A reintroducion of sorts...

[karmatic1110]

Hello All,

Well I have been gone foe a few months for those of you who remember.  Just as HRT was getting close, I freaked out and stopped going to therapy. 

I tried to supress my feelings to save my relationship with my girlfriend and now I wish I hadn't.  The minute I decided that I wanted the relationship more than transition I knew it was the wrong choice.  I immediately noticed the tension and walls that acceptance tore down come up stronger than ever.  I would use a fun night with a friend as an justification that I made the right decision. 

Why do we run from what we need?  I myself wondered this endlessly over the last few days.  If I stuck with it I would have been on HRT as of the 20th, but I suppose I wasn't ready.  I was holding onto a life that I despise because it is all I know.  I need to stop the analizing and just do it (with the guidance of a therapist of course.) 

I suppose I have a lot to work out and I now know I hae other issues that need to be dealt with.  It is not about the rush for HRT, or the run for SRS, but a process.  Even now I question my motives and hope that I can one day look  the mirror and see just me mind, body and soul.

Charlotte 

[Lucy]

Charlotte  , you are still young and there is no rush, take your time and make sure what you are doing is right for you.

Good Luck
LUCY

[karmatic1110]

Thank you Lucy, your response is much appreciated 

Charlotte

[Jillieann Rose]

Charlotte it's so good to hear from you again.
Oh honey your response is normal response fro most people when they face an unknown future.
Do seek the guidance of a therapist as you began again to move forward.  By your action I don't believe you were ready. Please don't beat yourself up for not continuing before it's okay Charlotte.Know you know that isn't the right way to go. And remember you are not alone. We are here for you and will help the best we can.
Don't stay away so long okay?  And don't be afraid to share your feelings. It's good for you and it will help other here too.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[HelenW]

WB, Charlotte!

We all get there in our own time and sometimes it's a good idea to take a step back and ask ourselves if this is the right thing for us to do.

I'm gald you came back and I hope we can help in some small way to get your head around finding your true path.

hugs & smiles
helen

[Robyn]

It's a journey, Charlotte.  We don't all run straight to the finish line.  (Maybe because there is no finish line. )

Welcome home.

Robyn

[karmatic1110]

Thank you everyone who took the time to post.  My internet is out at my house and has been since I moved 3 weeks ago, so I apologize for not posting or responding to topics as much as I would like to. 

Things have been going very well for me as of late.  I started eating healthy again and quit smoking (using the patch) FINALLY!  Now to clean out my car and get the film off of the windows.  I am now living with my brother and his GF who both know my situation and have no issues accepting it so that makes things much easier.  Therapy has been going great for me, which is a rare thing becuase my general dislike of most therapists.  The person I am seeing works very well with me and is extremely knowledgeable as well.

All in all things are very good.  My mother has offered to pay half of whatever the cost of surgery turns out to be which is a huge help.  So I can't complain.  Barring finding a job and starting HRT in the summer I am well on my way! 

I will start posting on a regular basis soon!

Charlotte

[Jillieann Rose]

Oh that is wonderful news Charlotte.
I mean except the part about needing a job that is.
Hope to see more of your posting soon.
Jillieann