Hello everyone, I recently stumbled upon this forum. Been lurking it for roughly two days now reading topics and today I decided to join.
I am everywhere on the Internet known as Kent (with another 'last name' added to it I rather keep away here for I do not wish to be possibly recognized) and on most sites I have a male indentity, a few hidden, but either way everywhere I am recognized as male.
Truth is I am a FtM transgendered person. With having a different indentity on the Internet I have started to get a bit of problems, mainly considering telling some close friends the truth... but I will post about that most likely later, first I should introduce myself properly.
The name Kent however is probably not going to be my first name if I will become a man later in life eventually. There's quite a bit of history behind it, because that name is in fact the name of a brother I was supposed to have. Quite shocking perhaps, but I love the name so much and I truly do not mean to take that name to replace my brother as many would think. I originally wanted to choose it simply because I really like the name, but of course it is hard for my mother and she told me a few weeks ago she is okay with me using the name on the Internet but not with using it in real life. Which I accepted so I will have to search for a different name.
I come from the Netherlands and had long ago joined a Dutch forum for transgendered people, but never felt at ease there. Why? I think it's really just the language, I enjoy the English language much more and can express myself and explain things much easier than in Dutch.
My hobbies mainly are art, writing, roleplaying (all in English only obviously), web design, (I own my own personal website and a roleplay forum) reading and gaming. I love many animals but most of all I am especially fond of wolves. I draw them, write about them... and I have my own wolf character or as I should call him, my 'Soul-Self'. I feel he is the inner me, not only in terms of gender but also in personality. I feel I have a personality deep inside I cannot show yet in real life, and that is that of him. Pretty much he is like my inspiration to keep me going.
I have discovered I was transgendered around the age of 14, but I always had felt I was different and was unhappy about myself but before that I never knew why. I also have been bullied a lot by girls in the past because I wan't like them and it might have played a major role too. When puberty came I started to hate my body, and later on after a depression I got which included self-harming, I was taken to psychiatry and discovered I wanted to be a boy, and not long after I started to feel I was and still am male inside.
I had to wait for a year until I was taken into the gender clinic. I had every month a talk there and some tests but unfortunately not long after they decided I had to figure out who I really was first. What I forgot to mention is, that I also am autistic and due to that plus my childhood they doubted about me. So now the gender clinic is put on hold and I now go to a group for autism where I learn to become myself more as well as learning to being able to live on my own and such.
Even though I still talk to people about my problems, they always seem to shove it away in my point of view whenever I want to talk about the transgender subject. They always say working on my personality is more important now, and I know that is true, but I just really miss talking more about the problems I face as being transgendered and getting good advice on it. So that's pretty much why I joined here. I probably have to wait a few years until I may come back to the gender clinic again and I find it very hard to wait, but I know too I shouldn't take too far leaps just yet.
I have a lot more I would like to write about, but for now I try to keep my introduction as short as I can. As always I am a bit shy about joining a new community, but from what I've read so far I can say it really is a nice community. So I hope I can feel good here and talk about things I cannot easily share in real life.
-Kent
