How do I know if I'm TG?

[maxi]

First off let me say thanks to everyone.  I found this forum when I didn't have anywhere else to turn.  I have so many questions, and I'm confused about so much, so I'm just gonna spill it all out there and see what happens.  I apologzie in advance because I have a lot of questions.

I think I'm a MTF transgendered person, but I don't know how to tell for sure.  Last year, I started opening up to my female self.  So many walls that I had built around my heart opened, and I started feeling like a real person again.  The only problem I'm having is extremely low self-esteem.  I was lucky enough to be graced with a mostly androgynous body, so its not terribly hard for me to pass as female, except for one problem:  I'm 6'1" tall.  And that voice in the back of my mind keeps screaming at me that I'll never be a girl cause I'm too tall.  Sometimes I feel okay about myself, but then other times I see some trans girls who are so beautiful that it takes my breath away with envy.  Am I really too tall, or is it just low self-esteem talking?

Is there any advice you can give me on finding out if I'm really trans or not?  I know that no one can tell me and I have to discovered it on my own, but for instance, how did you finally know for sure?

I'm having trouble covering my beard area.  Someday I may get electrolysis, but until that day, are there any makeup tips you may have for me?

Thanks everybody!

[MeganRose]

Hi maxi .

First, let me just say one thing: NO, YOU ARE NOT TOO TALL! In my experience at least, passing as female does not have anything at all to do with how tall you are. I'm 6'5", and people seem to have no trouble accepting me as female, even if I'm wearing over-the-top heels. If you look confident as a woman, then people are so much more willing to accept you as a woman.

But if this isn't something you are certain about, the best advice I could give is get an appointment with a therapist experienced with gender issues. Having someone to talk through everything with could be a very big help for you to work out exactly what it is that you need. It helped me a lot.

Hope you enjoy your stay here,

Megan

[Kate]

I'd like to echo what Megan said...

Height isn't a barrier. I'm 6'2", and once shared your fears and insecurities about it... and asked the exact same questions here.

I've learned it's no big deal. Honestly. If you're comfortable with yourself, you'll be OK. That takes time, and it's something I'm struggling with at the moment - being in the middle of transitioning and not really fulltime. But I've walked into Walmart, total male mode, dripping wet from the rain... and been "clocked" as a female, lol. So that gives me hope

For what it's worth, my coworker (woman) across the hall is 6'0". Her daughters are 6'2" and 6'1"... and probably not done growing yet.

As for knowing... that's a tricky one. Like Megan said, the best idea is to find a therapist qualified in diagnosing GID. But still, in the end, YOU have to know it in your heart and soul. Or better said - ACCEPT it.

A GREAT book to read on this is called, "True Selves." It's probably THE best and most widely-read primer on the subject. One of the nice things is it's sprinkled with stories and experiences of other TSs, so if you find yourself constantly shouting ME TOO!!! while reading it, wellllll.... there's a clue, lol.

~Kate~

[Casey]

Hi maxi, welcome to Susan's.

Although I'm certain I'm not TS, I'm in the same boat you are right now. Just two weeks ago I *knew* I was an androgyne. Now, I honestly don't know. So I'm just taking it back to the things I'm certain of. I know I have softer emotions that I was taught to believe boys don't have. I know I feel better about myself and I feel less stress when I let myself feel those emotions when I feel them. I know I'm not Steve Studley, and I know I don't feel comfortable trying to be that way for too long. I know that my approach to many things is more androgynous than stereotypically male or stereotypically female.

So does that make me an androgyne or an androgynous man? I don't know. But you know what's helping right now? It really doesn't matter to me which I am, I'm still me and I plan on always being me. Without that pressure to know what I am, I'm not so worried about the bits I'm unsure of. That will come.

Take things back to what you're certain of. Give yourself credit for opening those walls you built around your heart. I know the word is overused (and sometimes misused) but it takes courage to open them. They weren't built on a whim. Opening them can be very risky and scary. But you did it. And keep giving yourself credit as you keep opening them. It's a process, and it takes courage to keep moving forward to where you want to be.

The things you aren't certain of will come in time. I know what it's like to feel like a person again after a long time of... well, not feeling like a person. Take some time and get to know who you are. That should help alleviate the pressure of *being* something. You'll be who you are, and it will turn into a search for the word you call somebody like you. As I like to put it, it becomes a search for an adjective rather than a label.

