What made you unhappy today? v2.0

[suzifrommd]

Insurance turned down my latest two claims from my therapist saying he's not in network.

This after they told me many times over the phone that he WAS in network and eventually approving an earlier claim (after initially turning it down for the same reason).

I'm not looking forward to the marathon phone session I'm going to have with them.

[V M]

Power outage early this morning    I'm able to bundle up, but I was worried for my pet iguana getting too cold without her heat lamp on and it feels kinda surrealistic to be going about with flashlights and such to check on everything 

Also, it's kind of a pain in the butt to have to reset clocks and timers when they finally do get the power back on 

[Shang]

@ VM:

I hope the iguana is fine!

and....everything is upsetting me.  I'm crying at the drop of a hat, I swear.

[Adam (birkin)]

and....everything is upsetting me.  I'm crying at the drop of a hat, I swear.

*hugs* It happens.

[natastic]

I just hate this life right now. Or the lack of a life and a correct body, more likely. I know I'm probably just very tired and all and "just need to pull myself together" etc but... I just feel horrible and keep thinking why did I of all people have to experience this. I literally keep thinking that the day I need to tell my parents about this could very likely be the day when they don't want to see me ever anymore, and I'm just horrified.
On the bright side, this too shall pass. I haven't felt this bad for about a month, after all. Tomorrow will bring light and more courage and optimism. (It would be nice to be less melodramatic with this, too. I'd love to be able to chill and not stress but obviously I can't. )

hugs <3

[V M]

@ VM:

I hope the iguana is fine!

and....everything is upsetting me.  I'm crying at the drop of a hat, I swear.

The iguana is doing fine now    I'll make sure not to drop my hat

Hugs

[Shang]

The iguana is doing fine now    I'll make sure not to drop my hat

Hugs

Yay!   How old is he? [I love iguanas and would love to have one.]

-hugs- :3

[V M]

Not sure how old she is, but I've had her for about 7- 8 years

[hazel]

Okay this is all gonna sound very self pitying and stuff, I know my problems pale in comparison to some but I need a vent and this seems like the thread to do it in.

I passed the first bit of my year but since then I've been slipping back into negative thought patterns, skipping classes to avoid people and now I've got something due at the end of the week I haven't got a hope of completing and when I reflect on it I have only myself to blame too. I was on a bit of a high this weekend as I finally came out about my trans feelings to a friend of mine, she was great about it, but unfortunately lives quite far away and now I'm back to a student house full of people I can't tell, feeling like I'm going to dip back into depression and flunk out again, this is my last shot and I have no idea what the future holds if I let it take over and fail again, but it's not good. Mostly just feeling lonely as hell right now, wish I could get to sleep.

[Kevin Peña]

Try to push through to get out of school, Hazel. If you flunk out, you'll only be more depressed than when you started. Positive change will come soon enough. You just have to wait.

[BunnyBee]

Okay this is all gonna sound very self pitying and stuff, I know my problems pale in comparison to some but I need a vent and this seems like the thread to do it in.

I passed the first bit of my year but since then I've been slipping back into negative thought patterns, skipping classes to avoid people and now I've got something due at the end of the week I haven't got a hope of completing and when I reflect on it I have only myself to blame too. I was on a bit of a high this weekend as I finally came out about my trans feelings to a friend of mine, she was great about it, but unfortunately lives quite far away and now I'm back to a student house full of people I can't tell, feeling like I'm going to dip back into depression and flunk out again, this is my last shot and I have no idea what the future holds if I let it take over and fail again, but it's not good. Mostly just feeling lonely as hell right now, wish I could get to sleep.

Good things are to come and you're making progress toward them.  Hopefully that can bolster you enough to get through those aspects of your life which continue to be difficult, well that along with the knowledge that even those things will be fixed down the line because you will continue making progress.

The thing that made me unhappy today doesn't carry quite the weight that some things do, but it has just been the scornful, malicious, SPITEFUL freezing cold air outside.  I am a Florida girl and I am NOT made for this!

[Hopefull]

What makes me sad ever day is remembering I want to be a guy. I dont go a day without thing of it, but I dont always take it so well some of the times.
I must remain positive thought. I keep reminding myself that the pain will not last forever (or at least not so deep), but then I remember my pain!
I used to give myself headaches because of it. 

