Being a 'pretty girl'.

[unknown]

Okay so for some reason I had lot's of female friends being jealous of me. I have had (female) family members say how beautiful I was. Almost all the people in the stores I have tried clothes in said I was beautiful no matter what clothes I wore. I on the other hand thought I looked horrible. I hated how I looked. I have always loved cross dressing (not female pants, but other than that I like wearing female clothes) so wearing the clothes was no problem.
I now know that was part of my body dysphoria, but before that I just felt so ugly (or something) and could not understand why people where so jealous of me and said I was pretty. I have never really used any type of make-up. I don't even know what it's called. I don't know If people liked the fact I looked so natural.
Anyway when I started to identify as male people didn't get it because I was so pretty. I had a person hating me really much because of this. Telling me that she had it a lot worse than me and stuff. Then again she had mental problems.
It seems like she got offended by the fact I hated it or something.

Have any of you had this 'beauty' problem and how did you handle it.

[Natkat]

I had some slightly comment for being "pretty"
like for transition people been like. "but your a very pretty girl" bla bla.. not many but had some.
I also got it as a guy like when I have issues people are like, "but your so cute, so pretty, you would never have any problems like this, very annoying at times -__-"

I don't mind looking great I just hate when people start to think they know me out from my look.

btw, the thing about "someone have it worse than you and is because of that allowed to bitch are so much B*
really, if we all where like that then we would all bitch around each other cause I bet we all have problems and her mental illness dosent exuse her, If you are sweet you will forgive her, but its not a matter of course that you will do so, I known people having hard time being on the egde of death and they still threated me the best they could, so people saying there allowed to theat me bad cause there life is "though, I dont really give a daim for them.

sorry if im rough ^^ I just happent to know the type, and really they need to learn it anyway.

[Jeatyn]

oh yeah I had this problem big time. Some people seemed really offended that I'd "throw away" all my good lucks and curves and big boobies. The way some people act you'd think we were stealing food from starving African children only to throw it in the garbage. Trust me if I could somehow give my body parts to somebody else who was jealous of them I would.

They really don't seem to grasp that transitioning isn't about looks. I would be much happier as an ugly man than a beautiful woman, that's the bottom line.

I hate it when people try to imply that because I'm "prettier" than they are, my problems are somehow invalid

[Cyndigurl45]

I finally gave up trying to be pretty, now I've found my style and I'm just me ;-)

[Edge]

Being a pretty "girl" has caused me more problems than not.
For one, I want to look like the guy I am. Not being able to is driving me nuts.
For two, I no longer trust other guys because of how they've treated me over the years. I think people who are jealous of that need some serious therapy.
When people belittle my problems, I start talking about what I've lived through and watch them squirm. I'm pretty open about that stuff anyway though.

[Edge]

Unless you were one of my "friends," you didn't contribute to my trust issues. I hold the specific people who hurt me responsible for what they did, not everyone.

[Sly]

Not exactly, but someone I came out to early on got upset because apparently I was really hot as a boyish girl.  He was a creeper, though.

[Ayden]

I didn't get the "you're so pretty" comments until I after I started transitioning. People used to tell me I had strong features for a woman. Now they tell me I'm a "pretty guy" and a "lovely boy". Go figure.

[Biscuit_Stix]

Oh yeah, major issues with this one. When I was a teen I wanted to transition, but my mother got directly in the way with the "You're gorgeous, don't hide that pretty face under a hat/glasses!" "Don't cut your beautiful hair!" "Why are you such a tomboy, can't you just be the beautiful girl I know you are?!" When I was a kid I had a weird neck twitch, and my mom kept saying "Quit that!" until one day she said "You look like you're uncomfortable in your own skin when you do that" and I said "Well, I am." After that, she quit telling me to stop and always got a guilty look when I did it... Think it finally got through to her I wasn't happy the way she wanted me to be...

As far as handling it? Persist. Keep on keepin' on. I know its hard to 'just keep swimming' in the face of adversity and guilt tripping, but you know you better than they ever will. You're the one who has to live in your body, not them. Some day they'll figure it out. And when you're a flat out hunk, it'll be just the opposite. "There's no way you were ever a girl, bro!"

[Disgusting]

I never believed myself to be all that attractive as a girl and it seemed to me that no one else thought so, either, so whenever someone did I just dismissed it as them trying to be nice.  Now that I look back, though, in my later teenage years before I got all sick and fat and whatnot, I realize I was gorgeous and sometimes it actually depresses me a little.  I wish I'd realized how good I looked then and had a little confidence; maybe I could have gone somewhere.  But now my health isn't the greatest and I'm in an awkward phase of semi-transition and I just feel hideous all over again--this time with a basis of comparison.  Sometimes I almost wish I could go back to my girl days because I feel like it would be so much easier.

[Kevin Peña]

I had the same problem being masculine. People think of me as "a man's kind of man" and my friends were so shocked when I came out to them as trans.

"But you're so manly."

To that, I say, "Then I did a good job of hiding this, didn't I?"

[Adam (birkin)]

I didn't get the "you're so pretty" comments until I after I started transitioning. People used to tell me I had strong features for a woman. Now they tell me I'm a "pretty guy" and a "lovely boy". Go figure.

