'Collateral Damage' in the LGBT Community:
Straight Spouses, Still in the Darkest Corner of the Closet
Posted: 09/20/2012 1:19 pm
By: Amity P Buxton, Co-author, 'Unseen-Unheard: Journey of Straight Spouses'; founder, Straight Spouse Networkhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/amity-p-buxton/collateral-damage-in-the-lgbt-community-straight-spouses_b_1900765.htmlTucked in a corner of the lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender closet is a little-known group: straight women and men in heterosexual marriages whose husbands or wives come out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender after marrying them as "the right thing to do." Finding the marriages too difficult to maintain due to their hidden sexual orientation or gender identity, they eventually say, "Honey, I'm gay," or, "I need to become the woman or man I am," or their mates discover signs of a same-sex lover or an opposite-gender wardrobe. Though some couples work out ways to stay together, most divorce, their children now in a broken family. As divorced LGBT partners begin to live their lives with integrity, their straight ex-partners are left in shock, their own identity, integrity, and belief system shattered. The spotlight on the disclosing partners, few outsiders think about their wives or husbands. "They're straight! They're normal. No problem."
Lately, many people -- of all orientations -- say to me, "Oh, this doesn't happen nearly as often now, right?" Wrong.
The good news is that most spouses gradually become triumphantly self-confident. Many gain understanding of why their mates married them, and a number, like me, become LGBT equality activists.
