You're right, it's definitely a problem. A few people have expressed concerns, online and off, so I'm not trying to only have one, maybe 2 bottles per week, and have at least 2 days in between. I feel that's a more reasonable amount, instead of the 6 or so bottles I have been having per week.
------------------
Himself has just basically stuffed me back into the closet.
I decided to start coming out, and changing my online stuff to reflect that. Two nights ago, I essentially outed myself on one particular social network by updating my profile to showing as FTM and having one of my male-presenting pics as an avatar. However, Himself is also a member of said network, and our profiles have connections, in that we're linked as engaged to one another etc, and we share friends. He's just told me quite sharply that it makes him very uncomfortable. I tried to make my case that, whether or not it says so online, he is engaged to a man anyway, but he has basically indicated that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me if I try to present as male. I've changed it all back to what it was now, but I'm utterly miserable about it. I probably should have talked with him about it first, but I didn't think it was going to be a problem, as we had a conversation last week where he told me that he would be ok with staying together if I transitioned. Now, apparently, that is not true, and has never been true. Suffice to say, I feel a tad messed about by that.
I hate this. He keeps saying he supports me and wants me to be happy, but I'm feeling like his behaviour isn't reflecting that, as he keeps repressing me all the time.
I keep welling up, and I really, really want to drink myself into oblivion right now.
If anyone has hugs going, I'd totally appreciate them.
