Being gay and being trans

[dalebert]

lol, I'm so guilty of thinking the bigger/taller/broader the guy is the more heat he's packing (which in my experience is actually true) .

Of the many guys I've dated, I've hardly seen any correlation. I dated a guy 6'5 once and his was right about average (6" or so). Meanwhile, I recall a Latino who was about my height and he was ginormous.

[Ave]

Of the many guys I've dated, I've hardly seen any correlation. I dated a guy 6'5 once and his was right about average (6" or so). Meanwhile, I recall a Latino who was about my height and he was ginormous.

For shame, as a gay guy you should know latinos don't count, they're outliers .

[dalebert]

For shame, as a gay guy you should know latinos don't count, they're outliers .

How silly of me.

[sneakersjay]

I waited until I was through transition to date.  Transition is awkward, there are a lot of changes, most physical but you'd be surprised how much you change in other ways as well.  I am still me, but I am definitely not the same as I was pre-transition if you exclude gender.

There are gay men who don't care about penis size and who may be open to complementary anatomy so to speak.  Yes, there are a lot of superficial gay men, and lots are into size, etc.  But there are others who like men, as men, and the size doesn't matter.

Dating sucks for everyone.  It is a tricky thing to navigate when you are in an ideal place in your life; it is much trickier navigating the whole non-standard body thing.

For me, the only way to navigate it was to at least look male, and hope I'd find someone who was for real and not superficial, and not care.  I did.

Jay

[BrendanIsQueer]

I, personally, am totally open to dating another trans man. The possibility of the sexual part of the relationship being a tad frustrating stands out, but honestly the emotional connection is what matters more to me. And if that part went well, I'm sure he and I would find a way to evolve our relationship into something sexual. In fact, I wonder if it would work out even better with another trans, compared to a cis guy? Maybe we would be able to connect better emotionally? I'm not too sure, but it really doesn't matter to me what's downstairs.

But, I'm gonna stick it out for now and focus on working on my life. I admit in my last relationship, I ended because I do need to work on myself. I'm almost done with school, and I can't get distracted with that, or I'll never finish. I want to lose weight, and honestly when I have someone, all I want to do is lay around all day and cuddle with him in bed; and that doesn't exactly promote a healthy lifestyle. Heh. As well as get on track with beginning counseling and hopefully start on T sometime within this next year.
Yes, I think I should focus on that, and strengthening my relationship with my family- I feel our bonds have weakened over the past year, and I really want to fix that. I have a lot on my plate, but I'm not gonna lie. I just get really lonely in ways that someone who is just a friend couldn't satisfy.

[ChaoticTribe]

That last part seems odd to me. It seems to me that in a perfect world, half the gay men would have penises and half would have... shall we way, complimentary genitals. I realize this is kind of delicate ground to tread. The subject apparently triggers dysphoria for a lot of guys. I apologize in advance for that. I've often said that genitals have never been what defines my gayness. I'm attracted to men, always have been, and I've often said it's never been about their junk for me. To be completely honest though, I think trans men are more appealing than cis men in that particular department (assuming it's not a significant source of dyshporia for them, of course). I'm surprised more cis guys don't feel that way.

Don't get me wrong, I wish more of them felt that way, truly I do, especially since there are way more gay men than trans men and that would leave a lot more dating options. I think it would help a lot for transmen to become more publicly visible since right now, believe it or not, many guys don't even know they exist.

[ChaoticTribe]

Of the many guys I've dated, I've hardly seen any correlation. I dated a guy 6'5 once and his was right about average (6" or so). Meanwhile, I recall a Latino who was about my height and he was ginormous.

I absolutely love latino guys, they tend to have the type of noses I find really attractive. Only been with one though but he was also gifted in that department.

[anibioman]

just saying height has very little to do with penis size which is why being a short cis guy is good because then your dick looks bigger in relation to their body.

[dalebert]

just saying height has very little to do with penis size which is why being a short cis guy is good because then your dick looks bigger in relation to their body.

To a certain extent, being shorter makes everything look bigger. My first boyfriend said he liked the proportions on short guys, like when they work out, they get that relatively wide/broad-shouldered look. Tall guys can get it, but it's harder. I used to have a strong preference for tall guys but now I'm pretty neutral. One thing I've noticed is that shorter guys look better naked, generally. I think it has something to do with those proportions my boyfriend talked about. Tall guys often look better in clothes--their bodies are like a hanger. But get the clothes off and they can tend  to look lanky and disproportionate.

