Coming out that i'm ftm

[Quinnfong]

I really want to tell my father since im dependent on him for money but by the reactions i get when i scratch the surfaceof telling him i get the feeling even if istraight out tell him, he won't beleive me and think it's a passing part of "growing up" what do i do?

[anibioman]

my moms reaction was "are you sure your not just a lesbian?" it takes a lot but when your dad sees how well it fits you and how much happier you are.

[aleon515]

I've been writing the "parent support" forum on laura's. I am pretty sure this is a normal stage. It seems like some parents don't go thru it, but many do. It is like the stages of grief and he is in total denial. Or perhaps he is bargaining, I am not any kind of expert, but this seems familiar. The bargaining would be "if [he] could just be a lesbian..." I don't know as some parents don't seem to get any further, but some do.

Sorry about all this man.

--Jay J

[wrabbit]

wow, that can be totally hard. I know that my dad didn't even like thinking about me as "bi" or "gay", he'd probably kill me if he found I was living as a male.
That being said, my dad is a heartless racist sexist monster and I've never met anyone as bad as him, I very much hope that your dad at least loves you.

If he thinks it's a phase then I suppose you just keep living life as a male, tell him about how your support would mean the world to you and such. That's how I would go about doing it
Chin up, man. Good luck!

[Snowman77]

I really want to tell my father since im dependent on him for money but by the reactions i get when i scratch the surfaceof telling him i get the feeling even if istraight out tell him, he won't beleive me and think it's a passing part of "growing up" what do i do?

I'm in the same boat with you and really it's really annoying! 

[justmeinoz]

Don't give up hope, he may eventually come around.

I can understand how some parents can have problems coming to terms with their child being trans, although I must admit that once my son assured me he knew what he was doing I accepted it and backed him totally, even against his mother.

This was several years before my own transition started, but it was a case of seeing my child in pain and seeing how it could be overcome.

Karen.

[aleon515]

A lot of parents say stuff like "I had to morn the loss of a daughter" (or son, in the case of mtfs). For some parents the big turn around for them was when they found out the rate of suicide among trans people. Perhaps if he saw an article on this with those figures?? BTW, there is supposed to be a new documentary about helping kids talk about trans with their parents. I'll see what's up with it. Don't know if it is finished yet.

--Jay J

[Quinnfong]

cool! you guys are really helpful and supportive, thanks! 

[aleon515]

If parents are willing to read/learn there is a book called "Just Add Hormones". Very easy read and available in paperback.

Don't think the movie is available.
There is a movie you might be able to find online called "Call Me Malcolm". It is put out by a church group so there is esp initially some religious stuff (might actually be good for some people to see this). Anyway, very neat as he goes around and talks to various people, including an accepting parent.


--Jay J

[Quinnfong]

sry for making this hard on u guys but... my parents don't read much.

[aleon515]

You can find the movie I listed on youtube.

--Jay J

[Mike88]

My dad thought it was just a phase, now I'm a bearded baritone. If all else fails, let time tell.

[Trent Licon]

My Mom thought it was a faze since I was very little, around maybe 4...?
Dad somehow always had an idea.

Told my Mom yesterday what was going on, and shockingly she said:
I will love you no matter what.  T

Then she asked me what my guy name was. lol

It sometimes takes some time, when I first came out to her she was very angry and screamed at me. Thought she messed up somehow...years later she just wants me to be happy.