Calling all parents: did you have to tell the police about your transition?

[Carlita]

My wife told me over the weekend that she had been informed by someone she described as a consultant (not the medical kind I think) that anyone who transitions and who has children is advised to inform the police, so that their kids can be protected from the bullying they are bound to receive once people find out their dad is getting what's generally called "a sex change".

Of course, the idea that my son might suffer so much harm because of something I did that he needed police protection was incredibly upsetting - which, I guess was the point. My wife will do or say anything to stop me transitioning ... she's just terrified and can't see any good in this for her whether I transition or not ... but anyway ...

I'd never previously heard about this whole police business on any forum or from any doctor/shrink. Is there any truth in it at all? Did any other ladies have to do this? And is it possible to transition without ones children suffering physical or verbal abuse as a result?

[suzifrommd]

And is it possible to transition without ones children suffering physical or verbal abuse as a result?

Absolutely impossible for any parent, whether transitioning or merely cis, to protect their children from all verbal slights that might come their way.

Children (and adults) can be cruel and are very often thoughtless. They haven't developed the filter between their mouths and their brains, so "I heard your dad wears dresses" is more likely to pop out of a young mouth than an older one.

Of course for children with no family member transitioning, the same thing can happen. "Your dad was arrested for drunk driving." "I heard your mom can't stand your dad." "How can you drive that old ugly car?" etc.

Nothing parents can do can stop this, but you can give your kid the emotional and social tools to deal with them.

Going to the police sounds ridiculous. What would they do? Probably not a bad idea to have a chat with your kid's guidance counselor or school administrators, who can keep an ear out for any problems and intervene if needed.

[Nicolette]

I read emotional blackmail. She's not happy about your transition, is she? She must be having you on. I don't have kids, but I've never heard of this.

[Beverly]

My wife told me over the weekend that she had been informed by someone she described as a consultant (not the medical kind I think) that anyone who transitions and who has children is advised to inform the police, so that their kids can be protected from the bullying they are bound to receive once people find out their dad is getting what's generally called "a sex change".

What a load of cobblers. I live in the UK, I mix with a LOT of trans people. Our meetings are regularly attended by the local police because they want to understand and be sensitive to our issues. The local police are great, really good. Not once have they ever come remotely close to suggesting that we need to inform them about stuff like this. If bullying occurs then that is an issue that is dealt with.

Of course, the idea that my son might suffer so much harm because of something I did that he needed police protection was incredibly upsetting - which, I guess was the point. My wife will do or say anything to stop me transitioning ... she's just terrified and can't see any good in this for her whether I transition or not ... but anyway ...

Tell your wife that the consultant in question (if he/she exists at all) has no idea what they are talking about.

I'd never previously heard about this whole police business on any forum or from any doctor/shrink. Is there any truth in it at all? Did any other ladies have to do this? And is it possible to transition without ones children suffering physical or verbal abuse as a result?

I have two kids and they have told their friends and they get no abuse. One of my kids even came to 'Sparkle' a big trans event that was held in the summer. The cops were there too and even had a stall so that trans people could  meet them and ask questions and sort out any issues.

Maybe point out to your wife that none of you are obliged to mention that you are trans. You do not have to hang a sign outside advertising the fact and the early stages of the transition result in changes that most people fail to notice. Your kids do not have to tell anyone so why should they get bullied?

[Carlita]

Thanks for the reassurance, ladies. I think the whole thing was invented, but it's very telling, not least because it makes me think we won't be able to form a united front, in terms of informing the kids, explaining everything, letting them known that they are still deeply loved and that I will still be their parent and still be there for them ... and maybe I'll be a better parent for being true to myself, who knows?

[Rita]

Its all invented, I mean that's like calling up the cops and telling them your gay.  They might say O_O CONGRATS or something but what are they gonna do stalk you to make sure no one beats you up xD?

[Carlita]

Its all invented, I mean that's like calling up the cops and telling them your gay.  They might say O_O CONGRATS or something but what are they gonna do stalk you to make sure no one beats you up xD?

Good point, very well made!