I like Megan's suggestion of finding a therapist. I also know what it's like to have extremely low self-esteem. (I used to say I had zero self-esteem, and then I'd laugh before I could beat myself up for making it sound like I was important enough to have a self-esteem that low. LOL) In my experience, and talking with others, extremely low self-esteem doesn't just happen. A good therapist can help you work on those issues and help you begin to see yourself in a different light. I know part of my self-esteem problems stemmed from the fact that I felt like a freak because I felt different than the other boys when I was growing up. Even if your self-esteem isn't connected to transgender issues, it's a stumbling block to being the real you, and a therapist who specializes in gender issues can help you work on that, too.

By the way, I'm only an inch shorter than you. Don't let your height stop you. Unfortunately I don't know what to tell you about covering your beard, but there are plenty of people here who can give you good advice.

[Kate]

I'm having trouble covering my beard area.  Someday I may get electrolysis, but until that day, are there any makeup tips you may have for me?

DermaBlend. The secret weapon of drag queens everywhere. Available in most high-end drugstore sections. It's meant to cover scars. It works well, but it's not much fun, as it's VERY thick.

Still, if you follow the directions (esp using powder), it looks great when done right. Just FEELS awful after a few hours.

You can also try yellowish concealer too (under the makeup)... the yellow helps cancel out the blueish beard shadow.

~Kate~

[gennee]

I found that I was transgender shortly after I admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser. In my case it fit like a glove. I feel completed as a result. I have embraced it as a part of me and am so happy that I did. I am also androgyne. I feel comfortable as either feminine or masculine. If people see me as one or the other, I'm comfortable with that.

Gennee

[seldom]

First off let me say thanks to everyone.  I found this forum when I didn't have anywhere else to turn.  I have so many questions, and I'm confused about so much, so I'm just gonna spill it all out there and see what happens.  I apologzie in advance because I have a lot of questions.

I think I'm a MTF transgendered person, but I don't know how to tell for sure.  Last year, I started opening up to my female self.  So many walls that I had built around my heart opened, and I started feeling like a real person again.  The only problem I'm having is extremely low self-esteem.  I was lucky enough to be graced with a mostly androgynous body, so its not terribly hard for me to pass as female, except for one problem:  I'm 6'1" tall.  And that voice in the back of my mind keeps screaming at me that I'll never be a girl cause I'm too tall.  Sometimes I feel okay about myself, but then other times I see some trans girls who are so beautiful that it takes my breath away with envy.  Am I really too tall, or is it just low self-esteem talking?

Is there any advice you can give me on finding out if I'm really trans or not?  I know that no one can tell me and I have to discovered it on my own, but for instance, how did you finally know for sure?

I'm having trouble covering my beard area.  Someday I may get electrolysis, but until that day, are there any makeup tips you may have for me?

Thanks everybody!

The most passable TS woman I know is 6'2".  Don't worry about height! 
Frame does help with regards to passing (but that is bone structure, not height).
Honestly self confidence issues are part of my part of being transgendered, so don't worry. 

If you are having self confidence issues and gender identity issues I highly suggest you see a therapist with a focus on gender identity. 

[Tak]

6'1" isn't too tall. I'm the same height and it doesn't really affect my confidence about my femininity. Be concerned about the things you CAN change, not the things you can't.

I can't give an answer on how I finally knew for sure, cause I always did. I'm not saying I suppressed some part of myself for years and years and rediscovered it, I always knew and thought it was impossible for me to do anything about it due a severe lack of information on the matter.

Anyhow, even though I always knew, a very warming confirmation came from telling my sister and having her laugh about it. Not laugh in a "you've got to be joking" way, laugh in a "oh god, that's so obvious now that you say it out loud, why didn't I call you on this before?" way.

[Lucy]

I might as well echo every one on this your hight is not a problem I know many GG that are taller that you. As far as knowing if you are TS well like you said only you can awnser that. I knew at the age of 8 there was somthing wrong with me and didnt realise untill I was 15 that I was born into the wrong body. Getting yourself a good theropist one that works with gender issues is preferable but not essential. They will hep you through your issues and point you in the right direction.

Good Luck

Lucy

[cindianna_jones]

When you find yourself going to work in a skirt... you'll definitely know!  If you've got it, it will push you like nothing you have ever experienced before in your life.

