Thanks everybody for sharing. I won't start commenting or it would take all day. My own things that I did to avoid who I am:
1) Gave myself a job: understand every person and every thing in the world
2) Gave myself a job: make people stop fighting and start laughing
3) Gave myself a job: make daddy not be so sad any more
4) Gave myself a job: keep mommy from being crazy and wanting to die
5) Gave myself a job: take care of all my own needs so that I'm not a burden on anyone; deny any needs that I can't take care of myself
6) Gave myself a job: take care of my sisters; keep them safe, loved, fed, clothed, educated, entertained, guided, encouraged, protected, accepted.
7) Gave myself a job: always do perfect in school
Gave myself a job: never cry
9) Gave myself a job: never complain
10) Gave myself a job: never ask for anything; never take anything that anyone else has or needs
11) Gave myself a job: make God not hate me
12) Gave myself a job: make people not hate me
13) Gave myself a job: don't attract attention
14) Gave myself a job: don't have an ego
15) Gave myself a job: don't hurt anyone ever
16) Gave myself a job: don't fight
17) Gave myself a job: don't make people think I'm smarter than they are
18) Gave myself a job: become a great artist
19) Gave myself a job: become a great writer
20) Gave myself a job: don't kill myself ever
21) Gave myself a job: don't think about things I cannot change
22) Gave myself a job: take care of my friends
23) Gave myself a job: date girls
24) Forgot 17 years of my life and my entire identity
25) Moved across the country to go to school all alone
26) Gave myself a job: graduate from an ivy league university
27) Gave myself a job: be a perfect Mormon
28) Worked three jobs while going to school full time and serving in church callings and doing volunteer work at school
29) Served an LDS mission
29) Gave myself a job: learn all world religions
30) Learned Spanish, Korean, and Mandarin Chinese.
31) Worked my way through college and sent money home
32) Read at least a book a day
33) Put myself into dangerous situations where my life was on the edge and then saved myself
34) Gave myself a job: figure out how to become wealthy enough to solve the world's problems LOL
35) Gave myself a job: reconcile faith with science with humanity
36) Dropped out of school, moved to a cabin in the woods, and worked in a Mennonite wellness center.
37) Moved home to save my mother's house and business and help my sisters graduate.
38) Taught repressed Mormon girls to believe in themselves and their potential.
38) Helped 26 Mormon girls in a row to find the man they married, immediately after dating me.
39) Taught myself gourmet cooking and flower arranging. Convinced every woman I dated that I was gay! Oops.
40) Taught myself woodworking, car repair, home repairs, astronomy, cosmology, art and music and drama appreciation, classic movies, classic literature, gardening, hiking, nature appreciation, dabble dabble dabble, massage, acupressure, tai chi
41) practiced medication, mindfulness, zen, tantra, running, swimming, climbing, shopping, walking backwards, walking with eyes closed, holding my breathe, fasting, tolerating cold, tolerating pain, tolerating all things
42) collected books, quotes, ideas, tools, experiences, and interesting people
43) tried having sex while staying a virgin
44) discovered sex
45) discovered alcohol
46) nannied for two years for my infant nephew so my sister could finish college
47) worked multiple jobs
48) taught myself computers and all things information technology
49) married; took care of my wife and her every need and whim
50) was a foster parent to two wonderful kids
51) converted recurring depression to an increasingly severe panic disorder instead
52) got therapy to deal with the destructive tapes in my head so that I could keep functioning in all of my roles a while longer
53) ended one marriage and immediately began another
54) always told myself that I was different, that dreams and wishes were for other people, never for me, and focused my whole life on setting stuck people free and helping others to live their dreams.
55) covered my face with moustache and goatee for 25 years; shaved my growing bald patch; wore drab, ill fitting masculine clothes; went from 170 to 290 lbs, and avoided mirrors and looking at or touching myself.
56) monitored myself constantly to masculinize my voice, my language, my expressed interests, my looks, my body language, my walk, my gestures, my touches, my thoughts.
57) literally wiped the idea of crossdressing from my mind for 30 years, telling myself that I had to have GRS in order to wear women's clothing.
58) developed an allergic reaction to men's underwear, so that I had a 'health reason' to underdress.
That's a few of my favorite ones! So glad I don't have to try to maintain all of that any more. Still cleaning up the wreckage from a lifetime of self-neglect.
