How do I help my parents, especially mom?

[anita]

Hi friends,

   I came out to my parents a few months, ago. I've gone with them to several therapists (5), my primary
psychologists and doctors who they found in NIMHANS (National Institute of Mental Health And Neuro Sciences);
everyone trying to persuade them. But my parents feel they are not taking the effort to check if I am
actually transsexual. Recently, I've told them, I'm about to start HRT, my mom has become more
upset, and getting depressed. I've shown numerous videos, articles etc, but doesn't seem to really help.

  They are both doctors (surgeon and dermatologist) by profession, so awareness of risks that come in
any medication intervention is troubling them too. Also we come from a very orthodox community, which
also is possibly a set back.

Please help!

[Rita]

Give them time, only thing I can say.  The shocks going to last a while, as well as the denial but it seems like your parents are not actively trying to extradite you from their life.

If they care as much as I think they will eventually get it.  As for medical concerns its understandable.  I don't plan on telling my parents the risk factors.

[Arch]

The ball is in their court. They are both educated people, medical professionals. You have provided all sorts of literature and videos. You've even taken them to therapy. Now it is up to them. As Rita says, they need time.

For reasons that I don't fully understand, our transitions are hard on parents. Some of us will slow down to keep our loved ones from completely freaking out, but many of us get to the point where we must live for ourselves and take steps as soon as possible. So perhaps you should simply live your own life, as kindly as possible, regardless of how others feel about what you're doing--and let them go through their own process. You've done your bit to educate them; now let them acclimate.

If your current course--that is, transition--makes you happier, and if they can see that, perhaps this evidence will begin to persuade them that you are on the right path. But all of this takes time.

Unless, of course, you want to go back to being the person they want you to be. I'm guessing that this isn't a reasonable option.

[Elsa]

knowing Indian parents I would say you were lucky to have gotten so far...

but if they have gotten so far and if they as supportive as they seem and as smart as they are am sure they would eventually come around.

all you can do now is continue on the path that makes you happy whatever it may be.

But what you want to do is really up to you.

[anita]

I had a long talk with my mom again on phone yesterday, Going home tomorrow. Hoping for the best.

I learned a few things. Do not talk about SRS, (Well I didn't, last doctor, scaring them even more, so tell
your doctor to try not to mention in group therapy, unless it comes up.)

-Anita

[Rita]

while this forum is public(for good reason, or none of us would be here) I don't plan on divulging most of the facts of my transition with anyone else.  Some of which I have no problem talking about here because most people who view this forum are in the same banana boat.

KISS principle seems to be best~   And doctors should understand that as well, if they want to scare you do it in private =P  My argument seems for naught though since your parents are doctors....

My head is fizzing out on options, and it might explode.