[hazel]

Thanks Diana, Jen. Hopefully you're right and this is just temporary, I had this happen a couple of years ago , became very isolated/depressed and really screwed things up for myself as a result. Tonight it feels like I'm letting things head in that direction again and I'm just panicking a bit, well venting on here helps anyhow.

[Felix]

Just found out my daughter's rapist is getting paroled a few years early. I hate people. It's not like she got better or like he's going to stop going after children. Absolutely nothing changed. The criminal justice system is pointless.

[Shantel]

Just found out my daughter's rapist is getting paroled a few years early. I hate people. It's not like she got better or like he's going to stop going after children. Absolutely nothing changed. The criminal justice system is pointless.

It's broken! The local police Chief told me that sexual predators will most likely always re-offend.

[Laura91]

Yeah, people like that can't be changed. I say make it a capital offense, put it into practice and that would solve the problem for sure.

[Gen88]

I've been trusting things my partner tells me for years, usually to no real avail...yet I continue to place hope in his word. Today I got a reply from my FFS surgeon, when I talked to my partner, whom said three months ago "I will get you FFS by March and SRS by September" and has reiterated this point several times since, his response was "well, I think were going to put it off until at least the end of the summer now, I just don't think this is the right time financially" (this is someone who drives an 80k suv and makes over 200k yearly.  I feel like he is dragging it out for some unknown reason and am wondering more and more if I can really rely on what he tells me or if he still wants to be married to the old me and will drag this out indefinitely.

Also, one I haven't really wrapped my mind around yet, an old friend (she was like a second grandmother to me but we have not talked since I began my transition.) took her own life out of depression yesterday.  I have experienced a lot of death in my life but this one is taking a bit more to deal with...it doesn't seem real yet.

[Shantel]

I've been trusting things my partner tells me for years, usually to no real avail...yet I continue to place hope in his word. Today I got a reply from my FFS surgeon, when I talked to my partner, whom said three months ago "I will get you FFS by March and SRS by September" and has reiterated this point several times since, his response was "well, I think were going to put it off until at least the end of the summer now, I just don't think this is the right time financially" (this is someone who drives an 80k suv and makes over 200k yearly.  I feel like he is dragging it out for some unknown reason and am wondering more and more if I can really rely on what he tells me or if he still wants to be married to the old me and will drag this out indefinitely.

Not my business hon, but it's my leaned and experienced opinion that he's playing you, especially if he's already getting everything on the farm because it leaves you with no leverage. Observed it so many times happening to naive, trusting women with commitment phobic men! Benefits should be conditional, hope it's not too late for you, time for a confrontational discussion with as little drama as possible.

Also, one I haven't really wrapped my mind around yet, an old friend (she was like a second grandmother to me but we have not talked since I began my transition.) took her own life out of depression yesterday.  I have experienced a lot of death in my life but this one is taking a bit more to deal with...it doesn't seem real yet.

(((Hugs)))

[Shang]

I'm sorry to hear about that, Gen88. =(  -hugs-

___

What made me unhappy:

I'm a bitter, bitter man.  Two people I know and like got engaged.  I should be happy, which I am, but at the same time all I can think is "->-bleeped-<-, man, I want that."  Followed promptly by me hating my life and my being terrified of coming out because I'm currently relying on my parents and I have no resources to live on my own and may not for several months if the job market doesn't pick up.  And staying like this is killing me a little on the inside every single day, but I don't come out to my parents or family still. 

Not like I could right now.  They're in Hawai'i since my dad had to go TDY there.  And that's another thing.  They're going to bring up the whole "you can't ruin your dad's career!" when I come out.  They said that to me when they found out I was dating a girl back in high school.

I'm 24, goddammit.

[Gen88]

Thank you Arwan and Shantel

Shantel - We were married as a gay couple for 5 years, and unfortunately the mix of his drinking/anger plus my transition caused me to move back to my hometown and break up with him. fast forward 6 months and im trying to give him a chance to show me his professed "changes", but to be honest, im not seeing alot of them yet...

BTW, Thank you both for the hugs, I really need them today...im trying to bury myself in my two jobs and not think about anything right now.