What "order" are you going in?

[aleon515]

The times and dates are way interesting. So here goes:

April 2012 started reading about trans stuff due to story on the news. Identified as genderqueer. Joined Susan's. Came out to some friends as genderqueer.
May: Got vaguely male haircut and dressed more male.
June: Went to trans center and started in groups. Started dressing as male, including underwear.
July: started gender therapy.
Aug: Introduced myself as ____ at work. Had people call me this. Came out as trans to quite a number of people.
Sep.: Got male haircut. Started referring to myself as ftm vs genderqueer.

I sort of see myself as starting T in March.
Top surgery 2014 or 15??

I see why they call this the "trans train" or the "trans track".


--Jay J

[electric sheep]

Well, I think I refused to shop in the women's department as a pre-teen and as a little kid, I enjoyed the comforts of unisex 90s clothing, so I've been dressing male my whole life really, underwear and all.

Now, since finally coming out to myself last December, my process has pretty much been limited to being out to my friends and enjoying a male name and pronouns when in their presence. I told my parents via letter that I've asked all my friends to do this, but it pretty much ends there, as I am the master of postponing difficult conversations.

In the future, the plan is as follows (and this is standardized care where I live):
1. See a gender therapist and start living full time as male, facebook name change and all.
2. Start HRT, usually 6 months into RLE.
3. Legal name and gender change after 1 year on hormones (laws prevent this from happening any earlier, sucks, but I'll have to live with female identification for a bit.)
4. Top surgery.

Actually, 3 and 4 could be switched around, but that's pretty much the plan and timeline for me.

[bojangles]

Did you guys get your name changed before or after you started hormones? Legally, I mean.

After.

Were you completely dressing as a male before hormones?

Yes.

[FTMDiaries]

I have a couple of complications due to being in the UK.

Firstly, I am unable to change my name without my husband's consent. Under UK law, neither party to a marriage can change their name without the consent of the other.

Secondly, I can't afford to go private so I'm at the mercy of the NHS. Whilst I'm thankful for this financially, the downside is that I have relatively little say in the order of my transition as it has to be done according to their pathway and timescales.

Thirdly, and here's the doozy, under UK law my husband and I MUST dissolve our marriage if I apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate.

I'm pre-everything at the moment. I've seen my GP & local mental health team to get a diagnosis of GD. I'm waiting for the Gender Clinic to offer me an appointment, but when they do I want to start on T as soon as possible. Then I'll want top surgery ASAP, followed by bottom. I'll legally change my name somewhere around going on T, but I've already been using my chosen name in public for a couple of months now.

I've been dressing in male clothing since I was about 5 or 6, but it's only in the past year that I've completely given up wearing women's clothing and started binding. My mother used to dress me in pretty little dresses when I was little; I faced a hellacious battle with her to be allowed to wear boys' clothes and cut my hair short. And when I was a kid, I always used to try to convince the boys in the neighbourhood that I was a boy, and it would work great until my brother would say to them "you do realise that's my sister, don't you?". Thanks, bro!

[Clive]

I'm in a similar position to FTMDiaries (though I'm single) and as Make_It_Good was earlier in his transition.  I'm in the UK, on an NHS waiting list for an appointment at my local Gender Clinic.  In the meantime, I've begun my real life experience, partly because I'm hoping it will make the process of getting hormones smoother once I get my appointment, and partly because I just couldn't wait - I was so unhappy living as I was.  So I've changed my name and have more-or-less informed all the necessary parties of the change - the day I got my new Driver's License was MINT - and I've come out to everyone I know.  I'm living as male full-time - the only snag is, I only pass about half of the time   Hormones will hopefully fix that, though!

So I suppose my order is:

Started dressing as male part-time once puberty hit
Made a disastrous attempt at being a lesbian for several years, often dressing as male and occasionally binding
Freaked out and made an even more disastrous attempt at living as a feminine woman for two years
Finally admitted to myself that I'm transsexual, had a drastic haircut and started dressing as male full-time (two years ago)
Asked my GP to refer me to the Gender Clinic (a year ago)
Changed my name by Deed Poll (two months ago)

And the plan from now is:

Speak to a counsellor at the Gender Clinic
Get the go-ahead for hormones, and start T
Request top-surgery as soon as they'll let me get on the waiting list
When that's all healed, request bottom surgery and get on the waiting list for that.

So much waiting.  But the British do love queuing, I guess.

Some days I feel frustrated at the arse-backwards-ness of the need to come out before starting T, and all of the waiting.  Other days I think, maybe it's a positive thing - it forces one to reflect on each stage of transition before moving on to the next, gives you time to adjust, and get comfortable with each change.  When I'm done, at least I'll know that though it was a long, hard road, I made all of the right decisions, with as much thought as possible behind each and every one.

FTMDiaries, I had no idea that you had to get the consent of your spouse before a name change here - wow.  I did know about having to dissolve one's marriage if you apply for the Gender Recognition Certificate, though.  I'm so sorry to hear you're having to go through that.  It really brings home, too, how baffling, nonsensical and unfair the marriage laws are here.  We allow an individual to marry another.  Then suddenly we say - oh, sorry, you're not really allowed to be married now.  Why?  Because the nature of the relationship has changed?  Because one partner has betrayed the other or turned out to be an axe murderer?  No - because we've legally recognised one partner's true gender.  It shreds the arguments of Gay Marriage opponents to pieces, really, I guess.  Because we've already allowed men to marry men, and women to marry women.  Only at the time, the law said that one of the men was a woman, or one of the women was a man.  I'm going to stop.  I'm confusing myself now.        

[Darrin Scott]

My order is going:

1. started hormones on 2/18/2012
2. Name change in either January or February
3. Top Surgery

I don't plan on bottom surgery.

