Awesome + Confusion

[Prince Sal]

So, today I started T! Horray!

I'm doing it weekly. I already have enough for one month, and she has written out a prescription for me to get a sixth month supply. I was on cholesterol medication for a month (simvastatin the wonder drug, it dropped my cholesterol by 80 points), and she'd reducing that to half a 5mg pill a day, and everything is good. I did the injection, and while I hit the wall for injecting myself (I'm scared of needles, I admit it), I was able to do it very well.

I'm floating on Cloud 9. My dad is cheering me on all the way from Florida (I'm in Western Massachusetts), my Grandma is supportive but questioning, my sister is supportive, my roommates, and the few people who know at work are as well (I'm stealth). So I'm grinning ear to ear, and everything is going great! I decide to call my mom.

Mistake, and I put a warning here, because this could upset some people a lot.

I tell her that I went to the doctor, and that 'and I got my first injection today!', I don't expect her to start jumping up and around all happy like, maybe met with some confusion, and some pouting that she didn't get to go, and she has questions. Instead I get this bomb shell.

"I don't see why they couldn't have given you estogen to try and make those feelings go away (?)"

... O__O Holding a cellphone in one hand, I was waiting for a light to turn green, I was so shocked that I didn't go when the light changed, and my roommate/best friend finally had to tell me to go, and I got honked at. I just... couldn't wrap my mind around it. I was flabbergast, and didn't have any answer to what to say. Finally I told her it didn't work that way, and that she was really lucky she had just said it to someone who loves her, because anyone else might be trying to rip her a new one.

Cue anger, from her, at me. Not only have I just shot her question down, but I am cutting her off, being rude, too thin skinned, and I shouldn't be offended, that there is no reason to be offended.

I should get some serious points for not hanging up on her then and there, but really... just... wtf?! She's known about this for over 2 years, and suddenly it's my fault for... for... I don't even know.

So we hung up on angry terms, I don't expect an apology (though she did call back to tell me that I should apologize to her), and I'm not going to get one. Called my dad (who cheered me on, we'd already had a great conversation yesterday where I asked him if it would be alright with him if I change my name to Sumner (it's a big time family name, his middle name, his father's middle name, his father's best friends first name, that man's dad's first name)), and was in a much better attitude.

But seriously... I just... I'm still shocked by it.

But horray for first injection! I should make one of those awesome ticker things people have.

[Brooke777]

I think you handled that very well. I would have been extremely offended, and would have torn her a new one. Especially since she has known for so long. That was not a good reaction on her part at all!

[Prince Sal]

I was offended, and said as much. But I have never been one to yell, I usually go very calm when I am angry, or I refuse to be as such. I also was driving, and trying to get my friend to work in twenty minutes, in rush hour, on a path that should take 30 minutes (I got there with 2 minutes to spare because I'm awesome). I couldn't exactly take the time to rip her apart, but she knows I was angry, especially when I told her that I had been planning to see her today, and said '... but not anymore.', which really hit where it needed to.

About three minutes ago she called back, in tears and apology's, I accepted the apology, but did not return it, because I'm not sorry. I pointed out that while she may have questions, that she should do some research on her own before hitting me with a question that offensive. I said that I would get technical with it, because she went to school to be a medical assistant, and she would know, but that I'm not going to stop, and that I am happy. Which got more tears and apology's from her.

As it stands right now, I'm going to be a little uncomfortable around my mom for a while, I'm not going to forget this happened (mostly because I can't because it is now written down), but I am not one to hold grudges if someone truly means their apology, and tries better. Time will tell.


But the good news is that I started T (finally!!), and I am very excited.

[Brooke777]

Congrats on the T btw. I forgot to mention that in my first response.

Also, I am glad she apologized.

[Kris14]

Congrats on getting T! And good job on not freaking out or anything with your mom. I don't know what I would have done, but it would have been a pretty bad reaction, I think. At least she apologized!

[ChaoticTribe]

I am so sorry that happened

And your mom clearly doesn't know anything about how hormones affect the brain. I took depo provera for 6 years, which is three years past the black box warning maximum, and still ended up being trans, despite the fact that my birth control was a very potent female hormone.

It is unfortunate that she doesn't understand, and apparently does not want to, but it is wonderful that you have other family members who are being supportive of you!

[Prince Sal]

I don't really like getting angry.

I get frustrated, and I'll say as such, but I've only been enraged once, and wanted to then stay away from it. I got bullied a lot when I was younger, and... I just don't see the point in getting angry at people for their confusion, or their possible hate. It would be exhausting if I got riled up over every transgression someone made against me.

And no, she doesn't know about hormones, in fact, when I talked to my therapist about it, he brought up a study that was done years ago of giving transwomen testosterone to see if 'those feelings went away'. All it did was make them heavily suicidal, they were so unhappy, it was to a point that the only way to make things better was death. I haven't shared this knowledge with my mom yet, and she hasn't asked any rude questions lately.

But if you wanted other gems (that could be triggery, so a warning in place)
"You can't be a man, you cry too much."
"I won't say [insert birth name here] anymore, I'll just mouth it." "why don't you just use my name?"
"My baby is dying!"
"I gave birth to a girl, I never wanted boys, I still don't want boys."
"But you should have sex at least once before you... what if you find out you really like it!"
"Why do you have to be a man? Why can't you be something in-between?"

But then there are moments where she is really supportive, and helpful, and wanting me to keep going. And if she doesn't understand, or doesn't want to, there is little, scratch that, there is nothing she can do to prevent my transition. I was appeasing enough not to start while I lived with her, with the knowledge she would be too uncomfortable or angry because of it, but... well... I don't live with her anymore.

[ChaoticTribe]

It's good that she is supportive sometimes. Even 'mouthing' a name versus saying it is some small step. My parents (mostly my mother) are even worse with me. They refuse to acknowledge my legal name and outright will call me by the wrong pronouns in front of other people, including my partner. For that reason, I am trying not to see them over the course of the holidays. I don't want them to ruin it for me.

And the kicker is, my mom keeps asking why I can't just be "gay" and I'm like, "Mom I am gay, I'm with a guy." She's such a dolt, she thinks that I should be attracted to women. Can't understand this is about me, not other people.

Maybe talking to your other family members will help her come to terms with reality, and accept that wishing something different won't make it so. It is so good that you have them as a support network for you.

[Snowman77]

"I don't see why they couldn't have given you estogen to try and make those feelings go away (?)"

Don't let her get you down...or maybe you should cut all ties from her?

[Prince Sal]

I wouldn't break ties with my mom, I'd prefer not to break ties with anybody in my family. I understand the struggle she is likely facing, which is why I didn't blow up at her when she made her comment. Her anger and rude comments are born out of confusion, fear, and grief. That doesn't make them any less frustrating when I have to hear them. I can only control what I say or do, and such. I can't control people's reactions to what I say or do, or such... no matter how much I would like to.

Thanks DrillQuip, I definitely agree with everything you wrote.

[aleon515]

Is there someone else more neutral who could try and talk to your mom? I think sometimes it is a lot for parents to take. I just wrote a post, as I am following some parents on laura's playhouse. It's like in some cases they really have to deal with the grief of losing a daughter (even if you never felt yourself as one). Hang in there and congrats.

--Jay J