I think this is why there are a LOT of short guys in porn.

[dalebert]

Don't get me wrong, I wish more of them felt that way, truly I do, especially since there are way more gay men than trans men and that would leave a lot more dating options. I think it would help a lot for transmen to become more publicly visible since right now, believe it or not, many guys don't even know they exist.

I didn't mean to direct that at you. Your statement just raised the subject for me. I think we essentially agree. I think there is a very irrational taboo behind this reaction that gay guys have. I am pretty confident that many of them will outgrow this in time, or at least that younger generations will not have it like older generations seem to. It all seems to be tied in with this notion of gender being so directly defined by genitals and people are learning that gender is a spectrum and most of gender, most of the things that make us attracted to certain people, are not about their genitals. I know for me, I was getting crushes on guys before I was giving nary a thought to what was down there. I was initially put off by traditional guy junk and grew to like it only because that's what happened to be part of the people I was attracted to. I realized I developed my own irrational taboo around girl junk for the same reason--because in my mind, it was so thoroughly associated with the gender that I was never attracted to and could not perceive of in a sexual way (yes, I had full-on vaginaphobia, a word I just made up). Once it thoroughly sunk in for me that gender is really 99% about all the other stuph, my taboos and my phobia faded. I'm sure that can happen for other guys as they get educated about gender issues.

[Natkat]

speaking for myself,

I get bottom dyshoria with someone who dont like it, but if people dont care I dont care either.
in a way I find transguys actually to be more hot than regular (sure it all depend on the person)
I am bisexual so I cant speak for the "only gay line" But I do think a guy without bottom dyshoria or bottom surgery is pretty hot and better than cisguys, because.. honestly.. d**s are okay.. Vjay are better and less a mess, dosent matter if its a man or a woman we talk about.

I heard a couple of bi and gay guys, who said the same they where into me being trans when I told them, like that they actually found it pretty hot. I dont think its nessesarry the part who deside, its more about trust and fitting together. as already mention I do know transmen in relationship with cis gay guys.
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I think one of the big issue of it is that first of all,

1, transmen is kinda unnoticed compared to transwomen,
transwomen had (because of porn) always been kinda attractive of certain men and they always been more on the focus, I belive transmen havent got as much attention for diffrent point, both because trans women in history have been more noticeable, and also because porn are more for men than women, and most men are straight and like girls bla bla..
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2, the other point is the whole taboo thing,
its really big taboo to say you got something for trans people whatever your gay or straight, or trans.
your to be looked on as a pervert, or as a ->-bleeped-<- chaiser. which kinda make the line between "us, and the perverts" and I also think its kinda troublesome.

people preferns alot of diffrent things, but a guy wont get any critizim for being attracted to a skinny girl, even if shes very skinny, if he is attracted to a fat girl, he will get alot of prejugdes that he has fetish for fat people and like to feed them up or general hes just wierd (you see the point? its the same for transguys)

3, the last thing is that usunally the gay people had to prove themself that there diffently gay. and I think theres pretty much taboo, you see for bisexuals how gay guys dont want to date them because "ew they eated down at the wrong place" sadly those kind of prejugdes are there and they also go for transguys..

4, last is dyshoria, it really kills all the sexness I think.
I see alot of transguys who are extremly hot, but because of dyshoria its kinda hard to make a move,
as well theres also cisgender people who are concerned about there body where its the same issue.
I think its both harder for the person who got it and the other part who wanna do a move, but if you trust each other it can work out.
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Daim I hope someone can read this,
I wrotte pretty fast here.. XD

[dalebert]

...because.. honestly.. d**s are okay.. Vjay are better and less a mess

Mess? Now I'm having bottom dysphoria.

[Natkat]

Mess? Now I'm having bottom dysphoria.

mess like.. uhm.. how to explain without sounding nasty?
im not a big fan of cum,
and I dont like when they shot there louds and it gets everywhere. its like when you have an incect and then out of sudden you notice it can fly.

[BrendanIsQueer]

Ah, yes. The dysphoria that comes along with trans people can become a mess- I would know, I have a lot of that myself! It certainly would make me shy away from dating a trans, mostly because it can become troublesome to have two doses of that dysphoria going on at once! Not that that would completely turn me away from dating another trans, as I said before, it doesn't matter to me. What matters is that the puzzle pieces fit upstairs, not downstairs.

