a TG/CD Club. 

When I am out, I will try not to dwell on this too much since I know that eventually something like this will probably happen to me.  I can't let that stop me from being me and just being happy.  I know I am my worst own self critic, trust me I am more then aware of this and something that I do need to work on a lot more and just trust what other say about me being passable NOW - not later.....

Thanks :-D

-Emily

[MariaMx]

I had something very similar happen to me once. I had completely forgotten about it until I read this just now. Just thinking about it makes me angry and depressed. I've always wondered why people do such things. Are they evil, or are they just stupid? What purpose does it serve? Do they not know they are causing pain to others? I just don't get it.

[EmilyMI]

I had something very similar happen to me once. I had completely forgotten about it until I read this just now. Just thinking about it makes me angry and depressed. I've always wondered why people do such things. Are they evil, or are they just stupid? What purpose does it serve? Do they not know they are causing pain to others? I just don't get it.

Both you and me girl, I wish I knew as well.  People, in general, do not think about how this type of ridicule can affect someone in such a negative way.  A lot I think stems from totally being uneducated/ignorant on people who are transgendered. 

[Beverly]

My friend is a Cross Dresser, she does have a pretty hevy voice and IMO does not pass well.  I honestly do not know how often she gets 'clocked' like that since she really only goes out as herself when going to a TG/CD Club. 

Most of the cross-dressers I know are not interested in being women and so they usually project male mannerisms or grossly exaggerated female ones and thus get clocked.

When I am out, I will try not to dwell on this too much since I know that eventually something like this will probably happen to me.

Of course it will. It happens to GGs as well.

I can't let that stop me from being me and just being happy.  I know I am my worst own self critic, trust me I am more then aware of this and something that I do need to work on a lot more and just trust what other say about me being passable NOW - not later.....

How do you know that you are not passable now? You say that "eventually something like this will probably happen to me." which means it is not happening now. In your picture you are very passable.

One other thing to remember is that 'passing' is a temporary thing. At some stage you become female mentally as well as physically and when that happens you define female because you are female. Passing is irrelevant at that point.