[aleon515]

Here's my comments on the "living full-time" thing.
I actually can't imagine "living full-time" until I start T. I have a job complication first of all. I am out as my chosen name, which is androgynous but only a few people know I am trans. It is a public school. I am leaving after the year is over but I think transitioning mid-year would be very complicated. It is against the law to actually discriminate. But there are laws and how people actually act.

The other is without T I would never pass. I am over the age I can look like a teenager. I don't know how they really expect this in the UK. Sounds like a gatekeeper game.
I could change my name but plan to do this when I have more time. Sounds time consuming to say the least.

BTW, I am going to a ftm support group which is great. I don't find a lot of the guys even talk about this. Yes they talk about being accepted as male by peers and so on, but I don't hear anything about the f-t thing. Many of them are on T, but haven't been on that long.

--Jay J

[AdamMLP]

I have a couple of complications due to being in the UK.

Firstly, I am unable to change my name without my husband's consent. Under UK law, neither party to a marriage can change their name without the consent of the other.

As far as I can make out this isn't the case.  It says nowhere on the deed poll website that your husband has to give permission, it even says that "Separated women (who took their husband's surname upon marriage) often believe they have to wait until their divorce is finalised before they can revert to their maiden name.  This is incorrect.  A separated woman has the right to change her surname at any time.  Therefore, if you are separated and do not wish to be known by your husband's surname, you can revert to your maiden name (or to a new name entirely) by Deed Poll... you can also take the opportunity to make changes to your forename(s) if you wish e.g. change, add or remove your first and/or middle names."  Different topic there I know, but in the eyes of the law the women they're referencing are still married to their husbands and they didn't need permission.  I can't see why just because you and your husband are still together he automatically gets a say in it, so I'd look further into that if I were you.

As for me... I'm not too sure where things are heading, but:

May 2011 -- Discovered I was trans.
Winter 2011 -- Came out to parents, had one or two visits to my GP vaguely mentioning it.
Early 2012 -- Stopped visits to hide under the radar so that my shrink would finally leave me alone.
hopefully
Leave college
Name change (Don't want to do it before, I've finally found people that I can call friends and I don't want to jeopardise that and become lonely and friendless like my parents.)
Be old enough to be seen my the nearest GIC (Just discovered it's outside of our council funded area, which will worries me as it will potentially cause huge issues with NHS funding, they refused point blank to let me see any councillors outside of our council area even though the only one who was apparently high enough to see me with was being gleeful at making me angry, upset, and in a much worse place than I was before I went in.  Eventually they agreed to let me see an adult mental health worker, but I fell off their raydar and it took 3 months for them to realise -result!-)
Get on T
Top surgery

Bottom surgery is probably a no for me, the thought of any surgery that requires being under general anesthetic terrifies me half to death, especially messing around down there.  Top surgery I could probably cope with, although I'd do my best to have it filmed just so I can check what they did -- I'm completely paranoid of being incapacitated around people.  It doesn't feel like a huge necessity for me, but if that changes then it changes.

[John Smith]

I started dressing more neutral and chopped off most of my hair some time before I decided to go through with my transition. I started buying all male clothing from the day I came out to my doc, and thus gradually replaced everything in my wardrobe. I was wearing all male clothing a while before going full time, but I doubt anyone really noticed the change. Anywhoo, lemme make a proper list so I don't ramble myself lost.

1. Dressed androgynously, cut my hair shorter
2. Came out to doc/some immediate family, was referred to gender clinic
3. Dressed all male
4. Came out to rest of immediate family
5. Gave mother permission to tell the rest of the family (the poor woman was bursting.. :p )
6. Came out at work
7. Official name change
8. Testosterone
9. On waiting list for hysterectomy/top surgery, whichever comes first

[Make_It_Good]

Some days I feel frustrated at the arse-backwards-ness of the need to come out before starting T, and all of the waiting.  Other days I think, maybe it's a positive thing - it forces one to reflect on each stage of transition before moving on to the next, gives you time to adjust, and get comfortable with each change.  When I'm done, at least I'll know that though it was a long, hard road, I made all of the right decisions, with as much thought as possible behind each and every one.
 

Thats a good point of view to take. I wish Id attempted to be more positive, atleast earlier in the process as I was just depressed and negative! :p
I think mind over matter helps keep a helpful and focused mind though. Now I try to look at the hardships as something to strengthen me by. Maybe thats what the NHS think too Haha :p

FTMdiaries - Im in the process of getting my GRC (well, I would have had it done last year, but I keep putting of the Stat Dec bit! I hate facing people I have to tell :p) and I read the part about married couples. That would suck, as if it isnt hard enough for people to go through already!
  I didnt realize that you had to have your partner's permission to change your name by deed poll, but I guess I can see why they would put rules around that. :/

[FTMDiaries]

Alex000000, Clive and Make_It_Good: Yes, I was pretty shocked myself to find that married people need our spouse's permission to change our name by Deed Poll. By the way, there are special rules surrounding name changes due to marriage and divorce, which is why it's possible for a woman to change name so easily (all I had to do was to wave my marriage certificate under people's noses).

This is what I read on the Royal Courts of Justice's website:

WHOSE PERMISSION DO I NEED?
If you are married you need the written consent of your husband or wife. If a minor is changing their name, then you need the written consent from all parties involved. The Birth Mother and Father, and new partner (if applicable). All of those people who have "Parental Responsibility" for you.

So it would also appear that a minor would need the consent of both their birth parents and their step-parents - am I reading that right? If so, that means some people would need the permission of three or four people to change their name, which increases the possibility of somebody saying 'no'. Sheesh!