I kind of got this, except they don't mean I am a pretty boy. I had one woman tell me "it is so sad that you are doing this. You are such a beautiful girl, you are so pretty and radiant. I hope you don't do it, please know how beautiful you are." I barely knew her and she knew I was trans through hearsay. -_-

Since then I've heard a few times that I was pretty as a girl, both in my really girly stage and my "androgynous" stage. I don't know how I feel about it. I was so sad then that I didn't feel attractive, but in retrospect, I was. But I'd rather be an ugly man than a beautiful woman. And I tell people that when they say I was pretty. The most important thing is my happiness, and I want people in my life who value me for who I am, not my superficial features.

[unknown]

I kind of got this, except they don't mean I am a pretty boy. I had one woman tell me "it is so sad that you are doing this. You are such a beautiful girl, you are so pretty and radiant. I hope you don't do it, please know how beautiful you are." I barely knew her and she knew I was trans through hearsay. -_-

Since then I've heard a few times that I was pretty as a girl, both in my really girly stage and my "androgynous" stage. I don't know how I feel about it. I was so sad then that I didn't feel attractive, but in retrospect, I was. But I'd rather be an ugly man than a beautiful woman. And I tell people that when they say I was pretty. The most important thing is my happiness, and I want people in my life who value me for who I am, not my superficial features.

Yes it's like people take offence to it. They somehow get offended by what a person they don't even know does. It's a long time since I heard people do this because I'm not really close to my class mates and the only people I'm close to only think of me as male. It also seems like it's only women that commends on this or am I totally wrong?

[Jam]

I can honestly say no one has ever told me not to transition because of that. But then again I wasn't pretty. I was pig ugly to be fair or at least I thought I was because I couldn't function. I could never get my head around girl fashion or why anyone would interested in hair or makeup.

I have been told a zillion times that I am cute. I don't know if thats become less or more since starting T. Fewer people say it to me now but it could just be because it was always girls that said it before and obviously if they say it now they might think I would take that as 'you fancy me'. I get the general feeling from the way some people look and interact with me that many still do find me cute though.

It annoys me because cute can be either a good or a bad thing so honestly I have no idea if I'm good or bad looking now. There's lots of other things people could have picked up on if they wanted to say something like that to me though. Like 'you can't transition your too short' just for example. I never got any of it though.

Still I wasn't very good at acting 'the girl' in fact I was terrible. So maybe they could already see I'd be better suited as a boy. Infact thinking about it a person at work used to tell me all the time 'your like a little boy' and 'you should have been a boy'

[Kevin Peña]

Cute is for babies and puppies, not men. You, Tom, are a handsome gentleman.

Anyway, I never understood why people are offended by losing a good-looking person. It's as though we are doing a disservice to the planet by not being groomed for it. As though Earth cares what we look like... 

I'd say that a happy person is more important.

[Natkat]

Cute is for babies and puppies, not men. You, Tom, are a handsome gentleman.

unless your in japan then its for everything..

[Jam]

Cute is for babies and puppies, not men. You, Tom, are a handsome gentleman.

Anyway, I never understood why people are offended by losing a good-looking person. It's as though we are doing a disservice to the planet by not being groomed for it. As though Earth cares what we look like... 

I'd say that a happy person is more important.

Well thanks lol

unless your in japan then its for everything..

LOL so true

[GentlemanRDP]

Agreed. Problems that I used to be a 'pretty' girl too.
I never really saw it, I mean, c'mon, I was overweight, didn't care what I looked like, didn't wear make-up.
But when I came out as trans it was all, "But you were such a pretty girl!"
I certainly have a girly face, even now...but I like to think that the fact that society now has so many pretty boys to my advantage.

[FTMDiaries]

Oh wow, this has been a lifelong problem for me too. For example, when I was a teenage Goth I wanted to dye my hair black (to go with my mood), but my mother wouldn't let me because I have 'such pretty blonde hair and it would be a shame to ruin it by dyeing it'. She couldn't understand how uncomfortable I was with my appearance and that I wanted to make whatever changes I could to make me look less 'pretty' and 'feminine' so that I could feel a bit better. That attitude is one of the reasons why I never came out to her.

My theory is that people generally judge women by their appearance, and for some people it seems that 'being pretty' should be the ultimate aspiration for any female. So if you happen to be a pretty female who needs to transition to male, people like that can't understand why you're throwing away what they consider to be the ultimate prize for any 'woman': your feminine attractiveness. They also get confused (and possibly threatened) by your obvious refusal to conform their concept of gender stereotypes. And yes, many of those people are driven by jealousy. My mother was jealous of my hair colour (she was brunette and she thought my blond hair was better than hers) which is why she wouldn't let me change it.

It can be annoying, but try to ignore them: you know who you are and who you need to be.

[muffinpants]

Oh yeah, major issues with this one. When I was a teen I wanted to transition, but my mother got directly in the way with the "You're gorgeous, don't hide that pretty face under a hat/glasses!" "Don't cut your beautiful hair!" "Why are you such a tomboy, can't you just be the beautiful girl I know you are?!" When I was a kid I had a weird neck twitch, and my mom kept saying "Quit that!" until one day she said "You look like you're uncomfortable in your own skin when you do that" and I said "Well, I am." After that, she quit telling me to stop and always got a guilty look when I did it... Think it finally got through to her I wasn't happy the way she wanted me to be...

I'm not trans, but the thing you said here really sounded a lot like my mother when I was younger. Why do people think just because you have decent looks you need to put yourself on display? My mom used to bitch at me all the time 'why do you wear those baggy clothes and keep your hair up like that!? you look like a boy!!'<-- like she thought that would make me want to change it. Sorry, not all of us like being ogled at anyways.