I'm also tall.

Cindi

[LostInTime]

Hiya!

As for who you are inside, that is for you to discover but we are here to lend a hand to help you along, a shoulder to cry on, and a voice to share your triumphs. The best thing to do would be to find a therapist who is well versed with gender issues and to be really, really honest with that person. Keep an open mind and see where your journey may take you.

I am almost six feet tall and I usually wear heel, sometimes up to 3.5" (only because I cannot afford some big, gothy platfom, thigh high boots, but I am working on it) and usually do not have any issues.

As for beard cover, find a nice heavy duty theatre coverup that matches your skin tone. You will need a makeup remover to get rid of it at the end of the day and you will need to use a sealer or you will leave traces of it here and there on clothes and people. YMMV and I am sure others would know better than I on that topic.

Again, welcome aboard.

LIT

[Melissa]

I started a couple topics on some of these very subjects.  Here's the links:

Regarding Height:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,6185.0.html

Regarding hiding the facial hair:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,5478.0.html

[Shana A]

When you find yourself going to work in a skirt... you'll definitely know! 

When you get fired because of wearing the skirt to work  (been there, done that)

Really though, you'll just know. Best of luck figuring it out!

zythyra

[Melissa]

When you find yourself going to work in a skirt... you'll definitely know! 

When you get fired because of wearing the skirt to work  (been there, done that)

Hmm, I've never been fired for wearing skirts to work.  Does that mean I'm not TG?

[Shana A]

Hmm, I've never been fired for wearing skirts to work.  Does that mean I'm not TG?

You probably qualify

I personally could've done without getting fired for wearing skirts. They were nice tasteful skirts, beautiful colors, matched the rest of my outfit 


zythyra

[Ms Bev]

Is there any advice you can give me on finding out if I'm really trans or not?  I know that no one can tell me and I have to discovered it on my own, but for instance, how did you finally know for sure?

Like Cindi says, if you are, you'll know.  It will push you.  It's pushing you now......why else would you be here?
About the tall, and the beautiful part.................don't worry about it.  The whole point....all of it....is about making your outside match your inside.  So, like any other gg, you have the potential to be pretty, or plain, tall, or short.  If you're mtf, what you need is relief, not beauty contest ribbons.

Bev

[Mattie]

Oh my goodness, I think I know exactly how you feel...except for the being tall part (I'm only 5'7").  I built up walls around me as well, though for reasons other than hiding femininity as it never seemed to be an issue until recently.  But I know the uncertainty you are feeling.  I found myself after identifying as male for the longest time suddenly questioning that fact.  But without any certain conviction, its hard to come to a decision.  Talking to a therapist is a wonderful idea. 

As for beard cover, I don't really know what to say apart from what's already been said.  I never felt the need to hide mine before so I don't know what to do about that either. 

[cindianna_jones]

As for beard cover, I don't really know what to say apart from what's already been said.  I never felt the need to hide mine before so I don't know what to do about that either. 

Get it removed.  You don't need any doctor or therapist recommendations. You don't need any legal papers. All you need is money to pay for it.

Cindi

[ShyGothGirl]

Yeah I know a bajillion people already prolly said a bunch of this but, just thought I'd make myself useful lol... I been lurkin here for like an hour...

The only problem I'm having is extremely low self-esteem. 

I've think we've all dealt with our own bouts of low self-esteem and doubt and, though it may not help, the biggest thing to bear in mind is that you're beautiful, just the way God intended. (if you believe that sort of thing not here to press my religion hehehe)

I'm 6'1" tall.  And that voice in the back of my mind keeps screaming at me that I'll never be a girl cause I'm too tall.  ........ Am I really too tall, or is it just low self-esteem talking?

You are definitely not too tall. One of a girl's most powerful weapons against gettin' clocked is confidence, and maybe an ensemble that flatters your more feminine features hehehe... Heck, I am 6' 2" in my 4" heels and you know what that means? I not only get more attention than the other girls, but if I am showing off my VERY long legs, I definitely get alot of lovely looks hehehe... Use your height to your advantage, it's not a disadvantage... just show em style and class and all the cuties will be eyeing ya rofl

Is there any advice you can give me on finding out if I'm really trans or not?  I know that no one can tell me and I have to discovered it on my own, but for instance, how did you finally know for sure?

