What made you unhappy today? v2.0

[Shantel]

I couldn't open up to my therapist again today. Was going to and had what I was going to say all figured out but ->-bleeped-<- happens and before the appointment found out I am losing my job on Friday. Life really really really really sux. I think I'm tired of it and want a do over.

I'm sorry Jess, lots of us have lost jobs lately, it's a real challenge for a lot of folks to work through it all. As you know, there aren't any do overs, so try and not allow yourself to fall into a depressed state. Get a resume together and make a plan for each day and see if you can shake something out of the woods. Wishing you well, keep us posted! ((Hugs))

[Keaira]

Still been feeling insecure for the past couple of weeks about my appearance. And I'm nervously waiting for a response from the Governor's office. If I'm lucky, Some things will be fixed and I can finally get my driver's license changed. Because if I can't, it just screws up my job potentials. I think I do a good job of keeping my insecurity under wraps. But it's there.

[big kim]

Being outed on a review page for the guest house by the dirtbags who I had to call the police to

[King Malachite]

expensive video games

[Edge]

I couldn't fall asleep until 5am and I had to wake up at 7. On the plus side, I barely feel tired.
Also, one of the ->-bleeped-<- guys is complaining that I am being unfair. After all, he didn't create the pages that are blatantly offensive to trans women. He just likes them. I'm not responding, obviously.

[King Malachite]

School starts today

Stupid inprivate filter keeps popping up randomly and I have no clue how to shut it off without logging off

[Jess42]

I'm sorry Jess, lots of us have lost jobs lately, it's a real challenge for a lot of folks to work through it all. As you know, there aren't any do overs, so try and not allow yourself to fall into a depressed state. Get a resume together and make a plan for each day and see if you can shake something out of the woods. Wishing you well, keep us posted! ((Hugs))

Thanks for the hug Shantel. As for the depression, too late and the reason I am losing my job. Mdication for the depression is the reason, and having a socalled safety sensitive job. or actually contract. I took time for the mediction to build up in my system. I was strongly advised against driving a commercial vehicle by the doctor doing my two year physical. He passed me anyway with a letter from the Psychiatrist but told me any accidents, my fault or someone else's, that I could be sued for being on the meds. If someone was actually killed, again my fault or not, I could be looking at possible involuntary manslaughter charges. I'm smart enough to make a schedule for myself and let the sedative effects wear off before driving but he said that it didn't matter whether I was under thos influences or not. It would show up in a bloodtest and a ten point urinalisys. It really scared me, what little I have I don't want to lose, and I could never go to jail.

There pretty much is nothing else I can do, I have been doing this job in one capacity or another for almost thirty years.

Again, thanks for the hugs, I really need em. Everytime I feel something starts coming together, Something always seems to kick me back in the dirt.

[Erik Ezrin]

I'm in the midst of my exam period, and I' still lazy as ->-bleeped-<- and stressed as hell!
I don't want to fail my exams :s I don't!

I'll be SO glad when this is over. I hope it'll also be with a good outcome, though...

[Adam (birkin)]

I think I do a good job of keeping my insecurity under wraps. But it's there.

Not from me. *hugs*

[Shantel]

There pretty much is nothing else I can do, I have been doing this job in one capacity or another for almost thirty years.

Again, thanks for the hugs, I really need em. Everytime I feel something starts coming together, Something always seems to kick me back in the dirt.

Sadly they are right on in their judgment and it is unfortunate for you Jess. I know there are two main types of depression, the clinical depression where medication is an absolute must and then there's the self induced type of depression that a lot of people get from self over-analyzation which slides downhill into what I call the "Poor Me Syndrome." The latter type is something anyone can work themselves through and get past without resorting to psychotropic medications which really only exacerbate the problems in a person's life. If you are suffering from the latter type you can move past it by changing the tape that is running in your head and get focused on a plan for each day to affect some forward momentum in your life. I hope you are able to get through this and off the medications, otherwise you may find your plans and dreams will become flatlined, it's not a happy place to be.

[Jess42]

Sadly they are right on in their judgment and it is unfortunate for you Jess. I know there are two main types of depression, the clinical depression where medication is an absolute must and then there's the self induced type of depression that a lot of people get from self over-analyzation which slides downhill into what I call the "Poor Me Syndrome." The latter type is something anyone can work themselves through and get past without resorting to psychotropic medications which really only exacerbate the problems in a person's life. If you are suffering from the latter type you can move past it by changing the tape that is running in your head and get focused on a plan for each day to affect some forward momentum in your life. I hope you are able to get through this and off the medications, otherwise you may find your plans and dreams will become flatlined, it's not a happy place to be.

Thanks Shantel. Unfortunately for me it is the first type. I have tried everything before resorting to a therapist and Psychiatrist. I've tried Meditation, positive image reinforcement, getting away to try to recharge and just about everything else. The meds were helping but now, I'm waiting to hear from the Psychiatrist about how to go about getting off of them without "trip outs" or withdrawal symptoms and so on. I guess I'll do like a lot of other people and use alcohol since it is legal and I can drive after eight hours. Go as long as I can and and when I mentally can't go anymore, just "checkout". I would love to run away and go where no one knows me and become who I am or want to be. Which will never happen in my situation. Tried talking to the SO last night about leaving and going away for a couple of months, I get guilt trips thrown at me, words to make me feel selfish and much more. So opening up as being trans to her is out of the question. Wanting to leave for a couple of months and what come from that, I can just imagine leaving her for good. And now with no means of making a living. I would be left with totally nothing as selfish as she herself is. I guess you can say that I am in an abusive relationship, but on a psychological level. I'm just tired of it all.