I really do want to thank everyone who has posted on here. For so long I've been troubled with this, and felt completely alone because I didn't know anyone in my shoes. I kind of feel like that about this entire site in general. After coming out for the second time (a long story that involves me going back into the closet), I've felt very insecure about myself- more than the usual. You folks are giving me a lot of hope for myself and my transition! And helping me during the process, too. I know we just met, but I think I love you guys <3 Aha.   

[ChaoticTribe]

Glad the convo is helping

And wow hehe I actually prefer the male genitals to female ones. Guess it depends on what you consider a mess. Cum only happens at certain times and to me it's pleasant but like moisture.. stuff like that... not my thing.

One of the things I sincerely hope is for more and.more transguys in porn. Once men see them, and sven a niche market sees how hot they are, that will go a long way. Some people get offended by 'perverts' or 'fetishizers' but hey I have preferences: men, latinos, noses like Jon Bernthals, and I am not a pervert or anything. Why WOULDN'T. Someone want to be the ultimate sexiest and most desirable lover to their partner?

I have dysphoria while waiting on bottom surgery, but having people more open to transmen sexually will also make them seem more a possibility for romantic partners, which will benefit preop, postop, and nonop transmen. I really do hope that comes to be.

[Natkat]

I know we just met, but I think I love you guys <3 Aha.   

aww <3
--
ChaoticTribe
Hmm... well maybe its cause cum gives me more dyshoria than anything ells. I compare it to bad things like pregnacy (and STD), whos like my top 10 fear, even when im all safe I still think of it as poisen.
I dont mind transguys who do get pregnant or women who do,
but I really couldnt do it and I can hardly hug a pregnant women without having thought of an alien gonna jump out of her stomack and attact me (kind of felling),
if cum didnt had that abilaty I probably wouldn't compare it to all the "male female getting babys things you learn in school and make you wanna vomit" and get dyshoria about it so I guess I wouldnt mind as much but sadly it dose + it taste kinda nasty..

I hope nobody feel too offended by my decribtion, on the positive site im lucky that I beside that dont have much dyshoria. I dont have to deal with the top anymore since surgery, and bottom dyshoria is a matter of trust for me.
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more transporn is nice, yes, just not mastrubation porn where you only see the genetalia..

I agree on you, I think its alittle harsh to just jugde someone like this, I must admit I have done the same thought.
but I also understand the critizism because I have had a couple of those ->-bleeped-<--chacers after me and some of them can be REALLY ANNOYING.
if you like sex its totally cool, but some of them are VERY ignorant. they only view you as a sexobject for there dark sexual fantasy nobody should know about.
and it can be pretty disturbing if your not nessesarry just for sex but you actually want a "person to person get to know each other" line.

I think people who are into the trans thing, but you can talk to are cool, but those who got you like a dirty fantasy are only for hook ups and nothing more. and in general if they dont show a certain respect then there not worth anything.

(daim I sound so evil in this post)

[Ave]

To a certain extent, being shorter makes everything look bigger. My first boyfriend said he liked the proportions on short guys, like when they work out, they get that relatively wide/broad-shouldered look. Tall guys can get it, but it's harder. I used to have a strong preference for tall guys but now I'm pretty neutral. One thing I've noticed is that shorter guys look better naked, generally. I think it has something to do with those proportions my boyfriend talked about. Tall guys often look better in clothes--their bodies are like a hanger. But get the clothes off and they can tend  to look lanky and disproportionate.

I think this is why there are a LOT of short guys in porn.

yup there are a lot of short guys in porn. No shorties for me though, I just mentally relate height to masculinity and masculinity=good so (of course it's just my thinking, ).

[dalebert]

(daim I sound so evil in this post)

No, you don't. I was just kidding about your post causing me dysphoria.

[supremecatoverlord]

yup there are a lot of short guys in porn. No shorties for me though, I just mentally relate height to masculinity and masculinity=good so (of course it's just my thinking, ).

It's people like you that make guys insecure about their height.
This is just totally unnecessary, joking or not.

[Ave]

It's people like you that make guys insecure about their height.
This is just totally unnecessary, joking or not.

Let me say that again for you: "Of course, it's just MY thinking"

Am I going to hookup with any ftm's who read this? No, it's not my bag and I probably wouldn't be theirs. By saying it's MY thinking I hoped to make it clear enough that I held that certain view, but that I only spoke for myself.

And honestly, are you saying I have to be all inclusive about the guys I deal with? Who I deal with is something that should concern me, and I'm sure short guys (FTM or no) know enough that my opinion doesn't say squat about them because I'm not the Overlord Supreme of the world.