As for me, I have always been and acted very femme, before I ever really knew or cared what "femme" was, I just knew I was a little different. Now, I have read and read and read up on trans, and some people are born into it (like me), for some people it manifests a bit later (usually around adolescence), and still others far later on in life... for some people it sets in fast and hard, others it creeps up on them, and yet, there's still others where it sits in limbo somewhere in the middle (sometimes forever)...

I guess the only advice I can give is, talk talk talk, especially on forums like this, where ya can go back and re-evaluate yourself and your responses... and BIG ONE, talk to a therapist, one that specializes in gender issues is probably best, but I think any therapist would be a good start, just an unbiased ear to hear you out ya know?

I'm having trouble covering my beard area.  Someday I may get electrolysis, but until that day, are there any makeup tips you may have for me?

I think Kate already covered this, but there are a few ways to do this.... one is the thick, cake on make up... I hate that stuff, but it works if you can tolerate the five-puond weight on your face (LOL exaggerating, but it is annoying)....

I use a yellow/orange tinted corrector with a damp wedge and slowly add more and more till the blueness evens out some, then I use a liquid foundation just a hair lighter than my complexion to blend it (don't forget under your jawline and neck hehee)... A good finishing touch to any makeup is a good loose powder that will help everything kind of "set" and gives a nice, smooth, blended matte finished look... my sister's a makeup consultant and does make-overs, lol

Still, another thing I use from time to time when I feel brave is my Epilator... (yeah, owwwww, but it keeps me hair and root free for like 3 weeks, give or take a few days) essentially what it does is acts like a billion little tweezers and pulls the hair out, root and all... not the best feeling....

STILL, one more thing I just ordered just to try it out cuz a friend recommended (yes, a trusted friend ) is this stuff called MOOM for Men, apparently it works just like waxing, but a lot less pain (notice I didn't say NO pain, just less). Here's the site I ordered from, I will let you know if it really works or if it's another gimmick....

http://www.thebreastformstore.com/moom-hair-removal-starter.aspx

Thanks everybody!

HEHEHEHEHE Love trying to help, I hope this did some

*Hugs*

[Jezzy~]

Wow!

  I just wanted 2 say I am so encouraged by the people on this forum. I have a very special story of my own and I would like 2 share it with you all if thats okay. My heart is racing a bit but plz, would love to hear from everyone who has a thought or comment.
  Well Ill try 2 be somewhat brief lol except I might fail but I will try. My special story started about 7 yrs. ago when I went 2 a Pkmn website at age 23. I have always been into anime and ki'ds show. In the chat area, I thought it would be fun 2 pretend 2 be a female, just 4 fun. So I took on the persona of one of the female chars from the show. Long story short,
I discovered on that day a 'hidden me'...someone deep inside I didnt know existed. Someone very caring and loving, extremely open and not held down by the conventions that society places on a 'man being a man'.
   Ever since, I have been living this double life. Male in RL, but female over the internet. And Ive met so many wonderful ppl and had so many unbelievable experiences and friendships as this second persona. It's never been hard....this girl I am on online is really me! The real me, the one I dont have 2 hide over the net like I have 2 hide in real person.
   Lately, I have had many tear-filled moments....sometimes about things I cant put my finger on. That is, until 2 close friends on the net said something 2 me. The first, a guy Ive been seeing as a bf and a wonderful person, said he cares for me so much that if it didnt freak me he confessed he wants 2 fly from a country in europe to meet me. Trust me, his motives are just right because I know how much he cares for me. The second friend made a comment the other day 'you know, you'd make such a good friend in RL too". So I hugged myself and I cried and realized what has been wrong. My online personality is who I am, and I didnt know what 2 do! I have a male body but my heart is different. Hope this makes sense!
   And Ive noticed little things....I love 2 shop! And I love scented candles, and my heart breaks whenever anyone has hardship. Also, I find myself looking at my hands and wondering how good they might look in this color or that color nail polish. OH and unbelievable I look at my hairy body and get grossed out. Started um trimming my body hair significantly.
That might sound weird, but Im also losing interest in sports and find that Im happiest when I am at my comp chatting online as a woman.
   So theres more but thats fine I think. Thank u all 4 listening 2 my story as I begin 2 unravel the prospects that maybe one day my exterior will match the emotions and over-sized heart on the interior. TY so much 4 giving me a forum and plz advise or share in anyway u like.

Jezzy~