[Shantel]

Thanks Shantel. Unfortunately for me it is the first type. I have tried everything before resorting to a therapist and Psychiatrist. I've tried Meditation, positive image reinforcement, getting away to try to recharge and just about everything else. The meds were helping but now, I'm waiting to hear from the Psychiatrist about how to go about getting off of them without "trip outs" or withdrawal symptoms and so on.

Usually those medications are originally administered in small doses and each week they get ramped up to a larger dosage until you get to a certain level. Getting back off of them requires you to ramp back down just as slowly otherwise you're in for months of nasty side effects. The problem with that crap is that it rewires your brain chemistry.

Did you once say that you are a veteran and did some deployments in a war zone? If so please pm me about it. ~ Shan ~

[Sarah Louise]

My "Check Engine" light came on again after just having the car repaired two days ago.

poqupewrup ;;lajdsf;j  Mumble mumble, growl.

[Shantel]

My "Check Engine" light came on again after just having the car repaired two days ago.

poqupewrup ;;lajdsf;j  Mumble mumble, growl.

That happened to me, it turned out to be a faulty sensor when they put it on the electronic analyzer. Check it out, it may be an inexpensive quick fix or it could be a signal that the catalytic converter is toast.

[Sarah Louise]

They replaced the Evac Charcoal canister two days ago.  I figure something came loose.  It better not be the catalytic converter, I might just shoot the car.

[Shantel]

They replaced the Evac Charcoal canister two days ago.  I figure something came loose.  It better not be the catalytic converter, I might just shoot the car.

There won't be cars in heaven! 

[Nero]

They replaced the Evac Charcoal canister two days ago.  I figure something came loose.  It better not be the catalytic converter, I might just shoot the car.

There won't be cars in heaven! 

Haha I hope not! That would be nice. 

[Jayne]

I've found 2 large lumps at the base of Poopies tail, i've booked him in to see a vet at the PDSA on monday so i've just got the weekend of worrying that it may be something bad.

I phoned my GP today about my electrolosys & all they could say was that they have sent e-mails & can't do anything else, it's been 6 months since they were asked to request this & i'm sick of being jerked around!
Anyone who thinks it's good to transition on the NHS need their head examined

[Jess42]

I've found 2 large lumps at the base of Poopies tail, i've booked him in to see a vet at the PDSA on monday so i've just got the weekend of worrying that it may be something bad.

I phoned my GP today about my electrolosys & all they could say was that they have sent e-mails & can't do anything else, it's been 6 months since they were asked to request this & i'm sick of being jerked around!
Anyone who thinks it's good to transition on the NHS need their head examined

Try not to worry much about your dog, I have a beagle and she gets lumps and have taken her to the vet and, I forget what the vet called it, but they are benign.

The other bad thing, I can't help you with though.

[Erik Ezrin]

This is actually a bit too much to describe right now... but my mum is driving me and my dad crazy. Not because she's a bitch or anything like that, she's the sweetest mum I could ever wish for.
But lately, or should I say; since the last two/three YEARS, she has been suffering from horrible depression-ish symptoms. She is tired as hell, and constantly complains about vague problems with her body. If one thing is cured, the next one 'magically' pops up, and so on. Also is her perception totally different. She has been on depression meds, for example, and a while ago she began blaming my dad of 'forcing' her onto them, while she said HERSELF said she needed some serious stuff to get her out of the ->-bleeped-<-. Also is she extremely jealous of me and my dad doing things together, and claims we have a 'magical connection' and she is just 'lagging behind/not being a part/not fitting with us', while we both definitely DON'T experience it that way.
She does NOTHING anymore, just lies on the sofa all day, groaning she hates her life, she's worth for nothing, etc. etc. and each time me and my dad try to motivate her to get out and DO something, she sighs, grunts, walks away, and sometimes even gets ANGRY at us. She says it's impossible, she's lost for good, is ready for garbage, etc. it almost seems as if she WANTS to hear she's a failure, as if she WANTS to get hate and ->-bleeped-<- all over her, instead of love and encouragement.
Both me and my dad are totally up to our toes. We can't tell her openly what we feel or think, because she would accuse us of lying to her and twisting the facts, or just get angry and stomp away, or burst into crying all in a sudden. We don't know what to do anymore, we tried everything, from talking with her (a lot!), to sending her to a dozen shrinks and eventually the meds (she's off them now, because she said they made her dizzy). She has been to every end of the medical spectrum, from the hospital, shrinks, alternative medication, and so on... and nothing helped. We're out of energy. I'm almost starting to think she's going crazy or something, is losing it, y'know, but I don't want to think such things... she's my mum... I love her so much... I just want everything to be okay with her again

Sorry for the ramble, just had to get this out for a sec.