Should i tell him?

[Jennifer93]

Hi, usually i'm not writing any posts here, but i have some sort of problem and i thought that this would be the best place where i could get help. Well, i'm not really transsexual, i'm a girl but i had too much testosterone, so when i came to Norway two years ago i was living as a boy and started living as a girl dew months ago. When i came to this country i met i boy that i really liked. I have a huge crash on him since we met. He really respects me as a girl and my transition hadn't affect our friendship in any way. I love him for 1,5 year but the problem is that he is my best friend and he knew me when i was still living as a boy. I've wonder if i should tell him about my feelings toward him, but i'm afraid that this could end up our friendship and that i will be rejected and then our relationship wouldn never be as good as now. Also, he is my only friend. People usually don't talk to me and i'm a little shy and it's difficult for me to make friends. So if i'm going to lose him, i'm gonna be without any friends at all. What should i do?

(I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes. English is not my mother tongue.)

[Elsa]

Well what I could suggest is tell him that how you feel and also tell him that you don't want to loose him as a friend either.

Chances are he would love and respect you especially if he has been around for 1 and half years and he sounds like a really great guy.

Tell him how much he means to you and how much you appreciate having him around and make sure he realizes that if he doesn't have the same feelings for you, you would still value him as a friend.

It's always a tough decision to make when you're in love with your best friend. All I can say is that if you don't tell him one day you would wish you had told him but it may be too late by then.

Don't wait too long hon, the sooner you tell him the better it would be for both of you that way even if it doesn't work out you could still move on with your life.
wait for the right moment - but do not wait too long.

edit: should also mention:
I have a similar relationship with my best friend - we started off as really close friends - but then it didn't work out and now we are back where we started - as best friends.  Except she is now the person who is closest person to me and to some extent I to her.
you never know how things are going to work out.

[RedFox]

I agree that you should be open with him about your feelings, but make clear you value his friendship the most and don't want to lose that.

But I have to caution you, the fact that you said he was your ONLY friend is a red flag.  It's very easy to put all of your emotions into a single person and get overly attached when you only have ONE person in your life.  It can make for a potentially unhealthy relationship.  I'm not saying that's the case, but you should look at yourself and your feelings and make sure they are honest feelings and not a desperate grab for affection and love - since you aren't getting it elsewhere.  I'm sure there's a psychological term for this but I can't remember what it is.

The fact that he's mentally flexible enough to accept you as a woman is a great indicator that he should be able to remain friends if he doesn't feel the same way about you.  For your sake I hope he does return your feelings.

Good luck.

[Jennifer93]

Thank You. I think i will tell him. Tomorrow we're going together for a classical music concert and that might be the right moment to tell him. He means a lot to me.

[crowcrowcrow]

Tell us how it went By the way, may I ask how it happened that you started living as a boy if you identified as a girl ever since?

[JoanneB]

The great loves of my life started as being my best friend. Two out of three eventually ended because of me being trans. THe third is is still going strong

[Aryana_V]

Ok.... I'm really not understanding what you're asking? You said he knew you as a guy and a girl so what is the problem? what is there to tell? is this serious?